feeling guilty, or something like that.....

[ruthienc1]

I've written about this a bit before, but hope you folks can give some comfort and info-or whatever - to me. My brother and I both have recently had AVRs , me on 5-15 and he on 6-4, and he just continues to do poorly. Last night he was admitted to the ER and is now in the ICU while they try to get things stabilized. He has lots of fluid on his lungs, has SOB, potassium of 2.2, and lots of things out of whack. He had seemed to be recovering ok, then ...whammo! How common is it for stuff like this to pop up 6 weeks or so post-op? He's now at 8 weeks. The guilt I feel is that I have had almost no problems, even though every expectation was that I would have had some. Of course I'm grateful for that, but wish the same for him! I had told him many times about VR and had hoped he would join, but that never happened. We live 450 miles away, so can't be other than long-distance help.

 

[SHEEPDOG]

It all happens for a reason

It all happens for a reason

I know that is easy for me to write as I am 3 weeks POST and have done better than I expected. I don't think there is ANYTHING you could have done that would make things any different for your brother. Everyones body reacts in different ways to major stresses. The trick is to get better yourself and have the extra strength to give him the support he needs. Do the research on the web if he doesn't want to or cant. See what you can find to help him. You know that you cant go through this for him no matter how much you would like to. Just be there to keep pulling him along. We will all be here to help you pull when you need the help.

 

[geebee]

There is no way to predict who will have an easy time and who will not. Just try to be happy that you are doing well and your brother doesn't have to worry about you as well as his issues.

It sounds like his doctors are on top of things and treating problems well. Getting good care is the key to all of this.

Wishing you both all the best.

 

[Cooker]

Ruthie?..You did not deal his cards dear?Please don?t carry guilt for your great recovery?.Some people have problems and some do not?.it is as simple as that?.as far as him not joining VR?..you can lead a horse to water??Your brother is in our prayers.

 

[hall]

I agree with everyone else. Like they said, we will be here for you and your brother. Take care of yourself too. Prayers for you and your brother.

 

[ruthienc1]

How common would you say problems of his sort are.......and is he likely to recover?

 

[Nancy]

Joe had the best saying-- Just like Cooker's:

"You play the hand you're dealt" It applies to so many things in life.

That's all any of us can do.

I also think we all have an intellectual side and an emotional side.

The intellectual side, in this case would be saying something like this,"My brother has some problems now, and his doctors have him in the exact right place to deal with everything, and I will have to leave it in their hands and God's hands. I have read many stories about people with these problems who have gotten everything straightened out and have done well afterwards. I will keep a positive attitude."

The emotional side is saying," I love my brother dearly, I cannot stand to hear about his problems, especially since I have done so well. I feel terrible. I live so far away and there is nothing I can do to help. I am so, so worried about him. Why can't we both be doing well, it's so unfair?"

Somehow, you have to marry both sides and keep thinking that all will get straightened out. This really has nothing to do with your own recovery. This is your brother's recovery and everyone is different in how they recover.

I can't tell you how many times Joe was admitted to the hospital and even the ICU. It seems like hundreds and hundreds. His doctors worked very hard at getting all the labs straightened out and got him on an even keel, perhaps made some medication adjustments and then sent him home. He beat the devil down many, many times.

I will say some prayers that everything will be better soon.

 

[geebee]

How common would you say problems of his sort are.......and is he likely to recover?

Actually it is more common to have some type of problem than not. The SOB is more than likely only connected to the fluid buildup and should go away once that is corrected. The potassium can be fixed with meds. I am not a doctor so I cannot say for sure but it sounds like everything you mentioned can be corrected. I am a firm believer that attitude can be very helpful in recovery so try and keep his spirits up if you are able to talk with him.

 

[designlady]

Don't feel guilty!

Don't feel guilty!

Hey Ruthie!
I know it is hard for you to hear about your brother. However at 8 weeks out of my surgery I was still having terrible problems. The SOB is caused by the fluid...I had to have fluid drained twice. My doctor said it wasn't that unusual for a person to have to have fluid drained for up to 6 months. My potassium was really low also...they gave me potassium through an IV (ouch, ouch, ouch!!! It burns like fire!) Then when I was able they gave me potassium by mouth. The potassium will drop while they are draining fluid from your brother. It's a really hard balancing act. The doctors will get it under control. I am just now feeling back to my old self...6 months out. But I do know that you shouldn't feel guility! A friend of my Mom's had his surgery a wwek before me. At first I was hearing all about how he was doing. Then my Mom stopped telling me...finally I ask her. She said he was doing really well and already driving, walking, etc. But she didn't want to upset me. I told her I was grateful that his recovery was so smooth. Just because your brother is experiencing a few problems doesn't mean he isn't happy that your road is bump free! I know that you are worried but all the things you describe are manageable problems so I think he will do fine!
Hugs!

 

[WayneGM]

Justing echoing what's been said. The hand your brother was dealt is not you fault so don't feel guilty. Best wishes to both of you.

 

[hensylee]

I would say it's pretty natural to feel (unnecessarily) guilty. After all, he is your dear brother. When something bad happens, we often say why him/her and not me. I say it all the time. This will pass. In the meantime, just take care of yourself and have faith in his doctors, pray, and leave the rest up to a higher power - try to anyway. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Wishing you blessins..........

 

[MaryC]

At the time my brother had his mitral valve replacement surgery in Sept 2006 I had no idea I would be following behind him with my mitral valve repair the following Feb. He had some issues such as having a small stroke and fluid around his heart that sent him back to the hospital. My surgery and the 1st couple of weeks afterward was without issues. I also felt a bit of guilt when I talked to my brother after my surgery. I did end up having some issues several weeks out. Everyone's surgery and recovery is different and bumps along the road are not uncommon.

 

[ruthienc1]

What a comfort it's been to read all of your replies. I knew, in my mind, that his problems weren't all that uncommon, but , to me, they were! Guess we just have to trust and wait patiently.....and be encouragers.
Designlady (is that Jane?)- your story so paralleled my brother's that I called my sister-in-law and read it to her on the phone: it made her feel so very much better. She even wondered why he hadn't joined and it sounds like she'll be encouraging him to do so......hooray! I just have to remember not to be the pushy little sister. Anyway, thanks again, for all your help.

 

[Nancy]

Fluid retention problems and potassium level problems are some of the easiest problems to remedy (usually), unless there is some underlying issue like kidney problems. It usually involves the right combination of meds and constant monitoring by the person with the problem.

But they are also some of the most uncomfortable problems, and if they go on too long, it can get difficult. Sometimes, the only help is drainage and IV diuretics.


I hope we hear soon that he's feeling a little better.

 

[BDMc]

Dear Ruthie, I look back on my OHS, and think I had a pretty smooth recovery. I still think I was very lucky, but here's a list of some of my bumps: Pericarditis, Pneumonia, palpitations (related to electrolites/potasium levels) low blood pressure, pinched nerve...I'm probably forgetting some, but it's not unusual to have some bumps. Glad you are not! And I hope your brother is getting the care/treatment he needs for his. Heck I'm almost 24 years out, and I still get palpitaions when my electrolites are low. A little gatorade and sleep usually does the trick to bring me back to normal rythm. Prayers going out for your brother, Brian

 

[ruthienc1]

Thanks!!!!!!!

Thanks!!!!!!!

Thanks again for all your reassuring replies- forgive the typing- I just came from an eye appt. where I had my eyes dilated and I'm not sure what I see! (at least I can see the red underlinings when I make a big mistake) Bud is doing some better: he's been moved from the ICU to the telemetry unit, so that's a step in the right direction. I just called the nursing station and was told that basically they could just say he's doing fine."HIPPA policy, you know!" He's not answering the phone so I can't ask him directly. I'm looking forward to sharing your responses of what the normal has been for you......then he'll know he's not the only one going through this and that it will improve in time. Thank you, one and all! The key for me to remember is that everyone's different!

 

[Ana]

I think it is only normal to have the feelings you are - as for your borthers symptoms, as others have said, the SOB can be related to the fluid in his lungs. If he is on Lasix to get rid of that fluid, it would deplete his potassium levels.

My husband had a similar problem and it all boiled down to not eating enough protein once he was out of the hospital. Once I remembered what the surgeon said about getting enough protein (damn sleep deprivation) and started loading Carl with protein drinks, brewer's yeast and animal products he shed 15 pounds of water weight in about 5 days. It was incredible. Caveat: had to make sure he was getting plenty of potassium as well. If your brother felt poorly coming out of the hospital, it's entirely possible his diet suffered for it as many people lose their sense of taste and appetite after such surgery.