My Dad has sleep apnea HELP

[jojofromct]

Christina, thanks for the advice, I will bring it up to my dad. The DME people came and got the other machine, he has nothing right now. The other night he pulled a muscle and was in the ER and I said to him DAD I AM AFRAID YOUR GOING TO PASS IN YOUR SLEEP. ( i cant believe i said that but i did) He said to me JOANNE I HAVE LIVED THIS WAY MY WHOLE LIFE. I left it like that, I need to respect him.

Last night he had this ECHO. The heart doc is going on vacation starting this SUNDAY...so we might not hear anything for awhile. My question is, if its REAL BAD would they contact him today? We all want peace of mind ya know? Its the waiting that is scary...

Love Joanne

 

[Christina L]

Joanne -

Joanne -

to die in his sleep is the BEST thing that could happen as opposed to having a stroke that will leave him incapacitated or to have a heart attack that will reduce his quality of life during his waking hours! Sleep apnea is a major cause of strokes and heart attacks.

I can tell your dad is thinking that it would be just fine if he were to die in his sleep - I think that way, too, but there are other consequences of not treating sleep apnea and I am not trying to scare you, just warn you.

Please talk to the sleep study people about trying different face masks for your dad - I don't know why they didn't do that before they took the machine away. I truly think he could tolerate the nasal pillows - you can hardly feel them and he will sleep so good and will be so rested the next day. He will be a different man if he uses a CPAP - I guarantee it - as it sounds as if his apnea is moderate to severe.

Good luck and best wishes for a good echo report. If you have any other questions, send me a PM and I will send you my private E-mail address. I am not on the board every day - just lately have been checking in again.

Christina L

 

[Susan BAV]

...The other night he pulled a muscle and was in the ER and I said to him DAD I AM AFRAID YOUR GOING TO PASS IN YOUR SLEEP. ( i cant believe i said that but i did) He said to me JOANNE I HAVE LIVED THIS WAY MY WHOLE LIFE. I left it like that, I need to respect him...

Joanne, I painfully feel for your situation. Could you ask him, "Dad, if you were in my shoes, if you were in this situation, what would you say to your dad whom you love dearly?"

Some of my [extended] family don't say the loving things that they feel, to the ones they love, out of fear. I can't tell you what they fear. Lots of things. But I've done it too. I thought I was respecting my dad's dignity when he was dying by going along with his great deception, the deception that he was going to survive a terminal illness that no one could survive. I knew his disease was terminal but I told myself that I didn't want to burst his hopeful bubble. And then, in the end, when I was pretending to be brave because he was being brave--and he might have been pretending also--I didn't have time to say what I wanted to. I regret that terribly.

 

[tcopel]

I've known a couple of people who simply could or would not tolerate the CPAP. They've opted to have a surgical procedure in which the posterior palate is partially removed. One of them felt that it was somewhat helpful and the other did not obtain any benefit in a follow up sleep study. I wonder if it would be helpful to seek an opinion from a qualified ENT doc to ascertain if it would an beneficial option or not. If your father is a large fellow, weight loss may also be a very helpful avenue of treatment as it reduces the soft tissues that obstruct the tracheal region.
I hope it works out for you and your family. If he would just keep working with the CPAP, he may get used to it but you cant do it for him.

 

[Christina L]

Susan -

Susan -

I can relate to your story. We all did the same thing with my Mom when she died of breast cancer six years ago. However, she was not hopeful - she knew she was dying but it was NEVER spoken about and no, we did not get important things said, but there again, I know I will see her again and we will have all eternity to say things to one another. But I know what you are saying - it was very difficult to have this elephant in the room and not acknowledge it.

As for sleep apnea and surgery, I read (past tense) up a lot on surgeries of the nose and throat for sleep apnea. I do think it works a lot of the time. I have a septal deviation and allergies, plus a receding jaw. I also gained about 15 pounds post surgery and a lot of it is fatty tissue in my throat.

I, however, am unsure if it is my mildly stenosed repaired mitral valve that has caused the mild sleep apnea or all these other factors combined (including being in perimenopause).

Sleep apnea is more common than you know as a person ages, gains weight and as a woman loses estrogen. When I suspected I had SA, the cardio nurse said oh no, you don't fit the profile - it is mostly big burly men with thick necks who have SA. I have come to find out that the biggest percentage of those with sleep apnea are overweight men, but there are a lot with SA who do not fit that profile at all.

I believe my Dad had sleep apnea. He had a small jaw and a lot of fat under his chin and a belly. He did not have valve disease. He died of a heart attack at age 63.

You cannot make your dad, Joanne, wear a CPAP. All you can do is present the facts and see if he will try the nasal pillows. If he won't wear a CPAP, I highly doubt he would have invasive surgery. I should have surgery on my nose - a great chance to have my nose bobbed for free - hee - but I just hate the thought of doing it - I'm being lazy. It's much easier to put the CPAP on every night. I also am trying to lose weight and trying not to eat right before bed, those types of things. If the sleep apnea is from my stenosed valve, then none of these things will work for the SA anyway.

P.S. There is a guy at work who has been told he has sleep apnea and needs to wear oxygen at night also - he desaturated way down into the 70s at night - we live at 7500 feet here in the Colorado mountains. He will not do it - he is trying to lose weight right now - he is a compulsive eater (his admittance) but he is exercising and has lost at least 15 pounds so far - he's a big guy - anyway he will NOT wear a CPAP or the oxygen. I have tried to explain to him the dangers of not doing this. He chooses not to wear a CPAP, so be it. His life.

Oh the joys of getting older! Again, good luck with your father, Joanne. Hope he will try the nasal pillows.

Christina L