Hubby is home too!

[sportsmom12]

I have kept in touch with Ross whom has helped me through crazy times.
My husband , Bruce, is home after 21 days in the hospital, 3 surgeries,(aorta valve, defiballator , and draining of blood pockets)infections and other complications. He has to go for lab tests etc because his blood isn't right where they want it.
I must admit I am a little nervous. He is weak and dependent on me- and keeping all his medicines straight is scary.
Like I told Ross, I have to make sure I don't get frustrated and impatient when times get tough. I have to work full time, deal with the kids and help Bruce get through this- and I am not always a relaxed kind of gal.

Thanks to everyone on the forum for all their concerns in the past. I will keep posting and provide follow-ups plus support for anyone whom needs it.
Linda

 

[hensylee]

Good luck to you, Linda. Even in the worst of times, we pull up those boot straps, do what we have to do and just go on. You are going to get through all this, I promise. With the help of God and Ross (ain't he just precious) - and us........

 

[Nancy]

Dear Linda-

I'm so sorry that your dear husband Bruce has had such terrible problems. I can relate to your feeling overwhelmed at times. I've been there and done that many, many times. The frustration you are feeling is very natural. You are only human and I'm sure exhausted. You are being leaned on from every side, and there is just so much a person can deal with.

When things get overwhelming, the only way to cope is to sort of triage your life. When there are lots of demands on your time and energy, you just have to step back and assess what is the very most important thing to do at that particular moment. Also try to enlist the help of your children whenever you can. They love their dad and woud be happy to be a part of helping. The smallest of children can do little things, even if it is just to comfort you or daddy when the going gets rough.

See if some of your family or neighbors can help, running errands, picking up kids etc. Most people will be helpful when there is a need.

It will be difficult to keep track of all the medicines and appointments your husband will have in the near future. I put everything on the computer and make lists and charts of what to do when. I also have a master drug list that is on the computer and I take it to all his medical appointments. It has saved me from writing down a list of meds every single time. His meds get changed a lot, so I am sure that I keep it up to date. I also have a list in chronological order of all the medical "events" he's had, he's had so many serious conditions, and each new doctor wants to know his history. I couldn't possibly remember what happened when if I didn't have that list. His doctors find it very helpful because it's concise and relatively short.

Whenever you can, take a deep breath and try to clear your mind, sort of like a mini meditation. Crank up the volume in your car and sing at the top of your lungs. It feels GREAT. Of course other drivers will think you are crazy, but teenagers have used this trick to relieve tension for many years , why not us older folks.

The best and most important thing is to come here often and tell us how things are going. This is a wonderful group of people, and we'd all love to help you.

Eventually your dear husband will be getting better. Think of it as a terribly rough patch and one that you will get over together. I'm sure he appreciates what you are doing more than words can say.

Take care, and I hope you will come here often and fill us in.

 

[pegne]

Linda and others like you

Linda and others like you

I'll pray for your husbands health and your sanity. This is a very scary time right now but I do believe you have come to the right place. Just take one day at a time. If you feel you are ready to lose your focus there are many people out here who are willing to help. I for one admire all the husband/wifes/significant others/families who have watched someone they love go through what your husband has gone through. You are all truly very special people. You are all our strength. Just when we feel we can no longer take anymore God gives us strength to keep going. Good Luck to you. Peggy

 

[Ross]

Please keep in mind what I said about the possibility of him being frustrated and angry. If you need help in dealing with these things, it's obvious that this entire forum will come to your aid. I was a pain in my wife's tail (I still am! ) but it will get better relatively quickly. You can count on it.

 

[terry40]

sportsmom

sportsmom

Your doing great, I was so thankful for the help I recieved, my family was great, a bit over-protective, but I needed that.

See if you can have someone come in and sit with him for awhile, My parents and in-laws adult/baby sat me while my husband and adult kids were at work. Of course they would call several times and check on me.
21 days is a long time, and it sounds like he's not quite stabilized yet, they send you home with a lot of meds., him probably more because of the infection and complication, but as time goes by they stop most of them.

take care both of you,

terry40

 

[Mb]

Hi!

I've actually thought of this problem a couple of times, and realize that today I would handle those few weeks after bringing my husband home, somewhat differently. I was fortunate that I took an additional week after he came home off from work, and then the following week only worked half time. So many people offered to help....but no, I handled it all myself. It has taken me over a year to recover, and I am not sure I am recovered yet. So, the very first thing I would do if I were you, is accept whatever hhelp is offered. For example, when someone offers, tell them yes, could they handle making a dinner for you and dropping it off. Or, do a grocery run. Or, just come over for a cup of coffee. Or, maybe take the kids to the movies. The list is a long one. And, when you DO need help, don't assume people realize it. Even now, there are things that I cannot do alone, and my husband should not do. So I either pay to have them done, or give a quick call to a friend. Like....can you give me a hand getting the Christmas tree into the stand? Poepl are not mind readers. You really need to admit that this is a huge problem in your life, it won;t last long, it is a life changing event, and you just must reach out for all those extended hands.
Best wishes to you both. - Marybeth

 

[sylviayasgur]

hi linda!
sorry to hear you going through all this.
we are here for you, so please call on us anytime.
please let us know how you are doing (and bruce too).
be well, sylvia

 

[sportsmom12]

Thanks- all is still okay today

Thanks- all is still okay today

I am taking Bruce back to get some blood work done and monitoring today. So far, so good. He is weak, but actually doing well.
Unfortuantly my whole family and his are back in Buffalo, NY where we grew up. But our kids are old enough to help in between school and jobs. I am not one to ask neighbors or anybody else for help. The girls I work with have been great morale support though and have worked extra hours at work to cover for me.
And my employer has been great. I have missed most of the three weeks he was in the hospital and will be missing some when there are no kids around to watch him.

He is very optimisitic(probably too much) The guys at his work called and told him he is going to be President of their golf leaque. I guess he feels he will be golfing this spring. That would be great- but from where he is now- I hope he can.

These forums are great places to communicate with people. I hope to be helping people someday. I am seriously thinking of volunteering at the hospital when things get better at home. There were so many people in there with no vistors or anything. I would like to do something to keep them happy.
Linda

 

[Ross]

4 to 6 weeks from now, you'll hardly be able to tell what happened. He'll be back playing golf and diddling around outside.

It's a slow go at first, but it gets better everyday. Make sure he walks, sleeps, and eats.