How has surgery had an impact on family members

[carolinemc]

My situation is a little weird because I got heart failure from my (previously unknown) mitral stenosis when I got pregnant with twins. Less than 24 hours from being sent from urgent care to the hospital for an echo, finding out I had this thing, being admitted to the cardiac unit, then transported to a different hospital for a c section. My husband was deeply shaken by it. As they were wheeling me into the OR someone said “don’t you want to say GOODBYE to your wife?” Then when he was in the waiting room he overheard people discussing my case and giving me a 50% chance of survival. He was on the phone with my sister at the time and he screamed. He is normally very even keeled and stoic. After I did in fact live he had me and the twins to monitor and threw himself into communicating with all the doctors and informing everyone who would listen that I was fully insured. When I went for the repair a few weeks later he only had to wait a few hours as it was a balloon. For that one my cardiologist came out and told him “well that went about as bad as it could have without killing her.” Dunno what he was thinking cause I’m fine. But yeah lots of stress for him, but not long term. He does what needs to be done and now has additional experience from helping his parents with medical issues.

Congrats to your husband for times like that is a learning for all persons involved. He took the time to learn from doctors and from reliable sources. It is scary when facing health issues for the first time, but this has helped him understand and know what to expect for his parents as well as for you. Congrats to you and your husband with the twins and you for making it.

 

[dornole]

Congrats to your husband for times like that is a learning for all persons involved. He took the time to learn from doctors and from reliable sources. It is scary when facing health issues for the first time, but this has helped him understand and know what to expect for his parents as well as for you. Congrats to you and your husband with the twins and you for making it.

Thank you Caroline, we’re very grateful we did! Interestingly too, our nanny Jenny, who we hired to work alongside me and hubs for a couple years to take care of the twins and our 3 older kids, ended up having some complications with her first pregnancy. She said she felt much more confident and able to handle that because of her experience with the twins’ medical needs. It’s not something you know how to do automatically.

 

[chebag]

My family has had its share of bizarre medical emergencies (my sister has had bacterial meningitis and a UTI that progressed to sepsis, and my father had mysterious pancreatitis that turned into a massive necrotic cyst and three or four month long hospital say), so everyone was very supportive and eager to help. My mother wanted to fly down for my AVR secondary to endocarditis, even though my 84 year-old father was sick at the same time and they were in the process of moving. I had to talk her out of it! My sister came down and was very business-like and supportive, asking the doctor all the right questions.

The woman I was dating at the time did not take it well, however. She was very supportive, trying to ask the doctor all the right questions, and it began to wear on her to the point that she had panic attacks, resentment that she had to help me around, etc. I had to basically be her therapist post-surgery while I was in the ICU. And then she started to become afraid she had heart issues, seeing doctors serially, concerned that she had heart failure, kidney failure, etc., lashing out if I suggested she trust her doctors. It was a bad scene, and I'm not sure I handled it well on my end. I became exasperated with what I perceived to be hypochondria triggered by my own illness - hypochondria I was trying to avoid by being grateful to be alive, grateful for my life. She was so anxious she started to develop chronic heartburn, curtailed her diet till she was basically eating rice, eggs, and pasta, stopped taking her meds. I wish in retrospect that I had been more patient, but I was less than a year out from my own surgery and dealing with the fallout from that. I was, after all, the one who had mysteriously contracted endocarditis and had AVR, not her.

Loved ones really can take on what you're going through if they're not careful or if they're taking your surgery particularly hard. Important to be delicate and empathetic in these situations, but also to be honest.

 

[Survived03]

My family has had its share of bizarre medical emergencies (my sister has had bacterial meningitis and a UTI that progressed to sepsis, and my father had mysterious pancreatitis that turned into a massive necrotic cyst and three or four month long hospital say), so everyone was very supportive and eager to help. My mother wanted to fly down for my AVR secondary to endocarditis, even though my 84 year-old father was sick at the same time and they were in the process of moving. I had to talk her out of it! My sister came down and was very business-like and supportive, asking the doctor all the right questions.

The woman I was dating at the time did not take it well, however. She was very supportive, trying to ask the doctor all the right questions, and it began to wear on her to the point that she had panic attacks, resentment that she had to help me around, etc. I had to basically be her therapist post-surgery while I was in the ICU. And then she started to become afraid she had heart issues, seeing doctors serially, concerned that she had heart failure, kidney failure, etc., lashing out if I suggested she trust her doctors. It was a bad scene, and I'm not sure I handled it well on my end. I became exasperated with what I perceived to be hypochondria triggered by my own illness - hypochondria I was trying to avoid by being grateful to be alive, grateful for my life. She was so anxious she started to develop chronic heartburn, curtailed her diet till she was basically eating rice, eggs, and pasta, stopped taking her meds. I wish in retrospect that I had been more patient, but I was less than a year out from my own surgery and dealing with the fallout from that. I was, after all, the one who had mysteriously contracted endocarditis and had AVR, not her.

Loved ones really can take on what you're going through if they're not careful or if they're taking your surgery particularly hard. Important to be delicate and empathetic in these situations, but also to be honest.

Exactly! If anything positive came out of my round one it was that my family is much more in-tune with their bodies and not discouraged from seeing medical help when suspicious. If I hadn't followed up on some very minor symptoms prior to aneurysm surgery I would not be on this planet right now. Thank you for sharing.