2 very important appointments coming up

[Spookygal]

After a veryyyyyy long week (being a nurse on top of the weight of my recent news) I’m finally in bed, Game of Thrones on the flat screen, enjoying a seltzer in my comfies.

I’ve been trying to relax and get a freaking grip. Lol. Very hard for me. Lots of tears, lots of googling. Sometimes I get to a very rational state and that’s helpful. This forum is A GODSEND. I feel very well read already lol.

So February 22nd is my first appointment with my new cardiologist. I had a cardiac PA since my murmur was discovered in 2022 and he’s just lowkey sucked since. My last conversation with him last week was “yeah you’re gonna need heart surgery, get in touch with a surgeon”. Lol. Great.

(Reminder, BAV with moderate regurg and 4.1cm aneurysm)

So made it my #1 duty to find a MD cardiologist. I love my PA’s but there’s just some things you need a doctor for. So I got that down. I’ll speak with him when I’m back from a long weekend in Maine coming up.

February 28th is the cardiac surgeon appointment at NYU Langone. I’ll hear from him his thoughts about everything that’s going on.

I’m nervous for these appointments as I don’t know what they’re going to tell me. It’s so crazy how different my life can be in just 3 short weeks. I’m trying to stay calm and collected. We’ll see how it goes.

I’ll keep you guys updated, if you care! Lol

Enjoy your weekend everyone

 

[pellicle]

Hi

I’ve been trying to relax and get a freaking grip. Lol. Very hard for me. Lots of tears, lots of googling.

ok, well its rare to see total contradiction in the very next sentence, but I do see you spaced it with irony (the Bill the Cat version of Lol 0.o)

I think someone needs to take your phone off you.

I don't understand the googling and I suspect neither do you. I suspect you are just looking for comfort, and I can assure you you won't find that on Google.

Comfort comes from confidence and certainty. What is it that you're looking for on Google? You already know:

1. you have a problem
2. its not "kill you in 5 hours" sort of problem (like being bitten by a red bellied black)
3. you are already on the path

so take your micro manager control freak hat off and see that the truth is you can't control it. If you don't do this soon (like by the time you're clicking like on this) then it will control you.
I wrote this in 2015 in the times after the horror years.

https://cjeastwd.blogspot.com/2015/09/denial-or-delusion.html
a red bellied black encounter I had while videoing
(*NthAmericanWarning: video below contains normal adult surprised language)

My last conversation with him last week was “yeah you’re gonna need heart surgery, get in touch with a surgeon”. Lol. Great.

that is actually great ... now you know the journey ... perfect!

Now turn your phone off and have a good weekend.

Don't google without a clear and specific question. Before "asking that question" as yourself "how will the answer help me"

Best Wishes

 

[Spookygal]

Hi



ok, well its rare to see total contradiction in the very next sentence, but I do see you spaced it with irony (the Bill the Cat version of Lol 0.o)

I think someone needs to take your phone off you.

I don't understand the googling and I suspect neither do you. I suspect you are just looking for comfort, and I can assure you you won't find that on Google.

Comfort comes from confidence and certainty. What is it that you're looking for on Google? You already know:

1. you have a problem
2. its not "kill you in 5 hours" sort of problem (like being bitten by a red bellied black)
3. you are already on the path

so take your micro manager control freak hat off and see that the truth is you can't control it. If you don't do this soon (like by the time you're clicking like on this) then it will control you.
I wrote this in 2015 in the times after the horror years.

https://cjeastwd.blogspot.com/2015/09/denial-or-delusion.html
a red bellied black encounter I had while videoing
(*NthAmericanWarning: video below contains normal adult surprised language)



that is actually great ... now you know the journey ... perfect!

Now turn your phone off and have a good weekend.

Don't google without a clear and specific question. Before "asking that question" as yourself "how will the answer help me"

Best Wishes

Thank you Pellicle! Another very blunt but NEEDED response about something you’re 100000% right about!! I suppose I’m used to coddling (health anxiety I think had a hand in this).

I even come here and I’ve read sooooo many threads from everyone, just going one by one. I need to stop that too. At least I need to until the end of February. What’s done is done! I wish I had your outlook.

Sometimes I’m even like “if I don’t obsess over this then something will go wrong”. Silly.

But I agree I need to limit the endless searching as it’s not serving me and things could be very much worse.

Omg a snake!! Wow. Australia? Had no idea. Off to google about red bellied black snakes now…….

Kiddingggggg.

 

[pellicle]

Hi

Another very blunt but NEEDED response about something you’re 100000% right about!!

sorry, but I just don't like window dressing, I'm a catalog shopper. Ikea is very good at providing distraction ... distraction is good for Ikea sales, but its not good for you.

I suppose I’m used to coddling (health anxiety I think had a hand in this).

did this come from your parents or you? or both?

I even come here and I’ve read sooooo many threads from everyone, just going one by one. I need to stop that too.

perhaps ... unless you focus on reading the words like "everything went well" and not trying to dig out the 0.5% of posts that talk about where it went wrong. Heck even my "bad time" came good eventually. Like they say, what doesn't kill you just makes you stranger ;-)

*and I think most would agree I'm pretty strange.

I wish I had your outlook.

go to classes on Zen and meditation technique.

Sometimes I’m even like “if I don’t obsess over this then something will go wrong”. Silly.

a really good step. Obsession is a disease, it is like a cognitive version of cancer which iteratively chews up more and more of your conscious thought until you crave its insatiable treadmill turning your mind into a mad caged hamster

But I agree I need to limit the endless searching as it’s not serving me and things could be very much worse.

no, don't limit it, simply cease it. The problem is that its (the anxiety) lying to you to get its time in the sun, not unlike the (quite ludicrous but enthralling) story by M Knight Shyamalan called Spit.

Perhaps this is a good opportunity (now that you face an actual sort of threatening crisis) to dig into psychology? I'd start with actually reading Carl Jung (not what others say about what he wrote), however this is a good intro if nothing else.. His insights into the persona are perhaps very helpful.

Expect that to be a Journey which takes years.

"That which you most need will be found where you least want to look." ​

​

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”​

​

“Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.”​

- Carl Jung
Lastly on research I've collected and written this:

https://cjeastwd.blogspot.com/2021/07/done-my-research.html

Best Wishes

 

[dornole]

Excellent, glad you are getting an MD cardiologist, 100% appropriate . . . . they should be able to look at your tests and see if you really even need a surgical consult right now.

You are BAV with moderate regurg and 4.1cm aneurysm, right? Obviously, you are going to ask the cardiologist and there are nuances to every situation, including if it's changing quickly . . . but, neither of those isolated figures sounds like unquestionable !!!!PROCEED TO SURGERY NOW!!!!! territory. Did your cardiac PA mean you need surgery . . . eventually? You may be getting all worked up only to have them tell you "meh, you're boring, come back in 6 months or a year."

For perspective, I have had moderate-to-severe mitral regurgitation for 22 years now. I get an echo every year because it's unpredictable how the disease can develop, it's not a straight-line progression. A couple times, my regular echo has come back with concerning results. They did a TEE both times to confirm, and said whoops, false alarm, you are still medically boring. Next patient! Meanwhile, I had worried and bought a powered recliner for my "surgical recovery." Ha!

I guess what I'm saying is, try to put your worries on pause at least till your appointment on the 22nd. You don't need to fight imaginary battles. You'll be perfectly able to handle it when it actually needs to be handled. Keep us posted!

 

[pellicle]

PS
does this:

Off to google about red bellied black snakes now…….

mean you didn't see the URL (link) that I put in the words on point 2?

 

[Spookygal]

PS
does this:

mean you didn't see the URL (link) that I put in the words on point 2?

LOL I did, I kept trying to rewind and see it because I kept missing the snake.

 

[pellicle]

LOL I did, I kept trying to rewind and see it because I kept missing the snake.

I was meaning this link

its blue and bolded so you don't have to google, just click that (in my post, not the above image)

In the video the snake was hard to see, but if you step through it you can see it very briefly. Bloody thing lunged at me.

 

[pellicle]

 

[Spookygal]

View attachment 889871

OMG

 

[Spookygal]

Excellent, glad you are getting an MD cardiologist, 100% appropriate . . . . they should be able to look at your tests and see if you really even need a surgical consult right now.

You are BAV with moderate regurg and 4.1cm aneurysm, right? Obviously, you are going to ask the cardiologist and there are nuances to every situation, including if it's changing quickly . . . but, neither of those isolated figures sounds like unquestionable !!!!PROCEED TO SURGERY NOW!!!!! territory. Did your cardiac PA mean you need surgery . . . eventually? You may be getting all worked up only to have them tell you "meh, you're boring, come back in 6 months or a year."

For perspective, I have had moderate-to-severe mitral regurgitation for 22 years now. I get an echo every year because it's unpredictable how the disease can develop, it's not a straight-line progression. A couple times, my regular echo has come back with concerning results. They did a TEE both times to confirm, and said whoops, false alarm, you are still medically boring. Next patient! Meanwhile, I had worried and bought a powered recliner for my "surgical recovery." Ha!

I guess what I'm saying is, try to put your worries on pause at least till your appointment on the 22nd. You don't need to fight imaginary battles. You'll be perfectly able to handle it when it actually needs to be handled. Keep us posted!

Thank you so much for this wonderful reply. Gives me hope lol. I’ll try and enjoy the next couple weeks before my appointments!

 

[Dunwanted]

Hello Spookygal,

welcome to this forum, i remember when i received the news that i needed surgey it was very hard news to hear and to deal with as well.

Trying to stay positive may be hard now but it will get easier with time (atleast it was for me), try not to read too much or go crazy googling, once you meet with your surgeon and cardiologist you should do a bit of research in an objective way regarding your options and what each options entails.

There is a lot of helpful members who provide a lot of information regarding their personal experience and research regarding valve replacement.

 

[slipkid]

View attachment 889871

Thx for the red circle annotation. I spent hours (ok, exaggerating, more like 2 minutes) looking at your post but could not see the "red bellied black" and had no idea what it was supposed to be.

Now that I see it, it doesn't look very big - that's nothing! I once ran over a huge snake that stretched completely across a road ("Alligator Alley" in Florida). No way to avoid it. Felt like a speed bump. And after going over it the thing shot up in the air (saw it in the rearview mirror). Needless to say I didn't go back to see if it was OK or needed help crossing the road. I assumed he was pretty pissed off!

All of that is discounting the fact that your Australian snake is probably so poisonous that it can kill a man at 50 yards just sticking its tongue out (? seems like Australia has the most lethal & dangerous snakes, spiders, fish, insects, and everything!?).

 

[dick0236]

I’m nervous for these appointments as I don’t know what they’re going to tell me. It’s so crazy how different my life can be in just 3 short weeks. I’m trying to stay calm and collected. We’ll see how it goes.

Even tho it has been decades since my surgery, I can remember feeling what you feel. Back then I was 30 years old, a senior in college (I was a late bloomer), had a wife and two little boys (6&8 years old), no job, and little money......and doctors who were telling me that I had a one in four chance of dropping dead with no warning. A few months later I had aortic valve surgery. Fast forward to today......I graduated a few months before surgery, my two sons have retired from their careers and now have their own families ( I have 3 grandkids and 5 great-grandkids). I had a couple of successful careers, retired, and have lived longer than most males (I am now 88)..........and none of that would have been possible without a brand new surgical procedure called "heart valve replacement". You'll have your own memories after you get past "this bump in the road".

 

[pellicle]

Now that I see it, it doesn't look very big

yep, its not big compared to any of the python or constrictor family. But for a fast moving (it can move faster than you can run) venomous hunting snake its pretty concerning if one charges you when you're not on wheels.

 

[pellicle]

see the "red bellied black" and had no idea what it was supposed to be.

just wondering if you too missed this

which is a URL (link) that if you'd clicked it showed exactly what one is. Its frustrating that URL's do not properly have an __________ beneath them on this forum.

We do have big snakes (as I mentioned above), it took me a little while to find this picture (its not mine) taken of an Olive Python claiming the roo that it nearly lost to the water.

Olive's are pretty big and pretty strong, but I have no idea how its going to get that roo out of there.

 

[slipkid]

 

[pellicle]

absolutely one of the best movies ever made