What did your spouse do for you?

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MaryC

MaryC

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 18, 2006
Messages
515
Location
DFW, TX
Karlynn's post in another thread made me think about my poor husband. I had minimally invasive mitral valve repair and while I was in the hospital had a pain pump on the right side of my chest and a drain. When this was removed it left 2 holes, one was an 'open' wound....I think you could actually see the ring on my repair!! :D They told us it would close but needed to be cleaned and dressed every day. This was one of the many jobs for my hubby after surgery. I am sure this was not fun for him but he did it! What 'odd jobs' did your spouse get that they probably didn't know they signed up for?

PS I am hoping this thread doesn't get too wild. It's just something that came up with me that we weren't expecting.
 
From Pairodocs-Laura

From Pairodocs-Laura

Well, when Chris got his first bath after his surgery, he was still intubated. The nurse asked if I wanted to "take care of his privates". So I did, knowing how fussy he is down there, and made nothing was pinching and that it was all absolutely clean and dry. I helped him shave at first (never shaved a man's face with a regular razor before!) and took pictures of his tube removals and all at his request. I also argued regularly with dietary, since so many foods "may" contain gluten. We've been using some of these foods for years, and have researched them thoroughly. I finally had to pull the "doctor" card and tell them that I am a doctor on staff at a sister hospital and to approve the choices. Holding the urinal for him before the catheter and after was also a new experience. The usual hygiene stuff...you know...Mostly I helped him wash his hair and stuff like that; he was doing most of it himself after we got to the floor. Oh, yeah, I had to take his stitches out, and cut down some of the wire ends of the sternotomy wires to below the skin (very fine bits of wire; I have a pair of circumcision scissors that I sterilized to do it).

Actually, what I didn't sign up for was the whole darn OHS in the first place. Well, "...in sickness and in health..."

REALLY Hot Day in Idaho,
-Laura
 
The Patients Also Have Some Chores To Do, Too!

The Patients Also Have Some Chores To Do, Too!

I could not do much physically for Laura, but where she took care of my many physical needs, I had to be there from the first lucid moment to reassure her that I was still all there for her, and that I would, by God's grace, be always there for her. Even during one of my less-than-lucid moments I tried to give her a kiss while I was intubated! Later I was able to give her a normal kiss--just to let her know that I was really back for keeps including the love part. During some 'flashback' times I'd wake up enough to let her lay her hand on my chest or whatever she needed to know that I was still okay. I let her know over and over that I loved her and when she cried I would comfort her. So we were both in this together. Gradually, as my physical condition improved, I was able to resume chores and driving a little at a time, but still whenever she needed to lay her head on my chest (when the healing allowed it) I would quietly hold her as she listened to my heart beating (yes it's fast, but it's normal too!), and then she'd have some peace and could sleep better.

So even the patient half of a marriage has something to contribute, even if it amounts to little more than cheer leading and emotional support at first. This is vital, though. The spouse has been through the trauma, too! Wide awake for the entire event, to boot! Someone once said (I think Dr. McCoy in some Star Trek novel) "The only thing worse than me suffering terribly, is watching helplessly as someone else I deeply care for suffers terribly." It's true, even worn out old statements like "This is going to hurt me a lot more than it's going to hurt you." just prior to administering a spank, really mean something to the parent who has to do the spanking. We're married "in sickness and in health." It never becomes more apparent what the "sickness" part means than when one of the married couple has an exceptionally close brush with death and comes out the other side. True, both are still alive, but the marriage will never be the same again. Whatever doesn't destroy you probably will strengthen you. I've never been closer to Laura than after the surgery. So while Laura had to arrange pillows in bizarre ways to support me when I first got home, I arranged myself similarly to support her, too. In many ways we're better for it--though some days it still is difficult... We'll get through these times together, too!;)

Chris
 
What a super post,

My husband during my surgery dropped those ice particles
and even drips of a dipped facecloth with cold drops of water down
my throat during time of my breathing tube in recovery.:):):)

Can't explain how something so little meant so much to me
I can go on and on yesterdays and todays and tomorrows days
and our 24 years of marriage,i'll sum it up in 4 words

I LOVE YOU DALE:):)


zipper2
 
If you've had buttcrack surgery and got through it then your OHS should be a snap ! And if your wife deserves a medal by the way.
 
Good morning! AaronJ your buttcrack story made me laugh- sorry- probably your bluntness more than the story.
My husband (as most of you already know because of my recent complaining) had to learn how and administer my lovenox shots on day 13 when my aunt had to leave! Luckily he only had to do it for a week, but it was long enough for the both of us!
I had a previous surgery (NOT OHS) where I got sent home with a catheter and drainage tubes (eek) and my wonderful husband took care of both overnight. Luckily they didnt last. I think he was relieved that all that got taken care of by nurses this time in the hospital! :)
 
PairoDocs said:
I could not do much physically for Laura, but where she took care of my many physical needs, I had to be there from the first lucid moment to reassure her that I was still all there for her, and that I would, by God's grace, be always there for her. Even during one of my less-than-lucid moments I tried to give her a kiss while I was intubated! Later I was able to give her a normal kiss--just to let her know that I was really back for keeps including the love part. During some 'flashback' times I'd wake up enough to let her lay her hand on my chest or whatever she needed to know that I was still okay. I let her know over and over that I loved her and when she cried I would comfort her. So we were both in this together. Gradually, as my physical condition improved, I was able to resume chores and driving a little at a time, but still whenever she needed to lay her head on my chest (when the healing allowed it) I would quietly hold her as she listened to my heart beating (yes it's fast, but it's normal too!), and then she'd have some peace and could sleep better.

So even the patient half of a marriage has something to contribute, even if it amounts to little more than cheer leading and emotional support at first. This is vital, though. The spouse has been through the trauma, too! Wide awake for the entire event, to boot! Someone once said (I think Dr. McCoy in some Star Trek novel) "The only thing worse than me suffering terribly, is watching helplessly as someone else I deeply care for suffers terribly." It's true, even worn out old statements like "This is going to hurt me a lot more than it's going to hurt you." just prior to administering a spank, really mean something to the parent who has to do the spanking. We're married "in sickness and in health." It never becomes more apparent what the "sickness" part means than when one of the married couple has an exceptionally close brush with death and comes out the other side. True, both are still alive, but the marriage will never be the same again. Whatever doesn't destroy you probably will strengthen you. I've never been closer to Laura than after the surgery. So while Laura had to arrange pillows in bizarre ways to support me when I first got home, I arranged myself similarly to support her, too. In many ways we're better for it--though some days it still is difficult... We'll get through these times together, too!;)

Chris
Click to expand...

Chris - You are so right about what an emotional experience this is for the patient and their loved ones. It's been over a year since my surgery (02/2007) and my husband still gets emotional when he talks about being in the waiting room during my surgery and the days after. My surgery certainly made our relationship stronger.
 
I gave Joe all his bed baths when he was in the hospital, and stayed with him as many hours as physically possible. I learned how to give him his ProCrit shots which he had to have 3 times per week. I managed all his medications which were quite a handful.

I kept a written running tally of all his medical problems, hospitalizations and procedures, plus an up to date list of his recent meds and dosages. Both of these were kept in my wallet in case he had an emergency. His medical history was way too long for an oral presentation to the intake person. I just handed them his 4 page (small font) medical history for their reading pleasure.

I made sure that all of his doctors knew what all the others were doing or planning.

And I read as much as my brain would hold about his problems and the proper treatment for them.
 
well, this started off with what spouses did that they didn't sign up for. Mine did all the usual stuff, fluffing pillows, fetching, bending, re-arranging things so I could reach them without stretching, helping me in and out of bed, being there when I showered etc., etc., etc., but these were all part of the pre-op (as opposed to pre-nup :) agreement. The one thing I remember is that I could not reach behind me to put my bra on, and he helped faithfully for a few weeks until I could do it myself.

Thanks, hon - luv ya bunches
 
Ryan was in the hospital for two months most of it sick and with limited walking ability. The hospital staff was very nice but it was a military hospital and the staff was sometimes stretched or very young. As they had other patients and I am a bit of a type A, do-it-myself kind of person I did all the usual things plus make the bed, give baths, dump and wash the urinals, bring in every meal (we were graciously allowed to bring food in from the outside). My favorite was probably walking with him around the ward after OHS carrying his chest tube drainage containers. He had 4 tubes in so only two fit on the wheelchair. I definitely remind him of that every once in a while.

In addition, I was his patient advocate making sure he got the right meds and tests (they were wrong several times-human error) and also learned as much as I could online on this site and in medical journals about all his ailments so we were informed and could make decisions.

Of course I think I proved I was here to stay when before we even went in the hospital, he was very sick with endocarditis and had the night sweats. We would change the sheets twice a night which wasn't too bad until our dryer broke. So everyday I had to go to the laundromat in town to wash the bedding. It was over 100 degrees and the place had no air conditioning. I was so worn out by the time we got to the hospital I took my first nap while he was getting an MRI:)

Of course I would do it all again because I love him. However, I am waiting for a bit a revenge when I someday have a baby!
 
What did my RN spouse do for me? Let me count the ways.
1. She made me go to the hospital for major heartburn. Was immeidately admitted due to my gradually deteriroating valve. Turned out to be heartburn but echo and heartcath performed at that visit showed it was time for surgery. She then made all of the travel arrangements for the trip to Alabama for surgery.
2.She did not let on (until after the surgery) her major concerns about the surgery and what could possiblly happen.
3. She stayed with me all but one night instead of going to the hotel while I was in the hospital for AVR.
4. She made sure the nursing staff did their jobs. She got into an argument with a male nurse who gave me a hard time the one night she decided to sleep at the hotel. She proved him wrong the next day.
5. She probably saved my life 24 hours after we got home from the hospital. She was concerned about my breathing and the way I looked. She listened to my lungs and said we had to go the hosptial. Turned out I was in congetive heart failure due to excessive fluid. Stayed in the hosptial for 9 more days.
6. During that stay she arranged for the my kids, nieces and nephews to have their Easter egg hunt in the garden of the hospital and then brought me down to watch that Easter Sunday.
I could go on and on. I am truly blessed. :):):)

Karl
 
What didn't he do?
First, he and a friend fetched my car from the side of the tollway after my TIA.
Then he stayed by my side as much as possible in hospital, while running back and forth to take care of the dogs (we don't have a doggy door, they usually go to work with him), until he finally agreed to let our friends take them for the duration.
He yelled at doctors and nurses for me when an incompetent doctor made me sicker 3 times during my testing week.
He gave me lovenox shots when I was home for 3 days prior to surgery
He made medical treatment decisions for me when I went into v-tach the day after surgery, and stood up to the nazi nurse who didn't want him coming into ICU during non-visiting hours.
He fetched my panic-stricken sister from the airport, and left her alone with me for several hours, then brought her back and forth for 3 days.
He stayed home with me for 4 weeks after I came home, after spending 3 weeks in hospital, working from home.
He showered me, washed my hair, and dressed me for 5 weeks, because I wasn't permitted to move much, between the pacemaker and sternotomy.
He cooked, cleaned, did laundry, cared for the dogs, and got my medicines.
He brought me pain pills with milk in the middle of the night for weeks.
He walked me, and checked my pulse, drove me back and forth to the doctor, and to my office to fetch work when I was finally able to work from home.
He put up with my bitchiness (of course, that's been 28 years now).
He still loves me.
 
He had to see me immediately post-op ,at which time (I'm told) I didnt
look alive. His reaction outdid that of my mom and siblings;My mom says
he almost fell down.
He also did the usual, including sleeping in a chair for many nights;not easy
for someone with back problems.
And so many ,many things that I will never forget .

A Big Hug and Thank you to my Husband!!
 
My wife took me to the hospital.
She stayed in my room every night I was in the hospital (they had a couch that made into a bed)
Drove back home to care for the cats each day
Brought me outside food when I could not eat the hospital food.
Massaged my shoulders and back on many occasions to help with the pain.
Took care of me the first week I was home making and bringing all my food, pills and water to me.
Puts up with me to this day.
 
My hubby spent 16 days in hospital with me and drove back to our farm each night to check on things.
He used his 5 wks vacation post op and then continued to work from home for another 2 months.
He learned to cook, did laundry, vacuumed, shopped, picked up meds, learned to use the ATM, drove me to the doctors and ER, bathed me and washed my hair.
He got up every night for weeks to help me into the bathroom.
He listened to my whining, occasionally told me off, and reminded me when I had made progress.
When it was too cold to be outdoors, he bundled me, helped me into the pick up truck and drove me around the neighbourhood.
He takes me out for lunch on Sundays and cleans the cat litter box.....I guess I'll keep him!!
 
Too much to list but Chris made things so very much easier. 24/7 did everything I needed/wanted/requested and never once hesitated or made me feel like I was imposing on him.
 
Like Gina said too many things to list, but I most likely wouldn't be here today without her. I'm pretty lucky.
Rich
 
My hubby was still recovering and on crutches from foot surgery when I had my OHS. The silly bugga risked losing his drivers licence by speeding down the highway to the hospital when he got the phone-call that I had gone into Cardiac arrest and needed a second emergency surgery...I even made him cry...my hubby is one of those manly men who dont cry. For weeks after I got home he still did most of the housekeeping and I got dinner in bed every night.
 
When they said my husband could take his first shower after surgery the nurse suggested I just get in the shower with him and since I stayed in his room the whole eight days I had already used the shower anyway. So thats what I did. He sat in the shower chair and we showered together. Also, he was in bad need of an enema the fifth day after surgery and the nurses were so busy that I volunteered to do the suppository for them. I think he was grateful that I did it and not one of the young nurses.
 
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