Good Days vs Bad Days

[rubywhistle]

So 16 days out from mitral valve repair through ribs

And i am shocked at how non linear my recovery is!

I know I shouldnt be complaining as it has been better than expected but the bad days are shocking I am breathless dizzy sore grumpy and fed up with not being able to care for myself and my toilet training toddler (STRESS). My toddler is also super clingy and emotional because I was away at hospital and her routine has been so broken. Plus I have never been a neat freak by any means but the house is a real mess and my partner is being really moody and stressed out so im walking on eggshells afraid to mention that my prescribed stockings need a wash or that the floor needs moping (as in non hygenic) incase he has a freak out. We might have cabin fever!

He is also going back to work next week! I am at a loss as to how I am going to do everything here alone with a 2 yr old to look after when i cant lift her...

Sleep is still hard to come by I hear a weird sloshing around in my chest when i lie down flat my whole body seems to shake with my heartbeat and maybe you guys have had this...at night when i am lying down I burp ALOT and its really uncomfortable

I am very much having good days too where I feel alomst like a heart surgery fraud cause everything is going so smoothly and I start think they might not have done it at all!

It has been so different to how I thought it would be both better and worse in parts. Probably better physically and worse emotionally.

Anyways theres my thoughts

 

[Debbrn]

Sorry you are having a rough time. I can't imagine taking care of a 2 year old the fast after surgery. Is there any way you can get any help while your partner is at work? Things will get better. Hugs to you.

Debbie

 

[Allisoninoz]

Hi, I'm in Melbourne. Where are you? The first couple of weeks after heart surgery are tough! Don't feel pathetic when you're feeling miserable - you've been through a lot emotionally and physically.
Can you contact somebody at the hospital from the rehab area - there would have been a physio looking after you, getting you walking etc, do you have their contact details? Call them and explain that you're feeling anxious about coping when your man goes back to work. Maybe call your local council as well. Talk to the community services dept - not to get meals on wheels sort of stuff, but they could arrange to have somebody come around and clean for a couple of weeks I'm sure. That's what they're there for.
Does your little one go to daycare at all? Could she have any extra time in there? Can you simply ask for some help from people? Don't be embarrassed - people are often delighted to help but don't want to hassle you, thinking you might be too tired for calls/visits etc.
It is hard to sleep, which makes the tiredness worse. Just keep walking as much as you can and it'll get easier and easier.
Cheers, Allison

 

[Bina]

Ruby, you have got to speak up and find some help at home. It took me several months before I just said "screw it"
and hired a cleaning lady every couple of weeks. Husbands have their limits on what they can deal with too and we
need to recognize that and plan accordingly.
Best wishes.

 

[piglet]

Hi Ruby,
Try not to be so hard on yourself. Your emotions are going to be on a rollercoaster for a while, you've been through a big trama and you're not sleeping well. I know what you mean about your partner being moody and the walking on eggshells thing, my hubby was that way too. I encourage you to speak with them and not let resentment fester. My house was a mess for ages too, they are just not used to doing it. I found that I had to be specific about asking my husband to do things like cleaning the bathroom and floor, he tended to wait until I asked, he said he didn't want to get in my way or overstep what I felt I could do myself. I would take Alison's advice and see if you or your partner can arrange daycare for a while to give you a break. Or maybe ask a friend or family member for help, most people are willing help but don't really know what you need so they just leave you to recover not wanting to disturb.

Hope things get easier soon

 

[Julian]

Oh geeze good days vs bad days, I know what you mean, I'm 4 months post op and still get these but overall much better at coping with them now vs 2 months ago. Truly seems like everyday thus far has had good and bad parts of each day. I've yet to have a day where I just feel wonderful from sun up to sun down. Just FYI, it will get better for you and I believe some how some way you will find help for your dilemma, things always seem to work out for good people no matter how bad the situation looks.

 

[chaconne]

I can relate to the emotional toddler part, as I am 11-days post op and my 20-month year old son doesn't understand why daddy doesn't pick him up anymore. I find that getting down to his level and holding him while he's standing up, is effective. I'm fortunate to not be his primary care parent at this point. I sympathize with you.

You will be in my prayers,
-Steve