Help post surgery

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Joined
Jun 28, 2019
Messages
761
Location
Bangkok Thailand
My girlfriend and I may be breaking up soon and I have no family or friends I can count on after surgery..what kind of help will I need?

Also afraid of being alone and lonely post surgery
 
Hi
My girlfriend and I may be breaking up soon and I have no family or friends I can count on after surgery..what kind of help will I need?
you'll need someone to help you prepare a few things in advance (like groceries) and feed your cats.
Also afraid of being alone and lonely post surgery
don't be, you'll be miserable company and its probably best to be alone.

Merry Christmas
 
At your last echo they informed you that you probably won't need surgery for about 5 years. I expect by then you will likely have another girlfriend.

If not, hiring someone to help for 3 or 4 weeks should be very reasonable in Thailand.

-For me, my wife helped reach things that were up on high shelves, as we are not supposed to do that ourselves for a few weeks.
- It was good to have someone do the shopping for me.
-There will be follow up appointments and you will need to have someone drive you or take a taxi or public transportation.
-You don't really want to be lifting anything more than about 10 pounds, so having someone there to help move things, a chair for example, is nice.
-Opening jars for you. Probably my most embarrassing thing that my wife helped me with was opening up jars. Time to swallow the male ego and leave anything like that to your helper.
-I never really needed help bathing, even in the hospital, but some people might need help there also.
 
If not, hiring someone to help for 3 or 4 weeks should be very reasonable in Thailand.
on this point I'll make suggestions to @newarrior how this can be adapted
-For me, my wife helped reach things that were up on high shelves, as we are not supposed to do that ourselves for a few weeks.
change out "wife" for housekeeper you hire

- It was good to have someone do the shopping for me.
housekeeper, give him/her/them/it/siitin a list and it will be done for less money over your whole recovery than going out to dinner for one night in California

-There will be follow up appointments and you will need to have someone drive you or take a taxi or public transportation.
99% of transportation in Thailand is by 'taxi' anyway

-You don't really want to be lifting anything more than about 10 pounds, so having someone there to help move things, a chair for example, is nice.
put them in a good place and then leave them in place is what I did when I had my OHS #2 and I was living alone.

-Opening jars for you. Probably my most embarrassing thing that my wife helped me with was opening up jars. Time to swallow the male ego and leave anything like that to your helper.
avoid putting lids back on jars firmly once opened, leave in the fridge

-I never really needed help bathing, even in the hospital, but some people might need help there also.
I'm sure someone can help "bathe" for very little money. But equally I never needed that even directly after ICU while still in hospital. My wife did scrub my back once or twice before I got out.

All that is needed is to apply your thinking and stop moping around complaining.

Best Wishes David.
 
newarrior,
Have you explored TAVR? If you are a candidate, this could resolve all your concerns from a recovery, cost, noise/clicking from mechanical valve, etc., standpoint.
 
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My girlfriend and I may be breaking up soon and I have no family or friends I can count on after surgery..what kind of help will I need?

Also afraid of being alone and lonely post surgery
Do you have any friends or helpful neighbors that could help on a temporary basis?
 
By the time you are discharged you should be able to talk on the phone and type on the computer. Perhaps reach out to people you haven't spoken to in a while?
Yes maybe the lonely thing not so bad. There is a lot of activity in my condo complex as well. Probably over a 1000 people here...I am more concerned with getting assistance at home. I am working with home healthcare firms
 
newarrior,
Have you explored TAVR? If you are a candidate, this could resolve all your concerns from a recovery, cost, noise/clicking from mechanical valve, etc., standpoint.
I am 60 so TAVR is not an option...My understanding is TAVR is best age 70 or 71
 
Below are a few posts with some good information/responses when you asked same question before:

Post Op Solo/Pre Op Prep

Doing valve replacement overseas without insurance

Post Op Solo/Pre Op Prep
I know I have asked the same question before regarding post op solo. I stopped thinking about that as I have been living with someone for 2 years--I am now facing the prospect of being alone post op so I am having to revisit the issue. Regarding self pay for surgery that has been resolved. My investments are doing good and I have at least a half dozen hospitals I can do the surgery at at reasonable cost. I repeat things due to autism, anxiety and damage to my long term memory from having almost died from Covid 19 Delta strain and then having long haul Covid which as damaged my ability to retain memory. I also have been on benzos most of my life due to severe anxiety which has also probably damaged my memory. I am also hearing impaired which can damage brain function as well. I am aware of my prior posts.
 
Newarrior - This may be repetitious, but I hope it is helpful. I had a couple weeks to plan for my open heart surgery. As I went about my daily tasks I considered if I would be able to perform each task after surgery. For example, when I fed the birds, I looked at the 40 lb sack of birdseed and realized I could not lift it for at least 6 months after surgery. So I bought an extra 40 lb sack. I had some projects underway before surgery that could not be completed, so I moved those tools and materials to a location where they could be left for 3 months. I had a heavy jug of laundry soap on a shelve above the washing machine, so I moved it to a corner on the floor.

So I suggest you consciously walk through your home and your daily activities and consider what may be problematic after surgery. Consider reach, weight, endurance, and balance. All of these will be limited during surgery recovery.

my most embarrassing thing that my wife helped me with was opening up jars
I fortunately had 2 "pipe strap wrenchs" for rotating car filters, pipes, etc. A pipe strap wrench is a handle with a long, strong reinforced rubber strap that can be wrapped around something to provide leverage. I put one on the jar, held it between my knees, and put the other strap on the lid. I am capable of learning!

Changing a fitted sheet on a heavy mattress was also a problem. I found that I could keep my elbows close to my body and lift a mattress corner straight up. Then I slid a thick book under the mattress corner, which held it up while I put a fresh sheet on. A volume of the Oxford History of the United States worked well for this. The Oxford History is also very informative, although it takes a few weeks to read.
 
I know I have asked the same question before regarding post op solo. I stopped thinking about that as I have been living with someone for 2 years--I am now facing the prospect of being alone post op so I am having to revisit the issue. Regarding self pay for surgery that has been resolved. My investments are doing good and I have at least a half dozen hospitals I can do the surgery at at reasonable cost. I repeat things due to autism, anxiety and damage to my long term memory from having almost died from Covid 19 Delta strain and then having long haul Covid which as damaged my ability to retain memory. I also have been on benzos most of my life due to severe anxiety which has also probably damaged my memory. I am also hearing impaired which can damage brain function as well. I am aware of my prior posts.
Since you have also a few other PROBLEMS, 1. i know what ya dealing with, AS I also have some of those other problems as you have though not quite as bad. 2. If there is any chance at all, perhaps you could ask, not plead, with GF to stick around perhaps at least post surgery and till ya get somewhat settled in??? Perhaps 1-2 months POST? Dont hurt to ask, right?
Like what has already been said, prepare as much as you can before, like things that would be required, make a list ASAP-things needed POST OP, as in, so ya wont need to worry about going shopping, etc. Make sure ya have all the MEDS they have you taking, like the ones for PAIN and blood thinners, not kidding.
3. being down and out for 6 months aint all that bad, it for sure wont be 100% as in that you wont be able to do anything for 6 months! In most cases you will be able to walk on ya own, and YES go to bathroom and shower, and that would be within a months time or less. After my first OPEN HEART, in less than one week, I left Hosp, and took flight back from CLEVELAND CLINIC OH back down to south florida.
So basically what I am saying, get some help with putting that list together, and get all that you will need POST OP, and it aint really that bad, and I think that you will be fine! PS make sure all the bills are paid, and will get paid, ya dont really need that headache with all the rest youll be going thru, good luck my friend!
 
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Newarrior - This may be repetitious, but I hope it is helpful. I had a couple weeks to plan for my open heart surgery. As I went about my daily tasks I considered if I would be able to perform each task after surgery. For example, when I fed the birds, I looked at the 40 lb sack of birdseed and realized I could not lift it for at least 6 months after surgery. So I bought an extra 40 lb sack. I had some projects underway before surgery that could not be completed, so I moved those tools and materials to a location where they could be left for 3 months. I had a heavy jug of laundry soap on a shelve above the washing machine, so I moved it to a corner on the floor.

So I suggest you consciously walk through your home and your daily activities and consider what may be problematic after surgery. Consider reach, weight, endurance, and balance. All of these will be limited during surgery recovery.


I fortunately had 2 "pipe strap wrenchs" for rotating car filters, pipes, etc. A pipe strap wrench is a handle with a long, strong reinforced rubber strap that can be wrapped around something to provide leverage. I put one on the jar, held it between my knees, and put the other strap on the lid. I am capable of learning!

Changing a fitted sheet on a heavy mattress was also a problem. I found that I could keep my elbows close to my body and lift a mattress corner straight up. Then I slid a thick book under the mattress corner, which held it up while I put a fresh sheet on. A volume of the Oxford History of the United States worked well for this. The Oxford History is also very informative, although it takes a few weeks to read.
I THINK THAT I have perhaps a better idea about those jars and bottles, perhaps get them opened pre-surgery, and for heavens sake dont over tighten them, and you will be fine, again. Make sure you dont eat any spoiled food of course, I would also perhaps precook some food you like to eat, then all ya gotta do is reheat. US OUT HERE that grew up in poor families have a saying, leftovers are the best! as in there is 0 and nothing wrong with eating food that was prepared the day before, also make sure you have more then enough AIRTIGHT containers to hold that food so they dont spoil before you get to them! AND I WOULD order a few pies, as in PIZZA! PIZZA happens to be part of a balanced diet, and as if ya didnt know, I place in the FREEZER and they last months easy, been there done that. ALSO while in the USAF, in the military, those PIZZA TRUCKS were depended on for us, we lived on PIZZA, it is true.
 
Hi

you'll need someone to help you prepare a few things in advance (like groceries) and feed your cats.

don't be, you'll be miserable company and its probably best to be alone.

Merry Christmas
There may be some help thru health and human resources. Contact your local Department of Health and Human Resources and or Cholic Charities. You will get thru this and you won't feel much like company for a week or so. Good luck.
 
There may be some help thru health and human resources.
just a quick note, you may not have spotted:
  1. I'm in Australia (such a thing doesn't quite exactly exist here)
  2. the guy I'm replying to is in Thailand (and such a thing doesn't exist there, and if it did he is like so many other Americans who go to live there doesn't speak much of the local language)
  3. I appreciate your care, but in this rare and specific case you should dig through his past posts over the last 4 years and make your own call (my call is he's a toxic narcissistic parasite, and that's being nice) (and yes I realise I said that publicly but no he's never going to read it because he systematically blocks anyone who doesn't feed into his needs, and yes I know this)
Best Wishes
 
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Stock up on as much food, including frozen, (and litter for cat) as you can. I spent my rehab time alone without help from anyone. Abandoned.. Try reading print. books--consumes much time alone, away from electronics. People learn to be alone as I have done. (And forums are another kind of aloneness.) Don't expect anyone to be interested in you or your heart.
 

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