I've got a date and anxiety is my middle name!

[JaneBerm]

Tuesday, February 24 is the date that has been set for my AVR and possible aorta replacement surgery. I met with my surgeon last Monday and had such a tough time communicating with him, that I haven't even been able to talk about it with anyone except closest friends and family. I'm attempting to not make my grown children, aging mother and other family and friends aware of just how anxious I am, but I'm not sure how long I can keep a lid on it all.

I met with my surgeon once before and decided to go with him since he is absolutely the best in RI. My thinking was that I need him to be the best mechanic and not my friend, but that doesn't make it all that much easier to deal with his abbrasive nature. He was involved in an emergency on Monday and almost 45 minutes late for the appointment. Once he arrived, he wasn't in a mood to answer any questions--and I had brought my list! It proved to be something of a confrontation that left me almost numb.

After mulling it over all night, I began to break down at a work meeting and found it very difficult to concentrate. I'm getting better now, but it certainly took a long time to get past the fact that after months of investigation and reading seemingly endlessly what everyone on this wonderful site has to offer, I may have made a mistake.

While I've been almost asystomatic since I learned about this in a routine exam, my little indicators have increased dramatically since the run-in with my surgeon. I even considered starting over in Boston, but I also feel like I just have to get this over with--the sooner the better. My cardiologist is great, so that's a major consolation.

In the meantime, my pre-admission session is scheduled for Friday, Feb. 20, with surgery on Tuesday, Feb. 24. Has anyone else had a similiar situation? I'm uncomfortable sharing all of my anxiety with people who while sympathathitic, don't really understand what I'm feeling right now.

Jane

 

[Nancy]

While many surgeons are good guys and are personable because they understand how anxious people are when they first consult with them, there are others who have no people skills.

The good thing is that you will have minimal interaction with him and when he is working on you, you will be out like a light, and he can be as grumpy as can be, and you'll never know

You will probably see him a couple of times after surgery, but it's been my experience with my husband's surgeries (Joe had a wonderful surgeon, thankfully, nice as can be), that many other staff people will do routine follow up.

You will probably also have a couple of appts. once you get back home, but then you will be discharged to your cardiologist.

You are right, the most important thing is his skills, and if he has a top notch rep., then I guess he is the one to do the job. Afterall, you aren't making a lifetime committment with this man, you would be hiring him to do an excellent job.

There are some wonderful CD available for folks about to undergo difficult medical procedures. They utilize Guided Imagery, and several members here have used them.

You might want to take a look at this site, and possibly think about getting one of the CDs.

http://www.guidedimageryinc.com/home.html

 

[DebbyA]

Jane--
similar, but not exact. As you know, your surgeon's charms are not as important as his skill. But you do deserve to have your questions answered, and also the assurance of a helpful response if you have questions after surgery. I think you should call his office to find out who your primary contact there should be, and talk to that person. Many practices have a nurse practitioner or PA for that. Your surgery date is close enough that it's perfectly reasonable to want to know who to call for questions at any hour. If that path isn't satisfactory, talk to your cardiologist. My surgeon's office was excellent in patient support before and after, but I did ask my cardiologist a couple of questions before surgery, and she took them up with surgeon.
Best wishes, and listen to Nancy!

 

[sheridan07]

I am in the same boat as you are. My Surgeon understands as well as my family. That is why I was told by my mom is the reason for family. In her words "to Love,support" one another. I go in on Feb 23 and it helps talking or writing about, as well taking alittle pill too. Good luck!

 

[kpearse]

My surgeon was right to the point. He answered all my questions, showed me how and where the cut would be. I told him how anxious I was, he understood and made me feel Ok with the whole thing. Then again all this happened very fast, a matter of days.
Good Luck, and relax.

 

[Buffy41]

We all felt anxious before our surgery. Mine was on Jan 22. As every one on here told me the waiting is the hardest part, and I agree with them. I'm not an emotional person and before my surgery I could/would cry at anything. Try to relax and take one day at a time.

 

[kfay]

Jane, My surgeon did answer all of my questions, but he definitely wasn't warm and fuzzy. It took me a little while to realize that I wasn't hiring him for his personality, but rather for his surgical expertise. I only vaguely remember him being in ICU the day after my surgery and then I never saw him again! As long as you have a good cardio in your corner, you'll be fine.

Find a couple of people you feel comfortable sharing how you feel with. I think you'll be surprised at how they will be there for you. The anxiety at this stage of the game is just pure misery.

Good luck to you...you'll be fine.

Kim

 

[sonup]

Jane, I understand your situation and a used to feel the same.Even today i don't like to talk much over it and discuss .I am not that scare now and almost ready for the surgery.

My surgeon has played a big role.He has answered all my question and really feel he is a nice person to talk to.I fact i am totally asymptomatic and it was difficult to get myself convinced to go for a surgery but he has answered all my question and also total me that surgery is required for my own benefit.

ok take care

 

[BDMc]

Jane, Sorry your surgeon doesn't know that half of his job! On the other hand, what has been said about his technical skills is the key. My first cardiologist had about as much warmth as a rock outside your window does right now. He did however have a stellar reputation for his mechanical skills. I spoke with my surgeon before the operation, but don't think I got to see him until afterwards, and I had no choice in any of the selections. I was so anxious I was in complete denial for a few weeks. If you have some sort of gut reaction, or intuition that you don't feel comfortable with the surgeon, I'd say come up to Boston. However, I felt the same way about getting it done, and over with. I think you are right to go ahead if you don't have any other reservations. You are bound to be very anxious facing OHS, try to focus on the positive side of things. The vast majority make it, and most of us have fairly minor "bumps in the road" to recovery if any. Review survival stats if that helps, and try to plan, (what you need to bring to hospital, who will help care for you during the first 3 weeks of recovery etc...)All this will give you a sense of control. You can add valve selection to the list, if you haven't decided yet. This is all serious stuff that really will help you be prepared as much as you can be. Beyond that, keep talking to us. On that note, feel free to PM me, I'll give you my number if you want to talk on the phone. You can get through this. Brian

 

[catwoman]

Jane:

Did a family member accompany you to this meeting with the surgeon? Please have one go with you on Friday to the pre-admission session.

Like others have already said, your dealings with the surgeon will be minimal compared to his staff, your cardiologist and the hospital staff.

Pre-op anxieties can maximize many things. Between now and your surgery, "treat" yourself to a few enjoyable things (movie, your favorite restaurant, a car ride out into the countryside, etc.).

BTW, my dad grew up in Cranston. His mother's family was from the Providence area. I've traveled through RI a number of times, spent a day in Warwick in the mid-1990s. Lovely area.

 

[JaneBerm]

Thank you everyone for your advice

Thank you everyone for your advice

Thank you everyone for your advice. My head is in a little better place now and I do appreciate hearing from so many people regarding the ""skill vs. peronsonality" factor of so many surgeons. I've resolved my issues with the surgeon and am content to just let him do his job and turn me over to the staff and my cardiologist.

I did get a chance to speak with his PA this week and she was willing to add a PT to my pre-admin meeting. She even set up a phone call from the PT for a phone screening ahead of time. In addition to my anxiety about the surgery, I've been very anxious to pave the path for my immediate rehab. I had polio as a young child and have mobility issues that will make it difficult, if not nearly impossible for me to be up and walking within the first day or two. I use under-arm crutches and a scooter for distances (shopping, etc.). Regardless of the assistance I need, I am very active, drive, work full time and manage my home. I've been attempting to get everyone on the same page, regarding the differences and difficulties I might face that are beyond the norm for most patients. This has proven to be almost impossible and I'm not sure it would be easier anywhere else.

I've learned so much from everyone here that I now sometimes feel that I know a little too much. Does that make sense to anyone else? Underr normal circumstance anticipation of the issues gives me a feeling of control, in this situation, it seems to have just made me so much more anxious and feeling like I can't get anyone to understand.

I'm sorry for being so long winded, but I am a teacher and sometimes you just can't shut us up! Thanks again for listening, I feel better already.

Jane

 

[axeldog]

Jane,

Hang in there! Just take everything step by step, ask questions when you want. My surgeon was straight with me. He came in told me what had to be fixed and then he did it. His bedside manner was not very personable. I was only concerned that he could do the job in the OR.

 

[debster913]

Hi, Jane Anxiety Bern! This is Debi Frustrated North.

Gosh, we have all been through so many things as we approach our respective surgeries...I was about to tear my hair out when I had to wait what seemed forever to get my date.

Looks like a lot of folks have given you great advice, but I can only add my 2 cents and wish you the best.

Love,
Debi (debster913)

 

[barrie]

Ditto

Ditto

Jane I can totally empathise with how you feel.My AVR and pulmonary vein isolation op is scheduled for 26/2/09.I have been going through a rollercoaster of emotions mostly of either being very positive and wanting to get this over with other anxieties of what if this goes wrong etc.This site has been wonderful with all the different experiences and advice to read.It is very true to say that some surgeons are poor communicators, often skill and bedside manner don't match but in this situation give me skill anytime.
It has been very difficult for me to get to grips with all these feelings because fortunately I've been used to very good health just unlucky to have been born with a bicuspid aortic valve which is now causing problems.Fingers crossed for a successful surgery and uneventful recovery for us all.

 

[tex]

Hi Jane, My Surgeon was a man of little words, but he was the best in the UK, my husband asked my Cardiologist if he needed surgery who would he have to operate on him and Dr Keenan was his answer, so that was good enough for us, at my pre-op with him i found him very hard to talk to, but here we have a brillant Cardio-Thoracic Liaison Team, which you can go and see or phone anytime before or after you operation. But i do know how you are feeling you wouldn't be normal, you try and hide your fear, to protect others who you know are as worried as you. I did this but in the end it was to much to hide i did have a lot of weepy moments and was told it was the best way and its good for you to cry, infact my family and me had a few good crys together. In the end i did visit my GP who did presribe a mild tablet for anxiety, which was a great help, i know thats not everybodys choice and wasnt mine at first but after talking to him i gave it go and im so glad i did. Also i wished that i had found this site before my operation, the guys on here are great and can answer and give advice on everything, it is just brillant. I do wish you all the very best with your operation, please let us know how you get on, with love Jane

 

[Curtsmum]

We was lucky our surgeon was brilliant he sat and explained everything to us and answered all our questions. I find it hard to talk to friends about my son because nobody wants to listen to your fears of the surgery itself, all i ever get is he will be ok, guess it would be different if it was there child. Thats where this place is great because you can ask questions and always get answers, no matter how silly the question sounds. All the best with your surgery, the waiting can be one of the hardest parts to get through. All the best. Tc

 

[escargome]

Hi Jane,
First, I'm glad that you were able to get some of your concerns addressed through your surgeons staff. Understandably you want to be certain that your personal abilities which are required for mobility are carefully addressed. I would to. And I will pray that in the end, the hospital staff and everyone turns to the same page you are on. Will your husband or family member be with you most of the time that you are hospitalized? If so, have them firmly re-enforce your physical limits to the hospital staff. I'm fairly sure that Physical Therapy can work something out to stretch your limbs without the necessity of walking. Just don't forget to do that spirometer as much as you can and try to sit in the hospital chair instead of the bed if you are able. Anyway, my lecture is finished. I will be praying that everything goes well for you. (yes I am bossy)

 

[Nupur]

It's a bummer about his bedside manner, but like everyone was saying it's his hands that matter, and hopefully after your post op checkup you never see him again!

 

[briansmom]

Jane,
I very much know what you mean about knowing too much! But, like you, knowledge lets me preserve my "illusion of control".

As for the surgeon. We have unfortunately spent a lot of time with my son's surgeons and I absolutely adore all 3 of them - now. I think the first words out of one of the surgeons mouth after the "we gotta go NOW" were "I don't do parents, I'm in charge and what I say goes". This was as they were practically running my son down the hall to emergency OHS. This man is brilliant and we have a great relationship now. Also, the last time we went to talk to his main surgeon it was obvious that he had had a very bad day. I had a really hard time asking him any tough questions that day because he looked so upset already. So these guys are human and maybe he was just having a bad day.

 

[zipper2]

Hi Jane, so glad you are ready for Feb.24th.
I can remember myself,the waiting was the worst.
Then 2 days prior to my surgery,i get a phone call
my surgeon broke his leg in 3 places(hit by car),and
i was devastated as i was referred to a surgeon i didn't
know 2 weeks later,well turns out he was the best surgeon,
and i got to know him so well prior to surgery due to being
bumped while in hospital for that surgery (3) days.
which gave me more time to know him better and each time
i changed my decision on something and needed to see him
he was there for me.
In the end it turned out so well,and for you too it will all go well.
So glad you found the site and have all these wonderful people
to help you out too.
best to you on the 24th,we will all be with you,cheering you on.

zipper2 (DEB)