late developing anxiety

[evelyn2]

I feel sort of crazy for expressing this, but would like to know if anyone else has experienced anything like this. It has been 2 years this past June since my surgery for an ascending aortic aneurysm and aortic valve replacement with a St. Jude valve. I had complications from the surgery, - acute renal failure, and had difficulty keeping my oxygen sats up. These problems kept me in the hospital extra days. Also, I was told the wires that they place during surgery to shock you afterwards if you need it, were snipped off leaving some of the wire still inside. The doc said it was okay. Even with all this, I recovered and went back to work as a nurse.
The problem is that I have had periods of extreme anxiety that come on me suddenly, where I am reduced to tears thinking about what happened to me (the actual thought of the surgery, etc.).
After reading some of other members experiences, I feel I should not be feeling sorry for myself. I did bring this up with the doctor, but no help there.
I am still taking Zoloft which was given to me after surgery.
I guess it just feels good to get this off my chest.

 

[Ross]

Eve what we went through is enough to set this stuff off from time to time. I really envy those that go through surgery text book style and never have one single complication. Unfortunately, not all of us have a surgery like that and boy does it ever linger in your mind. Some say we morn our own deaths, others think it's just traumatic stress. Doctors don't know how to help us. Try as they might, they have no friggin clue what we went through. No one should have to have a face off with death, but you and I dear, did.

 

[Bad Mad]

Evelyn

I would say what you are feeling is perfectly normal. One doesn't go through that type of a both physical and mental trauma and come away unscathed.
Before my first surgery and with an upcoming 2nd one, from time to time I felt/feel anxiety/panicky especially when in bed, when all is quiet and thoughts begin to run through your head.

What you must reassure yourself, is that, you are now a healthier person, with a much better outlook for life. Even though you mighn't think it, you are probably a source of inspiration to people around you, given what you have been through. Keep positive and take comfort in that what you are experiencing is perfectly normal

 

[halleyg]

Hi Evelyn,
I'm sorry you are going through this. I had a similar reaction after my first OHS, which was this year. I had a lot of anxiety and cried everyday for three months - not in tears all day, but there would just be some point each day where I would think of the surgery and tear up. I went to see a psychologist who told me I could have a mild case of post traumatic stress disorder. I am not a dr. but it sounds like this might be what you are experiencing. My first surgery was pretty traumatic to go through, even though I fortunately did not have any major complications. Don't beat yourself up over thinking you "shouldn't" be so affected by it. Let yourself go through it. My anxiety didn't last long before I found out I had to have another OHS less than 7 months after the first. It sounds crazy, but the second one was of course difficult but not as traumatic for different reasons... anyhow, I don't know if you are seeing a psychologist, but just being able to talk about your feelings might help with the anxiety a lot. I also have a prescription ativan (anti-anxiety med) which I take if I feel like I am going to have an anxiety attack. During these times I also find it helpful to do deep breathing and if possible, lay down. When it used to be really bad I would call my husband or mom just to talk it out. Good luck to you.

 

[MDS]

Evelyn,

This does not seem to be too unusual. There was a thread a few weeks ago that talked about this. My pulmonic and aortic valves were replaced in 2001 with bioprosthetic valves. The "post traumatic stress" lingers on for me as well. Reading and sharing in these forums has helped so much. Sometimes it is just good to know that you are not alone in the way you feel.

So you are normal... well, as normal as a nurse can be (I worked in a hospital for quite a few years).

It stinks that this challenge happened to you... to all of us. But it sure beats the alternative!

Mike

 

[Bina]

I agree that this is all part of "post traumatic stress".
Some people breeze through recovery without major problems, others don't.
Some people have nerves of steel, others don't.
We do what we can and try to move forward even though some days present more challenges than others.
Evelyn, hang in there.....maybe some relaxation therapy will help you.
Many of my friends rely on a really good therapeutic massage.

 

[briansmom]

I just want to agree with the above. this is a perfectly normal response to what you went through. While that may not fix this for you, at least you can be reassured that you are not "crazy". I also would recommend some sort of therapist, they can work wonders!

 

[blessed1416]

Evelyn,
First of all, don't think you are crazy!! Hopefully, with the number of posts, you will see that you are not alone. What would we do without this forum to vent our emotions?? I find it extremely difficult to talk to anyone about what I feel since my surgeries - I don't want to scare my family, and I don't want anyone to think I'm a "whiner." If I didn't read other posts, and see similarities and situations that I can relate to, I would feel very alone.
Recently, my pastor began a series of sermons on "Matters of the Heart." The scripture basis is Proverbs 27:19...As in water face reflects face, so the heart of man reflects man. He asked me to allow him to interview me in front of the congregation to relate the physical aspects of opening your heart to the spiritual connection. At first, I declined because I simply didn't think I could talk about such a personal experience in front of a large crowd without crying. However, after I prayed about it, the Lord laid it on my heart that he would give me the words to say if I would just trust Him. So, I did it and I am so thankful that I did- and God got me through it without too many tears! My pastor had only 3 questions: What led to the decision to have surgery, what was involved in the surgery itself, and how has my life changed since. His focus was on the fact that we have to look in our hearts to see our true self - that denying a higher power too long can harden a heart to the point that it makes it difficult to change. Since then, I've had many people ask me other questions and it has really been good for me to talk to others - God must have known I needed this to really examine my heart!! Anyway, please know that you are not alone in this and that you can talk about your feelings and others will listen!! Hang in there!

 

[scrappy47]

Keep your chin up

Keep your chin up

I am just 5 months post op for the second time and read your story. It's comforting to see all the people who have chimed in. My hair is falling out in clumps still and I think everyone's experience,physical or psychological, with the shock of such procedures- can be different. I think we have to be so strong as we go thru it all that we fall apart later and it's just part of being human. I wish you less anxiety and lots of healing and happiness.

 

[psalmist]

anxiety

anxiety

I can't define just how deep this thing goes. The actual thing itself wasn't that bad. Actually it seems so lop sided. The pshycological effects seem alot more impacting than the surgery. I am 2 weeks post surgery. My experience was a good one. I just watched a heart transplant surgery on NOVA and can't believe what all they do and what they did to me. Ignorance is bliss. But that ain't it. Its the whole I had to have it done so I have been touched in a deep way. Dreams really set off my feelings. I have a found that talking to others who have been through it really helps alot. The great thing about it all is that I am hear to talk about it. WOO HOO! "Blessed" I really enjoyed your post. I am struggling "spiritually" with it a little. Feel free to PM me if you would like. Seth

 

[tantenay]

Post traumatic stress disorder

Post traumatic stress disorder

I think you may have post traumatic stress disorder. A therapist may be able to help you with this. I started having it when my heart problems started. I have been on anti depressants since my surgery in 2000 and I am doing well, but I did have some therapy and hypnosis, too. Good luck!