Old Age

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A

ALCapshaw

A 66 yr old friend told me about a 90 year old acquaintance who liked to post Old Age Jokes on his refrigerator. His favorite was:

" OLD AGE IS NOT FOR SISSIES "

I think we have several members who would agree, maybe even a few not so old ones :)

'AL'
 
Three men were discussing aging at the nursing home.

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old.You always feel like
you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing
comes out!"

"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't
even crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all
day and nothin' comes out!"

"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."

"Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.

"No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a
flat rock; no problem at all."

"Do you have trouble crapping?" "No, I crap every morning at 6:30."

With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight.
You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so
tough about being 80?"

"I don't wake up until 7:00."
 
ROB

THAT'S A GOOD JOKE. NOW IF I COULD JUST REMEMBER IT WHEN I WANT TO TELL IT.

RICH
 
Al,
I like those 90 year old friends, it makes me feel young again.
 
A.A.A.D.D.
I thought it would help to know there are others out there. WE ARE NOT ALONE!!!!! They have finally found a diagnosis for my condition. Hooray!!

I have recently been diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder...

This is how it goes:

I decide to wash the car; I start toward the garage and notice the mail on the table. Ok, I'm going to wash the car. But first I'm going to go through the mail. I lay the car keys down on the desk, discard the junk mail and notice the trash can is full. OK, I'll just put the bills on my desk and take the trash can out, but since I'm going to be near the mailbox anyway, I'll pay these few bills first.

Now, where is my checkbook? Oops, there's only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk. Oh, there's the coke I was drinking. I'm going to look for those checks. But first I need to put my coke further away from the computer, oh maybe I'll pop it into the fridge to keep it cold for a while.

I head toward the kitchen and my house plants catch my eye, they need some water. I set the coke on the counter and, uh oh! There are my glasses. I was looking for them all morning! I'd better put them away first. I fill a container with water and head for the flower pots - Aaaaaagh! Someone left the TV remote in the kitchen. I'll never think to look in the kitchen tonight when I want to watch television. So, I'd better put it back in the family room where it belongs.

I splash some water into the pots and onto the floor, I throw the remote onto the sofa and I head back down the hall trying to figure out what it was I was going to do.

End of Day: The car isn't washed, the bills are unpaid, the warm coke is sitting on the kitchen counter, the flowers are half watered, the checkbook still has only one check in it, and I can't seem to find my car keys!

When I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled because I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY LONG!!!

I realize this is a serious condition and I'll get help, BUT FIRST I think I'll check my e-mail...
 
85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man.
When she returned to her daughter's house later that night, she seemed upset.
"What happened, Mother?" the daughter asked.
"I had to slap his face three times!"
"You mean he got fresh?"
"No," she answered. "I thought he was dead!" :D :D
 
Some of these, I've heard, but Rob's contribution is priceless!!

Told my wife (who is only in her mid 40's) and she almost wet her pants!

Great stuff, especially for those of us in our 50's who always define middle age as "about Mom's age." (She's 80 now.)
 
Hope this doesn't offend anyone

Hope this doesn't offend anyone

A 95 year old man went to his doctor and asked for Viagra.
The doctor trying to be diplomatic says excuse me sir but aren't you just a little old to worry about sex?
The old man says SEX??. Oh no he says you don't understand, I just want it to stick out far enough so I can pee!:D
 
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