My dad has a murmur

[catwoman]

My father is 79 and his cardiologist told him recently he has a murmur. He has an echo & cardio visit scheduled July 10. Hopefully, I'll find out more then.

He's a very quiet person, but I can tell he's really worried. He'll mention something about it, and my mom & others in the family tend to think he's fixating on it too much. When I've tried to respond to him, I've been hushed down. They think he fixates on his overall health too much.

My parents were my nursemaids 5 years ago. They insisted on my staying with them for 2 weeks after I left the hospital, since they were near my doctors in Dallas and so I wouldn't be alone during the day. Daddy hovered over me, trying to wait on me hand and foot. I'm blessed that at almost 58, I still have both parents. (They'll celebrate their 59th anniversary on July 3.)

My husband and I are the only ones in our extended family who have had OHS and we truly understand his anxieties.

Any suggestions on how I can reassuringly talk to him about his fears?

I want him to know that valve problems do NOT always require surgery, but that if surgery is the best option, there are excellent surgeons around. (I think John's surgeon, William Ryan, may be among the best -- if not THE best -- in North Texas.)
A friend's mom recently died from aortic valve problems. She had had 8 major surgeries in her life, and when she was told she needed AV replacement, she said no. And she forbade her doctors from telling her two children. My friend didn't find out about this until her mom was in hospice.
I don't want my dad to be like that.

 

[Superbob]

I would try to help him relax by noting that not all murmurs are signals of danger. There are different levels of murmurs. Different doctors do not always hear someone's murmur using a stethoscope. He may have had a murmur for many years, and just now a doctor has detected it. Does not necessarily mean there is a problem that will require surgery. Would just try to stay on an even keel and see what the echo finds...

All best to you and your father....

 

[Duff Man]

Murmors by themselves are no big deal. I took my blood pressure a while ago so I had my stethoscope and just on a whim I asked my wife if I could listen to her heart... I heard a murmor. This was the first time she heard anyone say she had one. She went to an unrelated doctor appointment a few days later and the doctor confirmed it.

My mother also recently developed a murmor that she found out about at a physical.

The way doctors have explained our murmors is that if you're not symptomatic or if it's not ugly sounding, there's really nothing to worry about. A murmor is just the sound of turbulent blood flow. Sometimes it can be the sign of something wrong but just by itself it's usually not something to get too freaked out about.

If I thought my wife or my mom were in trouble I would be at the hospital with her "John Q" style but their murmors are faint and I trust the doctors opinion.

 

[AquaJeff]

My Mom had a murmur for at least 15 years. They "monitored" it and she finaly did need surgery which she just got. Tell him many people get a murmur. Sometimes they need an operation years later and sometimes never. It is too early to stress himself out of it.Stress and anxitey are useless and harmful. I would suggest also asking the doctor for a xanax to calm his nerves.Especially if they tell him he needs an operation. It's easy to tell people to relax and not worry. it's a completly another matter when it is you. Also, if he is receptive, hypnosis can help. Just my 2 cents

 

[Curtsmum]

So sorry to read your news, i hope it all turns out to be a innocent murmer. Keeping my fingers crossed for you. Sending hugs and prayers to you and all the family.

 

[WayneGM]

Sorry to hear about the murmur. However, murmurs are common and do not necessarily require treatment. I hope it's nothing. Best wishes for your Dad.

 

[catwoman]

Thanks for your answers.

We'll just take one step at a time and see what the echo shows.