Surgery Over

Advertise with us
Shop deals on ebay
shop deals on amazon
Valve Replacement Forums

Help Support Valve Replacement Forums:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.
S

shellyb

The surgery is over. My husband's surgery did end up being minimally invasive and everything went extremely well.

Now for the selfish part....my 32 year old son and I went in and saw him about 2 hours after surgery and I have to say that was one of the hardest things I've ever done. My son nearly passed out in the hallway after leaving the ICU and I still feel ready to burst out crying after already doing it once in a bathroom at the hospital. My husband became quite agitated when either my son or I spoke to him. We were positive like the nurse said to do but the nurse had to keep calming him down.

Is it better for him if we just call and check on him until he stabilizes somewhat. The nurse said everything is going good and his reactions are completely normal.

I have to say this has been one of the hardest days. Instead of feeling totally relieved, I'm questioning how many hurdles do we have in store for us now. I know my son and I are both tired and we are planning on taking a nap this afternoon.

Sorry for ranting and raving here but is this a normal family response?

Now for the positives. My husband is over the mountain and everything went extremely well!

Thanks!
shellyb
 
My husband had an AVR 6 years ago and I was prepared for what he would look like after surgery but my 27 year old daughter wasn't, even though I tried to warn her. She also nearly passed out. I am glad the surgery is over and everything went well. Make sure you do take that nap. You will need your strength also over the next few weeks. Keep us updated.
 
I think your reaction and your son's were completely natural. The adreneline is pumping before and during surgery, and then, after surgery is over, I think there is a letdown phase. In addition, I imagine you are both very tired. Once you have some sleep, you will feel better and will be able to contemplate what's ahead in a more positive light. There are some tough days ahead, but for the most part, the worst is over and each day will be a little bit better and better.
 
Hi Shellyb, I have heard of other men who have reacted a bit aggressively when on the narcotic painkillers; this is more common than you think. But I understand it is very hard on you. My surgery was very hard on my husband, he knew I needed him, but he hated seeing all the tubes, needles, etc. It's a good thing that all the tubes come out real fast, 2-4 days.
Try to get through these first 2 or3 days, the rest will be much better.:)
 
Please remember that your husband has had all sorts of chemicals injected into him during anesthesia. He won't be acting normal for several days, may even hallucinate and see things that aren't there, or cry, and agitation is normal . When they have him on pain killers, he will be all doped up, may slur his speech and his eyes may not even focus properly. Expect all of these things. Everything will return to normal after the healing gets a little more down the road.

Keep remembering that all the bells and monitors and alarms are there to take care of and monitor your husband's body functions while he is not able to do so himself.

One of the best things you can do is to just stay close to him and tell him in very soothing terms that he did extremely well, and that everything came out just fine, and he is on the road to healing now. Don't stay away, that would make him feel terrible, I suspect.

He won't remember much of what went on in the ICU, but he will be able to sense your kind words to him and telling him that you love him, your son should do the same.

You can both collapse and cry at home.

Put on your best and brightest clothing, look good, put a smile on your face, and go in there and tell him sweet things. He needs your love now more than he ever did before.
 
I don't think it is selfish at all to react the way you did and to feel awful seeing your husband like that. It's a really hard thing to do! My mom had her surgery this past summer, and I tried to prepare myself for what to expect when I saw her in the ICU. I had the impression that she would be like gray and really still and sort of look dead, and that there would be a ton of machines and that I should just try to hold her hand (which I was warned might feel unnaturally cold) and remind her that everything went well and she made it.

So I was completely unprepared for the grotesquely bloated, eyes bulging out, strapped-down, writhing and moaning person I saw when I went in there. My brother insisted that we had the wrong room, that that person wasn't our mom.

I held her hand and told her all the things I promised I would tell her, that she made it and the surgery was over and everything was fine, but every time I spoke she would jerk around, bite her breathing tube, look at me with these crazy eyes and struggle against the restraints they had to use. She had blood on her neck where the needles were, her face was 3 times the size it should've been, and her bulging eyes would look at me and then roll back in her head in a crazy way. It was really overwhelming. She started getting so agitated that the nurse made my brother and I leave, and I just stood out in the hallway and ran to the bathroom to have a cry. My brothers came and got me and made me feel better. I was heartbroken at how agonized she looked, that she was suffering and so confused and scared, and I was worried she'd somehow never be my normal mom again. I didn't sleep at all that night, to say the least.

Of course I was so grateful that she made it through the surgery. But I just wasn't prepared for how she was going to look or act, and I was so sad for what she was going through.

BUT- it's really true that the person does return to normal! Even by the next day, she was able to speak to me, her face was somewhat more normal (it took a couple days before she looked totally like herself). And something that I found to be immensely comforting is the fact that she barely remembers that part. She doesn't remember being restrained, or feeling scared, or writhing around, or biting her breathing tube. The whole first night and the next day are really hazy for her. And really, even by the next day after surgery, it was clear that she was my normal mom and she was okay. So please try to take comfort in knowing that your husband really is okay, and there is a good chance he won't really remember this time he's going through. That first day is really hard, but it does gets better, and soon you will be feeding him ice chips and sitting by his bed while he sleeps. It's much better than seeing them all crazy. That really was the worst for me. And for sure it is a long road back, but once he is really "with it" again and not so drugged up, it will be a road you can sort of help him along, and you can be a team.

Hang in there!
-Katie
 
My wife had to leave when I was in the ICU as well. I had a lot of dried blood on my neck, I had 12 different tubes coming out of me, and I was apparently fighting the breathing tube. (I actually don't remember the breathing tube coming out, so I obviously don't remember this part at all.) As others have mentioned, I was also puffy all over. I was in a lot of pain over the next few hours, and was extremely pissed that the nurses and everyone else didn't seem to care one bit (that wasn't the case at all, but it was my perception at the time probably due to the drugs). In addition, the morphine they gave me made my stomach upset - so I began having dry heaves. I can confidently tell you that my body convulsing as it tried to throw up using muscles that had been cut through just a couple hours prior was the most pain I have ever been in. Regardless, things will get better, and get better quickly at this point. Best wishes going forward.
 
We were lucky. Toronto General provided a video on what to expect post-op so my family was prepared for how I'd look, etc right after surgery.

Shelly, I think you will see a lot of difference tomorrow. My wife said how I looked and acted was night and day from how she left me in ICU the day of the surgery, until when she saw me again the next day in the step-up. I didn't get aggressive, but I certainly wasn't in any mood to talk or be touched. I was in "leave me alone...I need to sleep" mode.

Anyway, glad to hear he's over the mountain. Best wishes to both of you for a smooth, uneventful, recovery.
 
Once again....thanks to all of you!

I called back to the hospital to check on my husband and the nurse reassured me again that he is doing great. As a matter of a fact they are weaning him off the breathing tube. She suggested we come back this evening. I think my biggest problem was that my son and I are tired and it was all a bit overwhelming even though I was warned about what to expect.

Thanks again!

shellyb
 
Hope you have a much better visit tonight, Shelly. I'm sure once he is off the breathing tube, things will quickly return to normal. Get a good night's sleep and go in tomorrow morning with a big smile.
 
Everything is fine!!! Normal!!! Congratulations......you all did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My oldest son, when he had his wisdom teeth out, came out of the anesthesia flailing and cursing and totally a stranger to us. Now, can you imagine the drugs they've used on your husband in comparison?

When it is all said and done, you might want to get a list of the meds that may have caused his agitation....so that you can avoid them down the road if you ever need to be in that position.

Be patient. He'll be smiling up at you in no time. The road ahead is not frought with these kinds of things. His pain management will be good, and his energy will return little by little.

Good work family!!!!

Best wishes.

Marguerite
 
I was wondering if the agitation was because he was trying to get you to convince the tech to remove the tube.

Tonight might be rough for him too because after the tube comes out, a patient feels so dry that they'll just be begging for ice chips. But if the patient is given too many ice chips too soon, they'll barf; and nobody wants that awful thing to happen. But the patient thinks they'll just dry up if they don't get more ice chips. I spent my first night watching the clock and incessantly bargaining with my nurse for more ice chips according to when she said I could have more. I made a real pest of myself.

Really glad all is going well. Sometimes awful things happening to a parent are just too awful to fully comprehend, even for a grown child. You must be exhausted. You must get your rest. Your son too. Do you think a kind of relay/rest schedule between you and your son will work in visiting your husband over the next day or two?
 
All these good folks have said it better than I could. It's perfectly normal. I don't know if the drugs caused me to be agitated in the ICU but I am told I was an utter mess to look at. :) I think my son in particular had a hard time. It will all get better soon, and esp with the breathing tube out, Shelly.
 
Such a good example of how it is easier to be the patient than the family.

All you describe is normal and I am sure you will see positive changes very rapidly.

Hope you got some rest.
 
Shelly,
Glad to hear surgery went well and that he is over the mountain!! Your husband's behavior is normal. If he still had the vent in it is even more understandable. I woke up with that damn tube still in, tied down and very combative. My wife told me later that I really showed my ass before and after the tube came out:eek: As someone said, it's the drugs.

All will be back to normal before you know it.
 
Shelly,

Excellent news about the surgery!

Thoughts/prayers coming for a continued SUCCESSFUL recovery :).



Cort:34swm."Mr Monte Carlo.Mr Road Trip".pig valve.pacemaker
WRMNshowcase.lego.HO.model.MCs.RT.CHD = http://www.chevyasylum.com/cort
"Tell me what you see" ... Bob Carlisle ... 'Getting Stronger'
 
Thanks For "Ranting"

Thanks For "Ranting"

Dear Shelly, Thanks for sharing your experience, feelings, and questions! That is why we're here. Wishing you all a comforting day. Brian
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Latest posts

Back
Top