Has your job/work changed you?

[Guest]

When I was younger, I was an introvert. I had very few friends ... and didn't feel well liked, if even liked at all. Within the last few years, however, that has changed ... dramatically. I am now an extrovert.

Yet, my current job (call center rep for an annuity contact center) is changing me back to an introvert. Most of the callers are unhappy about one thing or another (understandably, of course) ... and that grates on my nerves so much so that I have yet to go to a local cruise night this year. It doesn't help that I'm "tied to the desk" 24/7 while I'm at work. I get home and don't want to do anything; haven't even had the older 4 MCs out much this year. I cringe if my phone rings, no matter who it is. Over the weekends, it is a bit better, but I'm so drained (physically and emotionally) from the week that barely anything gets done.

Yes, I am searching for a new job ... but even that search drains more energy (not to mention time) ... and its starting to really get to me.

Heh ... I'm in my 30s and just don't seem to have found my niche yet ... something that "society" seems to "frown" upon.... Even more, sometimes, I don't feel I belong anywhere. A friend was telling me about his 22-year-old cousin who recently settled down and started a family; I'm almost 11 years older than him ... and haven't even had the opportunity (if you know what I mean) to have kids.

Hmmm...that October road trip out west is looking very very very good right about now. Then again, I'd need to reverse the current trend of going back to being an introvert .

Sooo...how about you? Has your career path changed you?



Cort, "Mr MC" / "Mr Road Trip", 32swm/pig valve/pacemaker
MC:family.IL.guide.future = http://www.chevyasylum.com/cort/
"Beginning to think that I'm wasting time" ... Dobie Gray ... 'Drift Away'

 

[Yaps]

Cort, I no longer work, so I cant say.
But I do empathise, I had to be extovert for my old job(restuarant manager),but deep down Im just quiet..a listener.
Just wanted to say I hear you and understand..love Yaps

 

[Ross]

When I did work, it was a salaried position, so I worked all the time. Had no time for friends, family, a hot cup of coffee or to be able to go to the bathroom on a schedule. Yes it does change you and mentally screw with you. I never realized just how brainwashed I was until I was laying in the CCF ICU complaining that I needed to go back to work. All it took was for me to get out of bed for the first time to let me know that I wasn't ready for anything let alone work.

I wouldn't be so hard on yourself about being 30 and not finding your niche. Those that think they have, have faced uprooting, loss of jobs, family and many other undesired things. It's not at all like the "good old days" when job stability and security was part of everyones lives. I think you simply feel frowned upon my friend. I don't think many are actually doing it. Another thing, there is no such thing as settling down and raising a family. That is simply a switch into the fast lane, where things get out of control even faster then you can imagine, but is hidden under the illusion that you've settled down. It's false. It appears that your striving for your family, but in reality, your simply trying to survive like everyone else only now, you have all these extra problems to deal with besides your own. Your not directing anything. Life is directing you!

I know it hurts you deep down to not have a family started yet. I wish I knew what the problem was in that regard, but on the same token, the grass isn't necessarily greener on this side either. Your part of lifes plan and being that, I'm sure things will work out for you in the near future. You may not see it right now, but just the short visit I had with you tells me that there is someone out there looking for a person just like you. Your either going to travel to this person or they are just going walk into your life one day. Wait and see.

 

[Guest]

Just wanted to say I hear you and understand..

*nods*

Thank you, Yaps .



And, Ross ... thank you for your thoughts/comments. Those of us who do work spend most of our lives there ... yet, aren't always happy. Always seemed to be a strange twist of fate to me. And, now that I really am im a job I despise, that twist of fate keeps stabbing me in the back .

As for the family ... appreciate your perspective on all accounts ... always good to hear/read a new viewpoint of things. Your words are deeply appreciated, perhaps more than you know. Thank you.

 

[geebee]

Cort,

I was in the corporate world for many years and had many "accomplishments" from a business standpoint. With one company (a "good old boy" southern based manufacturer), I held the highest position a woman had ever had at the company - West Coast Director of Operations. My last position in the corporate world was as an operations manager for Amercian Express in Los Angeles. I "woke" up one day at Amex and realized I was tired of watching everyone else work and sitting in meetings all day. The money was good but I wasn't "doing" anything.

When I moved back to Ohio, I made a decision to take a huge paycut and go back into accounting (work not management). I now work for 2 companies part-time and love it. However, income is a struggle sometimes.

I don't think the majority of the people in this world actually LOVE what they do. We fall into things as we go through life and end up with careers we did not grow up "wanting to be". I wanted to be an astronaut but God had other plans for me as the health issue got in the way. Who knows, maybe I would have been on the Challenger if I had followed my childhood dream.

I think the important thing is to remember that work only captures us a few hours a day. Even on the toughest days, I tried to hold onto the concept that "this too shall pass". It isn't always easy to get up each morning when you hate what you do.

I guess the point I am trying to make is that even the people who seem to have it all together and are high on the corporate ladders (as I was) are not necessarily any happier than you are. Making more money does not mean more happiness. My biggest goal right now is downsizing so I can fit my lifestyle with my income. I will let you know if it works.

Try to work through your job by having the goal of ending each phone call with the caller smiling. If you concentrate on that, it might make things fun.

Take care and keep smiling as I know you can.

 

[pipersmith]

Glass half full...

Glass half full...

I know it is a bit of a cliche - but it has some truth as well. I have shared many of your feelings many times in my life. I do have a family, and although I always knew that I wanted a family - I fell into it a bit. It can be equally as overwhelming and will not quiet that voice inside that says - what am I supposed to do?
My advice is to take this time, before you start your family, and get to know yourself. Take some classes, do some more traveling, write... I am just finishing my degree this year, at 33, with 4 kids at home. The journey to the degree helped me to address some of the feelings that you mention. That may not be your answer, but the "glass half full" view is that you have the perfect opportunity to try it, or something else. Find something that you are passionate about - and find a way to incorporate that into your career. From the small window into your life here - you seem to love meeting /visiting, writing/ reporting, traveling - look into a career involving these things. Write a book about your travels, even if it is just for you - take a writing class. Along that introspective journey you just may find your niche - at the least, you will discover some passions to imcorporate into your work life - and personal life. Every challenge holds an opportunity.
The birth of my first daughter showed me that I had to work in health care. Several attempts at finishing school failed - because I could not financially or emotionally do family and school. A cleverly timed advertisement pointed me in the direction of online classes. I started school holding my newborn on my lap while I typed - now she is 3 and I will graduate this year. I had to change from nursing to health care administration in order to complete my degree online - but I have loved the journey. Now as I am about to complete that journey - I have been placed on a different path - with a heart condition. However, I have met some incredible people, and have realized all of the love and support that surrounds me in my life. I have decided to treat the entire experience as a job interview - every nice person that I meet in the hospital I try to interact with - and tell them I want to work there.... See if I don't have a job there by the time my surgery is done .

There is no such thing as a problem without a gift in its hands. We seek problems because we need their gifts. (Richard Bach)

I still often have that feeling - what am I doing - why am I here? I think that it is meant to keep us learning and searching - finding new answers. I do not know if you are a religious/ spiritual person; I have found some peace there as well.

keep looking for answers - you will find them. Good luck - take it easy on yourself

 

[Cooker]

Cort,

I wish you luck in your search for a new job. Life is to short. I worked as an electrical engineer untill God shined on me and included me in a major RIF. I had about two years before I had to work again but found myself in automotive sales on a whim. I have always known that I was full of .... and thus destined for this path The point is I love it. It has been very good to me with the exception of the years I was a GM. I moved myself back to sales two years ago and have never been happier.

I try to speak softer now, help where I can and please everyone I can but NEVER at the expense of my happiness. I stay on a natural high (honest ). I get the same rush selling a car as I did when I sold my first cup of koolAid from my road side stand.

I still stop and buy a cup at any stand I come to. What a pleasure to see the look on their face when you hand them a five and walk away.

I wish you the best my friend.

Tom

 

[Dennis S]

A small point:

A small point:

I once had a law partner who was an active AA member. They had a lot of wise, and often succint statements. One of my favorites was the caution against "Comparing your insides to the other guy's outsides". We are prone to do this, and when we do, we almost always come out second best.

Cort: Some day soon I want to send in some road (as in possible road trip) pictures.

 

[dj/utvolsfan]

Cort,
Hang in there. You are still very much a young man. I don't think it is ever too late to change career paths and what you are doing is great.....taking the time to stop and reflect 'is this what` i want to do the rest of my life'? Too many people stay in jobs all their lives that never really bring them much joy. I think that would be tragic. I love teaching.....I love changing lives....I love being that one that students - both regular ed and my special ed kids - come to for encouragement and hugs. What I don't like is how so many of my students have been beaten down for so long and a year with them isn't enough. That is hard to keep in the classroom and not bring home with me. Anyway, what I am trying to say is there are both good and bad to every job. I was the shyest thing ever growing up....painfully so and teaching completely changed me. You will find your niche'. You will find your woman. So many times, it is when we aren't looking that love finds us. Be patient, although I know at times that is very hard thing to do. Trust me! Another thing, Cort, your biological clock doesn't tick nearly as fast as ours! Youhave plenty of time to be a daddy and have that family.
Best to you,
Debbi
PS Between you and me What I really wish I could have gotten into and I know it sounds so silly, but I would love to have been a trainer for a college football team.....such as the Marshall Thundering Herd or the Univ of Tenn Volunteers ...believe it or not ....not so much to be around all that testesterone (althought that would be a definite perk )...but just to be down there where all the action is....and once again to be there to help. Follow your dreams! You're never too old to make changes!

 

[Lynlw]

Cort this is just a thought i had, maybe a good one, maybe not, but thought i'd toss it out there. Have you ever considerred working on a cardiac floor of a children's hospital? Most older 'kids' i know that spent alot of time in hospitals either would love working in the field or want as far away as possible. I think you'd be wonderful, you get along well with the kids and you know what it is like, plus it is always great for the older (like 11,12 up) to have some guys to talk to help w/ more personal things, and I'm sure the parents would love to meet you and as you inspired them it would have to make you feel good and as an added bonus, there are so many females working in hospitals
I know some jobs take a few years education, but others have a shorter training time, you could start there and have them pay for your school if you wanted to go back to college.and the insurance hospitals have is usually pretty good. I know it isn't alot of travelling, but who knows if you met the mrs cort there you might be happy just to stay home

 

[Guest]

First and foremost ... thank you all. I cannot begin to respond to everyone or everything ... but, even if I don't respond directly, please know that your words are very much appreciated.

Try to work through your job by having the goal of ending each phone call with the caller smiling. If you concentrate on that, it might make things fun.

Actually, it does. I do strive to do this. Sadly, it doesn't always work (depends upon the degree of unhappiness of the individual caller), but most times it seems to help, at any rate.....

And thanks for sharing your story and insights ... puts a whole new perspective on some things for me ... thank you.

I do not know if you are a religious/ spiritual person; I have found some peace there as well.

As have I. Except, my church home has recently closed. The plan is to reopen as a "new church", but it won't be the same, especially since that is the church where my grandfather (the one who died last December) held his last pastorate.

And, as with Gina, very glad you shared your thoughts and views. Definitely a help in trying a new perspective .

I had about two years before I had to work again but found myself in automotive sales on a whim.

*raises eyebrow*

On a whim? Wow ... sweet! People keep telling me I'd be good at it, too, but I don't know ... not sure I could stand working on commissions.....

One of my favorites was the caution against "Comparing your insides to the other guy's outsides". We are prone to do this, and when we do, we almost always come out second best.

Amen. I'm guilty of this ... as I know others are as well.

Cort: Some day soon I want to send in some road (as in possible road trip) pictures.

*grins*

Sounds good to me . But I'm not biased ... he he he.

Another thing, Cort, your biological clock doesn't tick nearly as fast as ours! Youhave plenty of time to be a daddy and have that family.

LOL! I don't know ... it is tickin' pretty loudly since my sis and her hubby are thinking of having kids. My sis, btw, is 6 years younger than me.....

And, for the record, Debbi, being a trainer for a team doesn't sound silly at all to me ... you should DO it...!!!

I know it isn't alot of travelling, but who knows if you met the mrs cort there you might be happy just to stay home

*chuckles*

Me be happy to stay home? I doubt that'll ever happen, Lyn . Even if I were to find Mrs Cort somewhere ... staying home is NOT in my genes.... .

Thanks for the idea about being on the cardiac floor. I'm not sure what all types of jobs would be available for that (I don't want to be a nurse, etc.) .... but that does sound interesting.... And, yeah, I think I'd be good at it.

Besides, I know I've experienced seeing a lot of cute nurses in the hospitals....

*grins devilishly*

 

[MelissaM]

A few quotes that have inspired me along the way:

"If it's going to be, it's up to me"

"A man never found his path by standing still. He has to go out, wander, probe, fail miserably, go back to the start, and, then, maybe, he will find his right path."

"Until one is fully committed, there is always hesitancy, a chance to draw back. Once one fully commits, heaven and earth will move to make it happen."

"Whatever I need to accomplish my goals is already present in one way or another."

"unknowns, no matter how unsettling, cannot by their very nature be known"

"If there were no one to watch them drive by, how many people would drive a Mercedes?"

"Prayer followed by meditation informs us of action to take. If no answer comes, we can trust now is not the time for action."

"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through the experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved." - Helen Keller

"Action is the antidote to dispair"

Melissa

p.s. All of that feeling worn down can be the mask of depression. Check it out.

 

[Gnusgal]

Thanks for the idea about being on the cardiac floor. I'm not sure what all types of jobs would be available for that (I don't want to be a nurse, etc.) .... but that does sound interesting.... And, yeah, I think I'd be good at it.

Besides, I know I've experienced seeing a lot of cute nurses in the hospitals....

*grins devilishly*

At one time I had thought about working in a children's hospital as a Child Life Specialist. They are the ones who help children understand what is happening to them, deal with the psychological stuff, etc. The only reason I didn't do it is because there aren't a lot of positions open in my area, and you have to do an internship prior to becoming certified. Being the only income in our two person family, I decided it wouldn't be a good choice for us. But Cort, you might be able to look into it. To me, it seemed like the perfect job for those of us who have grown up in hospitals. We can relate to the kids so much more than someone who hasn't ever been the patient.

To find out more about the profession check out http://www.childlife.org/. It tells about all the necissary requirements to become certified and what the job entails.

Okay, so there's your work related advice... Now for some relationship related advice. Several people have told you that you still have time, and not to feel so pressured about not having a family yet. I know that's hard to do. However, I want to tell you about my college roommate's new husband... He's 36 and as far as I know had not had any long term relationships prior to meeting my friend (and I know he had no relationships that became physical, if you know what I mean). They met through eharmony.com (I'm not saying you should sign up, just telling you about their situation) and completely clicked in a short amount of time. Because they finally met the right person. They both had strong spiritual beliefs and quickly became each other's support system. After knowing each other only a couple of months, they decided to get engaged. Less than a year after meeting, they are now happily married. That isn't to say that their relationship is "perfect" just that they are happy.

I know that both my friend and her husband had each had feelings like you are experiencing. As a matter of fact, my friend had decided she just wouldn't be getting married ever and had given up hope of meeting anyone she could spend her life with. She only signed up with eharmony to get people off her back.

The right person is out there somewhere. You just haven't met her yet. But something I've learned is that you can't go into every situation trying to find "Mrs. Cort." Just be yourself, enjoy life, and take what comes. I certainly didn't expect to find my husband when I did. I was actually interested in someone else at the time. Life likes to toy with us and when we accept that we open the doors to possibilities. I hope you can find happiness, Cort. Happiness does not have to equal relationship, but if it does, I hope you find the right one.

You know I love ya!

 

[ILoVeNY25]

Just gonna throw something out there, I myself have looked into it but am still pondering. If the medical field interests you- Ultrasound Diagnostic technician- They make very good money, schooling is not that long, you can work at a private office or hospital so the hours are very flexible (if you find the place that fits you) and you could work in the cardiac field without being a nurse or dr. I think of all the echos I've had and there are those technicians that stick out in my mind that were nice, pleasant, understanding, etc.
I love working in the medical field (currently working as a physical therapy aide/asst.), because I can relate to people in that VR.com way just knowing what it's like to be the patient. I work with a lot of people who've had vr, and other cardiac issues (they always become my favorites). I find it very rewarding and fulfilling but everyone who comes to physical therapy is in pain or uncomfortable in some way, and sometimes it's hard to seperate those negative feelings that I'm hearing all day but I do the best I can, just wish getting your dream job was easy, If I could have really been anything I would be the NHL's 1st woman referee!

 

[Kate]

I'd say that work has helped me to better understand how complicated life is. Most of what I've done has involved some sort of support for less advantaged people - I've worked with the poor, elderly, retarded and mentally ill at various points in my career. I've always wanted to make things better and, in every case, I succeeded some, but nearly as often, made things worse. No matter how hard you try, how smart you are, how giving you try to be - sometimes things go well, sometimes they don't and mostly they do both at the same tim. This is discouraging, but it's also a relief because it takes some of the pressure off. It's a cliche, but truly, no one's perfect and sometimes that is such a relief. I don't know how helpful this is, but thanks for asking the question. Kate

 

[debster913]

Hey, Cort--
Interesting thread! I just started back at work since my surgery, and I find that my surgery has changed my job, if that makes any sense. But before I go into that, my BF Kelly has been struggling with herself lately. She is in her early 30s like us, and has not found her niche. After moving to Arkansas with her parents 11 years ago, she found herself desperate and bored, so she packed up everything and moved back here to the LA area. After several crappy jobs, she finally found one she enjoyed (or so she thought). The pay was good, but the job bored her. Now, sad and overweight, she wants to move back to Ark. but that means living with her mother, with whom she absolutely DOES NOT get along. There is also some envy on her part, as her brother who is two years younger than her got married at 18 and now has two children, a wife, and a stable home and financial future. Like Kelly, he never went to college, but Kelly has never had a stable job or relationship, and that makes her feel like a failure. But, just because one hasn't felt a "place" in the working world, or even romantically, it doesn't count that person as a failure. There are plenty of people who seem to "have it all" and are severely unhappy. I know from experience that in our 30s, we are "expected" to know exactly what we want from life and go out and get it. Sometimes I've gone through that crisis of "what the heck am I doing?!" and had to take a step back and figure it out. I know you're a spiritual person, but have you read "The Purpose-Driven Life"? When I was having my own doubts, I read it and it seemed to help me see what God has in store for me. But don't worry--you'll find your own niche and be the hapier for it.

But for me... as a high school English teacher, I do have to be strong, assertive, and extroverted. This is very much unlike me. I was painfully shy growing up and had few friends. I was ashamed to have a weak right side (this is from hypoxia during my birth as I had a heart attack during delivery). People wonder why I decided to become a teacher if I had trouble standing up for myself, but I've always loved teaching. I used to help my mom at her school where she was a secretary and help out some of the teachers during summer school. My mom, and the teachers, always said I'd make a great teacher someday. I suppose because of my own struggles growing up, I can empathize with my students who face their own. Becoming a teacher taught me to be a stronger person. I have to be in control of my class; if I don't, the kids don't learn, and I get frustrated and stressed. I learned that the hard way my first year. And sometimes still, there are those students and those classes that really try you.

I didn't feel mentally ready to begin the school year last week, although physically I was more than well enough. In that regard, it has been a difficult transition, but then I see the kids whom I taught last year who've given me hugs and given me best wishes (and whose last sight of me was being loaded into an ambulance), and I remember why I fought so hard to come back. I like what I do, even though it isn't always easy, and there's a bunch of politics at work (but what job doesn't??), and I have to be the best teacher I can be with the kids assigned to me. My reputation over the years has become, "Hard, but easy; mean but nice." A paradox of sorts, but it reflects me. We'll see as the year progresses how things go, but I really do need to "shut up" and go figure out what I'm teaching next week.

Debi (debster913)

 

[Guest]

*raises eyebrow*

Wow ... some more great replies. Can't possibly answer each one in full directly, so I'll first say "thank you" again for your posts/thoughts/experiences. And, second, try to reply a bit.....


Melissa,

Love those motivating quotes . He he he....I'm big on quotes .



Niki,

He he...and ya know I love ya, too, darlin' . I checked out the website for the CLS and quickly determined that I'd need more schooling ... something I'm not ready for right now. I can't _imagine_ going back to school. I remember when I graduated 10 years ago, I was sssoo glad to be done ... I hate homework and I hate tests. (No offense, of course ). But, we'll see ... ya never know..... I'll still look into it a bit more in depth ... and see what happens.

*blushes*

Actually, I'm on eHarmony ... and have yet to be paired with anyone that I've met from there yet. I've met more females from my road trips . Course, none single ... he he he ... irony rocks .

Just gonna throw something out there, I myself have looked into it but am still pondering. If the medical field interests you- Ultrasound Diagnostic technician- They make very good money, schooling is not that long, you can work at a private office or hospital so the hours are very flexible (if you find the place that fits you) and you could work in the cardiac field without being a nurse or dr. I think of all the echos I've had and there are those technicians that stick out in my mind that were nice, pleasant, understanding, etc.

Funny you mention this ... I've been wondering about something like this myself. I know I'd be good at it ... at least, judging from the techs that have done mine over the years. Hmmm....

You're in physical therapy, eh? One of my sister's friends just got a new job as a therapist with a company that works with high school and semi-professional teams in the Peoria IL area. So far, she loves it.

As for being an NHL referee ... why not?

I don't know how helpful this is, but thanks for asking the question.

*nods*

You are welcome ... and, I'd say your post was quite helpful, actually....thank you .



And, Debi ... your friend Kelly's experience is somewhat like mine, tho, not completely.

I do admit to feeling like a failure, at times. Seeing my sister and her husband ... as well as most of my friends ... building lives while I'm just kinda "out here", is a bit frustrating and discouraging. But, several people have told me recently that they envy me ... which kinda makes me feel good and sad, all at the same time .

And, of course, good luck with your school year. Sometimes, I wonder what kind of a teacher I'd be.....

 

[Gnusgal]

Niki,

He he...and ya know I love ya, too, darlin' . I checked out the website for the CLS and quickly determined that I'd need more schooling ... something I'm not ready for right now. I can't _imagine_ going back to school. I remember when I graduated 10 years ago, I was sssoo glad to be done ... I hate homework and I hate tests. (No offense, of course ). But, we'll see ... ya never know..... I'll still look into it a bit more in depth ... and see what happens.

Even if you're not ready to do more schooling, you could always look into other options in a hospital... IF it's what you want to do. Or just volunteer for awhile and see how it "fits" so to speak.

Actually, I'm on eHarmony ... and have yet to be paired with anyone that I've met from there yet. I've met more females from my road trips . Course, none single ... he he he ... irony rocks .

My point wasn't the eHarmony, it was that age does not determine when you'll meet that special someone. And there's no telling how you'll meet her. And just because you haven't met someone by a certain age, that doesn't mean it's not still a possibility.

 

[Christine]

Hey Cort, what can I say that hasn't been said before. it'll happen when it happens... we've both vented over similar situations.. ok, i'm a tad older than you, but single again and somewhat looking.. i'm on eHarmony, but haven't paid yet, haven't produced too many results for me to pay that kind of money.. but i'm also on the home stretch of school so I really don't have the time for a serious relationship... but I certainly understand how you feel... right there with ya... job wise.. well I used to be an introvert.. then working with customers' via phone and email, doing collections and conference calls, going to more meetings than I care to right now, i've flipped and now more of an extrovert.. you know i have no problem voicing my opinions.. .

Have you ever read "what's the color of my parachute?" (I think that's what's called.. or something similar) it supposedly helps you figure out what your career path can be according to your likes/dislikes.. yes, I know your dream job, but realistically it may help you discover another arena to earn a living and be happy doing it.

Peace,
Chris

 

[Guest]

Even if you're not ready to do more schooling, you could always look into other options in a hospital... IF it's what you want to do. Or just volunteer for awhile and see how it "fits" so to speak.

*nods*

Yep ... been considering this .

My point wasn't the eHarmony, it was that age does not determine when you'll meet that special someone. And there's no telling how you'll meet her. And just because you haven't met someone by a certain age, that doesn't mean it's not still a possibility.

I understand ... no worries ... and, thank you .

Have you ever read "what's the color of my parachute?" (I think that's what's called.. or something similar) it supposedly helps you figure out what your career path can be according to your likes/dislikes.. yes, I know your dream job, but realistically it may help you discover another arena to earn a living and be happy doing it.

Hmmm....never even heard of that book. May have to look into obtaining a copy. I took a "Career Assessment" course at the local community college a few months ago ... which actually broadened the possibilities for me instead of narrowing them down as I had hoped .