First Day of being really down pre surgery

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vhmoriarty

vhmoriarty

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 9, 2009
Messages
189
Location
Knoxville, Tennessee
I guess Im finally coming to terms that this coming Friday my life will change forever.

I will be undergoing the Ross Procedure on 11/13. In Knoxville, TN by Thomas Pollard. He is a exceptional doctor and I feel really comfortable with him.

I guess I have been so busy reading up on everything, getting my family life in order such as babysitters, bills paid, etc.. That I havent really had time to sit down and almost (grieve) over what is about to happen to me.

I have taken in so much information over the last two months and its coming to a end this week. I am always short of breath while walking now, I am constantly tired, which I blame on my ongoing depression also, but this is in no way helping.

I have had no energy at all today to do anything. I have sat back and just watched my children play. Knowing they dont know what is about to happen to their mother. I have loved and hugged on them all day. Then I shut the door and break down in tears.

I know others have been there. I just needed to vent today. Also I think another trigger is my father will be gone three years this coming Monday.

It feels as if I am at a cross road. I am hoping and praying that things will go smoothly during surgery and I will come out with flying colors and go over the mountain....Then the next minute Im doing the (what ifs). What if I never see my children again, etc etc.

I know in my brain that this is one of the most common procedures. But I had never heard of anyone my age having open heart surgery until I found you guys. This is something you find in older adults. Something I was told I would not even expierence until I was 60 or older.

I just need some encouragement today guys.
 
Vent away...I know how you feel. I still have 2 weeks, but my cath is this Thurs the 12th. I am "nesting" trying to get everything done, cleaned and set up so life can gone on at my home without me here for a week. But the past 2 days I haven't finished anything I have started. My mind is too preoccupied. I want to be "ready" by Thurs. Then I can try and relaxa little next week and just do a few last minute things.

My 4yr old knows about my surgery. He knows I am going to the hospital to get my heart "fixed". He knows it is not the hospital that I work at and that I will be spending several nights there. He knows he will be spending some nights with both sets of grandparents, and that dad will still be around for him too. He keeps coming up with "plans" on when he is going to come and see me and what we are going to do after I'm "fixed". Its so cute. I am guilty of showering him with almost anything he wants, for toys, movies his favorite foods, etc since finding out abut my surgery. Of course he gets lots of love too, I can't stop hugging and kissing him.

It would be so sad missing your father, but remember he will be looking out for you. Get all of the negatives out of your mind...go into surgery with a positive outlook of what your future will hold. (gotta pump myself up about this too) Remember you will be able to keep up with your children like never before after this is done.

Friday the 13th is such a great date...I know everything will go well for you. Thoughts and prayers are coming your way.

Kerri
 
Come on, we are going to be healthy for years to come. I know this surgery is scary but, keep asking yourself "what do I want to do when I get to live after this?' and your whole purpose will come to you. This phase will pass and life will begin.
 
No one can understand *exactly* how you feel, but we sure can relate! I was 24 when I had my surgery, and I'm 29 now. It was so strange to be walking around the cardiac ward after my surgery, all these older gentlemen there and here I am this young gal!

Believe it or not, at 4 years out I forget often that I am a "heart patient". When I relate my story it feels like I'm just reciting something that happened to someone else, it almost doesn't seem real anymore! Certainly when it happened it was a huge deal. I cried all the time and felt no one could understand except the lovely people on this website. Thinking about it...my chest was cracked open and my heart was stopped for nearly 2 hours! That's amazing that so many of us have survived that! I know hearing the survival statistics didn't really give me much comfort, and I don't expect it for you either.

This is a very tough period of your life. I have faith that you *will* get through it. You have the love and support of everyone here. Please feel free to private message me if you want to chat before and/or after your surgery.

I'm so sorry to hear about your father. I lost my dad 3 years ago too, he was only 56 years. The pain lessens over time, but never entirely goes away. I miss him so much.

Take care, we'll be thinking of you!!
 
Hmm, she's not listening to me. Don't make me come over there. You won't like it, I promise you that. :D
 
No point in feeling guilty about how you are feeling. It's a natural human reaction to a very scary thing. Go with the flow of your emotions as they come. You will get to a peaceful place right before your surgery and that will happen when you say to yourself, "I've done everything I can to have a good outcome, I have a terrific doctor who does this each and every working day of his life, probably a couple of times per day on some days, and I am now in his hands and the hands of a higher power"

My very tough husband had his moments before surgery too, he never said much or displayed his feelings prior to surgery, but I do remember him taking my hand and asking me to accompanying him outside. He wasn't feeling well at all, but he wanted to walk all around his house which he loved, and he stopped at each flower and really looked at it, and listened to the birds. No conversation was necessary. I knew what he was thinking.

Many people express a calm that happens on the night before surgery and day of. Not everyone, but many.
 
I have heard about the calmness, and I thought I was already at that point. Then today it just hit me I guess.

And Ross, maybe I just want to come and live in the jar.....lol
 
It is perfectly normal to have a wide range of emotions with any surgery but especially OHS. I was on an emotional roller coaster right up to the day of surgery but was calm when I was wheeled into the operating room. I even joked with the OR staff.

Karl
 
I guarentee that will be me also....When I was having my daughter by csection and they thought they would have to do it that day, (hence I was awake while they put in the swan guaz, atrial line, cathereter, etc), I talked the antheslogists guys heads off. They asked me if I was okay and I said yes until you stop talking....so we talked about football even though I had no idea about any of it, lol. I just had to keep my mind off what was going on around me or what may have happened to me, I guess that is what I am doing now also.

Thanks guys for listening.
 
Valerie, What you are feeling is completely normal. I spent about three months before my surgery being a basket case. I was worried about leaving my children motherless. I certainly couldn't tell them that and my husband wanted no part of any conversation like that. My husband and I had a couple of "moments" when we would be lying in bed together at night, in the dark, we would look at each other and both of us would cry. We were scared. Obviously though, in the end, everything worked out fine. It will for you too.

The night before my surgery, in the hotel room, I became very calm and confident about what was going to happen. I knew that everything was going to be ok.

I hope you manage to have a great week this week before the big day. We will be waiting to hear how you are doing.

Kim
 
Don't try to do too much. You need to take it easy and not worry about your household affairs for the next week. Who do you have who can step in to help you through this week? Don't try to do everything yourself. Call in some help.
 
Valerie, I haven't been where you are yet, but I imagine similar type thoughts will be going through my head. This is serious stuff! I think you are allowed to feel the drama of it all. Try your best though to focus more on the long term than the short term and how good you are going to feel afterwards! No more shortness of breath walking across the room, you'll have more energy to chase the kids around. You are on the road to better times ahead.

Best of luck!

Rhena
 
This surgery thing IS a big deal. It's very scary. The best encouragement I can give you is that after surgery was one of the happiest times I can remember. Actually the first 3 days or so in the hospital were bad, but after I got out, my wife and I were in an apartment for a week right across the street from the hospital (in New York City) We were on a mini-vacation without the kids. One week after surgery I went to Times Square and shopped, had dinner and saw a movie. It was tiring, yes, but it was thrilling. We also visited the Apple store in Soho and bought an iPod. It was great. The apartment was a real dump, but it was like heaven to me! I know you'll probably just be going home from the hospital, but I'm hoping you'll also experience the joy of being alive and on the other side!
 
Valerie....Everyone goes through what your feeling. A week before surgery I was totally freaking out but when I finally got to C.C. for initial testing a few days before surgery a calm came over me. I think will will experience the same thing where your attitude is gonna be "lets get this done and over with". The day of the surgery I had to be at the hospitial at 5:15am. I figured they would give me sedatives or something for my nerves but to be honest I didn't need it. They didn't give me anything until I was actually in the OR. I was yappin away right until they pushed whatever it was into my IV, and the next thing I knew I was in the ICU.

Your gonna do great. So don't grieve over what your about to experience. Celebrate it because your getting a new lease on life !
 
Im trying to look more positive at the outcome. Im trying today and hope that I can this week, look towards what I will be doing one month, two months, one year from now.

For some reason today the world looks so clear here. For the past week we have had sunny blue skies everyday...not too cold, not too warm. Perfect Fall Weather.

I have been taking it all in this morning, and thanking GOD that after Friday I will be able to go out and expierence it all without worrying about when will this surgery be over, when will I be able to walk without SOB.

Thanks guys for letting me vent. This coming week, Im hoping a FULL sense of calm comes over me. Cause I have been talking everyones heads off for the last three days.

Love ya guys!

And Ross if you are reading this. You may want to put my room in the jar on hold. Im doing better today! :)
 
Pffft, plenty of time to fill the jar. I'm in no hurry. Heck, I might even join them in there before you do.
 
My husband said the two best wards in the hospital are the maternity and post-cardiac surgery ward. Both are focused on new life. You'll see.

Don't feel guilty about the way you feel right now. Everyone needs to mourn and better that your body begins to come to terms now rather than suffering a possible severe post-op depression with all of the inevitable surgery-related chemistry imbalances.

Take some time to celebrate all your life has to offer and relax. (easier said than done)

Take Heart,
Pamela.
 
A week before my surgery I was a self professed basket case.

We went out and bought a new bike and planted it in my living room. I told myself that I would be riding that bike in a month, and I did.

The bike gave me something concrete that I could focus on that was going to be a part of my future. Something I could touch, Something my family could touch.

I will be praying from here on through.

Rob
 
Be strong...

Be strong...

You have such a positive mannar about yourself. What you are facing is, indeed, very scarey. But you have to know that there are so many folks here who have faced that devil and overcome it.

I will tell you, you will feel so much better after all is said and done. Please know that great and grand days are in your future. You will feel so much better after the deed is done.

I will hold you in my thoughts and good wishes.

Kind regards,
Blanche
 
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