Matters of the Heart

Shop deals on ebay
Advertise with us
shop deals on amazon
Valve Replacement Forums

Help Support Valve Replacement Forums:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.
temp69

temp69

Well-known member
Joined
May 23, 2006
Messages
419
Location
calabasas, ca
My wife just moved out. And my heart feels broken. I did not see this coming. We seemed happy. I can't help but think she's fallen out of love with me due to my OHS. I hardly drink anymore, don't smoke and...well, think I'm a pretty good guy.

I need some help to cope with this and maybe move on. She;s still mad about a honda we bought 17 years ago when she wanted a better car. she wants flashing things, but is afraid to ask for them. she wants more than one pair of diamond earrings and more jewelry. I know this sound shallow, but she's been so wonderful, I can hardly believe this stuff is coming out of her mouth.

how does one cope? we will hopefully get therapy, but it's hard not to feel broken and resentful of her being so disloyal. and no, i really don't think she's fallen for someone else.

thanks for "listening"
 
I am sorry to read what must have been hard for you to write. I think you are a great guy and doubt that has anything to do with her leaving. I also doubt it is the car or the earrings. Leaving is easy but staying together is the hard part. It always takes two to make it work and to make it not work. Years go by and step by step you each begin going different ways until one of you realizes that they are at the end. Take time and make good decisions on what you will do. The world will not end...in fact you may be beginning an entire new life.
Kathleen
 
I am so sorry this has happened to you. If she's willing to go to therapy with you, there is some hope. So think positively. To me, she sounds a little confused and maybe having a hard time adjusting to things--still upset about a car from a long time ago-not realistic.

I hope with therapy she will realize the "pretty good guy" she is married to is one in a million and worth more than all the diamonds in the world.
 
Please go to therapy, even if she won't go. You have had 2 major life changing events, a good therapist will help you understand your feelings.
Hopefully, this is just a phase for your wife and a therapist will help you work through this together.
 
please seek the help of a therapist. You had no hesitation seeihg a cardio for your phyically broken heart now see a therapist for an emotionally broken heart. Even if your wife wont go with you, the therapist will help you realise that you didn't do anything wrong and its not your fault. I wish there was more i could say or do but you have taken the first step by talking to people. God bless and try to stay positive.......mary
 
Sorry to read this. People sometimes keep things buried for years and years, allowing them to fester. The car years ago and the earrings aren't the issue, they are just hurts that she never let go.

Try the therapy route for a bit. It is guaranteed to make you feel better about yourself and what has happened.

And it isn't the end of the world, although it seems so now. If you took a poll, you might be surprised at how many others have been through this. You have to grieve over it and probably seek professional help to cope with it, but somewhere down the road, it gets better. Kind of like healing from OHS, I imagine.

Hang in there.
 
I had to think before posting to this thread.... I am sorry you find yourself in this situation. This has been building up a long time so forget the OHS idea being the cause.

Women are a wonderful, mystical gift to the world. It is never enough to say I love you.... we have to "show" it. Everyone is different and for some holding hands or opening the door might do it where as for some it may be a nicer car or a second set of bling. And if you saw "nothing" coming then you need to get your head out of the sand or wherever it might be stuck.

I am not trying to be mean or cold but I have been around the block once or twice and people just don't wake up and say, "well I guess I will walk out today". I wish you well. Whatever the causes are, it is hard.

Ladies, you are all under appriciated in my book.

Tom
 
Ladies, you are all under appriciated in my book.

Tom[/QUOTE]
If only all men had this attitude then we would all be happy:D
I hope your wife realises what she is missing and you can both work this out, best of luck. Paula
 
I have to agree with everyone. Go to therapy!! By yourself or together. It is a hard road to stay together and an easier one to just throw in the towel. However, you can only make the choices for you, she will have to make her own choice to work on the marriage or call it quits. Good luck and pray, pray, pray!!
 
I have been there and it is hard. Please know that I am praying for you and also know that things do work out even if it is not what we think we want initially.

You are a good person and never let anyone make you believe otherwise.
 
I'm always sorry to hear news like this, and unfortunately it's all too frequent.

I doubt your OHS is the cause, but if it was then perhaps you're better off and you just don't know it yet. However, I suspect this has been brewing for some time as I agree with Cooker, you don't just wake up and decide to walk away.

Maybe you and your wife and can it out, maybe you can't. Either way, try not to dwell on feeling broken and resentful as that often leads to feelings of animosity that will destroy whatever good memories there are. Stay positive. Unfortunately, I know too many who have gone through this, both genders, but the bright side is they have survived and continued to have a happy life. Like OHS, it will take a bit of time, patience, and positive thoughts to heal but I am sure you will. Good luck and best wishes.
 
I haven't posted in awhile, but this needed attention. I know from all your helpful responses over the past year, that you are a "keeper". I'm sure it's hard for most guys to express their feelings on here, but you have always been so kind, and that takes a really sensitive person to share and help others in need. I'm also sure that whatever is going on with your wife, that this has been festering for a long time, and she probably didn't want to appear shallow by upsetting you in your time of need.

Please, just don't feel that this is about you, and certainly not about your OHS. I think our spouses actually assume we can walk on water after going through OHS! I am just so sorry that you have to be going through this.

Try to work on counseling, but don't waste time trying too hard. There are so many others out there who would truly appreciate a man with all your qualities. May she be lonely and miserable with her "glitter".
 
Many thanks

Many thanks

for your kind words. my sister mentioned that my happiness isn't conditional upon me being with someone or without someone, it comes from inside me. Yes, I believe there are many women out there who would appreciate me, I'm a good cook, a successful screenwriter, not toady-looking and have a good sense of humor.

I will be visiting a therapist with my wife and hope this can be worked out. I really appreciate everyone's thoughts. Even Cooker's. One can be myopic when you're recovering, and as a writer I tend to focus on matters at hand.

But I do open doors and kiss her and hold her and tell her I love her every day, even tell her she's beautiful every day. So, it's a bit of a shock.

I will hopefully report on some progress. Or maybe a new girlfriend!

Good luck and don't hestitate to email me for help.

t
 
a long marriage. I really don't think you have gotten to the bottom of things. Maybe even she doesn't know what it is. Probably it is not your OHS. I expect you've had illnesses before during all these years, yet you stayed together. If she hadn't left because of the car before now, it isn't the car. I don't know what a bling is, but if you have been giving her some, then it isn't that. Hang in there, tho you will suffer. She may find home is the best place to be. You must let her know you love her, tho - things tend to get stale in marriages and work must be done to keep some of the love things alive and well. Like telling her. I wish you well and hope things work out. You'll survive if she does not return, but you will suffer some til you work out your own feelings about it. Blessins........
 
We have absolutely no first-hand experience with this, but have had a few friends go through it. It seems that by the time someone announces they're through & moving out, they've already given it much thought and dredged up all the real/imagined slights that ever happened to justify it. It would take a miracle to make them change their mind. And there's someone out there she has her eye on, whether it's gone anywhere or not. People (unless they're abused or there's alchohol/drugs involved) just don't leave to be alone.

If she never exhibited the shallowness before that would make cars & diamonds more important than her marriage then there's something else at work here. And it's not OHS either.

On the other hand, I've known a few couples who've worked through tremendous problems because they both were determined to stay together.

Have you tried God? He's for marriage and wouldn't have this happen.
 
hensylee said:
a long marriage. I really don't think you have gotten to the bottom of things. Maybe even she doesn't know what it is. Probably it is not your OHS. I expect you've had illnesses before during all these years, yet you stayed together. If she hadn't left because of the car before now, it isn't the car. I don't know what a bling is, but if you have been giving her some, then it isn't that. Hang in there, tho you will suffer. She may find home is the best place to be. You must let her know you love her, tho - things tend to get stale in marriages and work must be done to keep some of the love things alive and well. Like telling her. I wish you well and hope things work out. You'll survive if she does not return, but you will suffer some til you work out your own feelings about it. Blessins........
Click to expand...

Ann, you are too cute, "Bling" is diamonds and jewelry, picture some of the bigger Rappers all decked out in their "bling"
 
thanks, Lynn - I have heard that a lot lately, but was embarrassed to ask my daughter, who knows, I am sure. Wonder how they came up with such a word!
 
Temp..
I am very sorry to hear of the situation with your wife. You have gotten some great advice, and I echo the counseling.
this isn't about the OHS, it is within her, and she will need to work it out.
I will pray for you.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Latest posts

Back
Top