Your forum time...is your spouse, family, SO, supportive??

[Marguerite53]

I have a wonderful, supportive family. Husband of 26 years, 24 year old son, 22 year old son, 19 year old daughter. Sensitive and smart, all of them. Why is it that none of them understand my continued interest in this forum?

I would have to guess that my family does not want me dwelling on this heart "problem" of mine. Obviously, even though they have been educated along the way, they do not see it as something anyone would want to dwell on....let's move on.....who wants to keep reminding yourself about it. They do not understand how online connections can run so deep...especially when you are trying to coax the fear out of a stranger's heart or trying to help give them substance for their medical encounters. They just don't get it.

Why DO I continue on this forum? Well...it is addictive, isn't it? I mean with so many caring, well-informed, light-hearted, cranky, emotional, interesting, artistic, anal, worldly, well-read, well-travelled, hard-working people.....it is alot like any organization with a common cause. And, I LIKE it!!


So I'm throwing the question out to you. How does your spouse, significant other or family feel about the time you spend on this forum?

Marguerite

 

[Superbob]

Keeping Up With Health Issues

Keeping Up With Health Issues

Good thread, Marguerite. I am online so much (it's part of my work) that my family members don't realize how often I check in on vr.com. But when I tell them something about it, they are supportive (or at least pretend to be interested. ) You know, beyond just the contact with all the interesting people here, it is a good thing to keep up with health issues, post-surgery. Having salvaged good health, definitely want to preserve it! I read a lot of health-related websites. Of course, there is nothing to compare to vr.com (at least nothing I've found.)

Cheers,

 

[Nancy]

Well, as a very long time "addict" to this site on behalf of my dear husband Joe, who has passed on, let me say that this site has saved my sanity throughout the years.

During Joe's difficult last year, many have hinted that some sort of local support group would be helpful. I cannot conceive of a better support group than what is right here.

This site is so specific to heart valvers, (and we all know how little other people understand about that including family and close friends and some medical personnel), that any support group just wouldn't "get" it.

I have been able to vent my feelings, tell people what was going on, ask for all kinds of information, some of it quite medical in nature, ask for prayers and support, and I could come here any time I felt like it, not when there was a meeting at a specific time. At first I thought that doing this kind of thing online would be distant and cold, but that has been far from the truth.

I feel a real close kinship to folks here. We all understand so many things just because we are bound together with a common thread. Lots of things do not have to be explained, it is already known.

I have sent others to this site, and they have been amazed at the supportive nature of the site.

I really don't think this can be compared to any other venue.

I wouldn't care if anyone didn't like my going here. I like it, it helped Joe and it helped us cope with his problems.

If it works for you, then it works for you. If someone else doesn't like it, too bad. They aren't YOU. Only you can determine what kind of support you need.

As far as keeping people stuck in heart related medical issues, I felt it satisfied my need for close support and eased my mind so I could go on to other things when I didn't need that kind of support. And I always got the information I needed.

Joe lived longer because of what I learned here.

This is pretty tough stuff to deal with for both the patient and their family and friends.

 

[CathyK.]

I am on the computer some at work and that is when I check this site mostly, so my family doesn't really know how much I am on either. But when I do mention this site they just take it like anything else I say. You have to understand that I live in a house full of testosterone!! So I don't think they pay much attention to alot around them unless it involves them. I will continue to be here for as long as I can. I have become addicted also!! I still thank God I found this place. I also thank all of you for being here for me!!

 

[catwoman]

My job involves online work, so it's easy for me to switch over to another screen and check vr.com.
I occasionally check new messages when I'm home or on weekends. My husband never says anything yea or naye.

 

[Karlynn]

Most of my work is done at home and at my computer - and that's my excuse and I'm sticking by it!

My husband teases me. Truthfully, he's grateful for the time I spend here. It's less time I expect him to be supportive. He's fine with my time here. Most of it is during the day anyway, with a quick check in the evening. He knows I feel lucky to have found a place to share my "stuff" with others who know first hand.

 

[WayneGM]

I don't think my wife has really noticed. I'm on my computer, in my den, quite often for both business and pleasure, and she's not really aware of what I'm doing on it when. I do talk about the forum occasionally and she is glad I've found it as a source for information and support from others in a similar situation, but otherwise my wife really hasn't reacted one way or the other. She's not a computer person as she says it reminds her too much of work. That said, she often nags the kids about using our other computer (which is the one she would use when necessary) to chat on MSN all the time

Incidentally, I have joined other forums on other subjects of interest (mostly hobbies, etc), but VR.com is the only one I check regularly and have actually been posting to. Normally I just periodically "lurk". I think it's because the common denominator is such a personal experience that only those who are in the thick of it can really understand. I don't know anyone else locally who has been through this, whereas I know many locals who share my other interests. I am gratefull this venue exists, and to all who make it the welcoming and informative place it is.

 

[aussiemember]

My husband is grateful for this site because he knows how much help it has been for me and how much it has shown me that there is the chance of a normal life after OHS. On our nightly walks I actually update him about different people or threads and he is interested because he knows it is important to me. I also showed him all the tawdry shirt pictures

 

[Phyllis]

Yes, I am addicted. Dick knows about the forum and will often ask if there is anything new or I will print out something of interest to him. I'm not sure if he knows just how much time I spend here, but then he would tell you that I am addicted to the computer in general and he absolutely abhors it- good thing he stopped practicing law before technology became a necessary part of practice. He enjoys the fruits of my labor- writes his letters and emails out on legal pads and I transcribe them on the computer. I keep telling him that an email is not suppose to be an epistle! My kids know about valve replacement.com , but I'm not sure they know how addicted I am. I'm sure they would be totally embarrassed if they knew that I have shared pictures of their beautiful offspring, but hey, I like it here and I'm staying!

 

[lynn]

Hi...my name is Lynn and I'm addicted to VR.com!

Actually, I used to be addicted to shopping boards, then breast cancer boards and now my focus is here. My hubby is addicted to old westerns so he doesn't mind when I'm on the computer and that means I'm not trying to talk to him. And I think he's understands that I get support and information that helps both of us!

 

[Tom F.]

My wife is very supportive of my posting here. She remembers my fears, and my frustration and being able to learn more about heart surgery options over the internet than from some of my doctors. Aside from an ocasional comments about veterans, the Viet Nam wall, and some other things, I simply try to share what I know about valve sparing procedures, which is what I had.

 

[Granbonny]

Am I addicted?.......Just looked at my number of posts..soon to hit 5,000... But, that is over the past soon to be 5 years.........I check early in the morning..but do not [post until around this time of the afternoon..after..I have dinner going in the oven, ect..)..Hubby is fine with this..he like to watch the 5 P.M. news..... He always asked if there is something he can do to help with dinner..while I am on VR.Com....great to peel the potatoes, ect........He has been part of my VR.Com family, too...Meeting and having lunch with hensylee (Ann)..going with me to Panama City last summer and meeting Mary/Family..Danny/Peggy..........My daughter knows all my friends on VR.Com......I am always telling her the news from them......even tho, she has never met them in person..but I think that's great. in the event something happens to me..she would know how to get in touch with them.........Hope that never happens. Yes, I am addicted.. ....Hope I am around a long time to keep wishing Happy Birthdays, good luck to new members facing surgery.........and to bug Ross as much that I can ........I have had this old computer for 5 years..and he is always there for me..when I have a problem.(computer)..Bonnie

 

[Karlynn]

Hi...my name is Lynn and I'm addicted to VR.com!

So if AA members are "Friends of Bill W." are we "Friends of Hank E."?

 

[sue943]

Certainly I have friends who think I ought to let it drop.

I think the thing is that most of us do not have friends or family members who have been there. Most of us know people who have other major illnesses such as cancer, they might be different cancers, but still cancer.

Most of us are reluctant to 'bother' our doctors for every sensation or happening, it is so good to be able to come here and air one's concern and either have reassurance that this is common and probably nothing, or, get yourself to the doctor NOW.

I will keep on coming here.

 

[StretchL]

So I'm throwing the question out to you. How does your spouse, significant other or family feel about the time you spend on this forum?

Marguerite

Great thread, M!

While Noni is generally supportive of my time here, she thinks I go overboard sometimes. (Imagine THAT! Not ME!)

I'm trying to convince her to get her own Username... right now she reads things incognito under my name!

 

[StretchL]

Well, as a very long time "addict" to this site on behalf of my dear husband Joe, who has passed on, let me say that this site has saved my sanity throughout the years...

Joe lived longer because of what I learned here.

What a wonderful, wonderful post, Nancy. The entire thing. I've only been here a short time, but I completely concur and understand exactly what you're saying. And you said it so well...

 

[Karlynn]

... right now she reads things incognito under my name!

I didn't realize they had internet access in Cognito?

 

[geebee]

Another addict here. My SO is an addict for on-line "Unreal Tournament" so it works out perfectly. When we get tired of our addictions, we spend time together doing other things like going to the movies or walking. It's a perfect balance.

 

[Susan BAV]

It's kind of a funny thing that I can't really describe, this connection I feel with the site. I've mentioned the site in passing to a few friends and family members and they've pretty much all raised their eyebrows at me. I've recommended it to some "valve" people that I've happened to run into from time to time but I don't know that any of them have checked the site out.

I think that it does annoy my husband somewhat as I type furiously away at a post, but I try to share a little of this and that from the site with him, like the recent mech/tissue brawl, and he's frequently at his computer in the same room so I can mention things to him and he doesn't feel shut out.

After my AVR surgery, I posted a lot. A little over a year after my surgery Ross and I had a major private message war and I was pretty mad about the whole thing so I decided to just boycott the site. I checked in now and then though. Last fall I had some questions about a different kind of surgery and I just got back into the habit of posting regularly again.

 

[Adrienne]

My question is: Have you ever had any kind of problem by having your photo posted?

I can't imagine what kind of problem could arise by having one's picture posted, especially since most people don't put their last names. So, the answer is no. I have to say, also, that I start feeling like I know the person when there is a face attached!

As for being addicted to this site, I have become more and more so!! My husband wouldn't dare critisize me for it because he is addicted to Free Cell!!! He does tease me though, saying "You are always on the computer", knowing that that is what I am usually thinking about him!

I don't post as much as some people because then I would NEVER get anything done!!