defibrillators are way too big

[Shone'sGirl]

Hello! I haven't posted for a while. I got a defibrillator on 2/27/08 which sucked because it replaced my brand new pacemaker that I got a year ago.
I was released from the hospital after three days. I felt great and I wasn't even in that much pain. I thought I would be able to enjoy my spring break without any complications.

I should have known better.

Three days after I got out of the hospital my incision started hurting. It was very sudden. In a couple of hours it swelled rapidly and the pain increased. I went to the ER and was admitted. They evacuated a hematoma and 12 days later I went home.

I'm 7 weeks post-op and I'm doing fine, but I'm just pissed that it has to be so complicated. The exact same thing happened last year when I got my pacemaker. And my defibrillator is twice the size of my pacemaker so it is so noticeable. College is hard enough without looking like a freak.
So thanks for listening to my little rant!

-Clare

 

[Cooker]

Rant on Clare....I think it does a body good to let off some steam....I don't have a defib or a pacer so I can't say that I know how you feel but I do have the need to rant from time to time .....Hope things get better for you soon!

 

[Superbob]

We all have to vent from time to time, Clare, so "rant" away. Sounds like you have been through a lot. Thank God you've made it through. Hope everything gets better for you.

Cheers,

 

[Jkm7]

Clare, You've been through a lot. Rant away. WE all do it from time to time.

Hope things go smoothly for you at school the rest of the semester.
Good luck.

 

[briansmom]

My son agrees with you 100%. He had more pain from getting his ICD than he did from OHS. The only good news is that when you next have to get it replaced, I can almost guarantee that it will be MUCH smaller.

 

[Gnusgal]

I have to agree as well... I have had this ICD for a little over a year now. I don't have a lot of padding in my chest, so it is very noticeable. Also, my 10 month old nephew has a habit of bumping his head on it, pressing his elbow into it, etc. I never had that problem with my pacemakers... of course that's probably because my pacemakers have all been in my abdomen. Call it a hunch.

I'm sorry you're so down about how it looks. Honestly (and I know it's hard to do), the less YOU care, the less others will care. All my life I've been very open, honest, and casual about my heart issues. I've never had any problems with feeling like a "freak" (well, none that other people placed on me, that is). I have a feeling that hardly anyone notices your ICD, but because you're self conscious, any time anyone mentions it you're magnifying it to be a much bigger deal than it needs to be. I only say this because I've been where you are. I understand feeling like you're different from everyone around you. But honestly, doesn't everyone have SOMETHING that makes them unique? Something they don't like about themselves? Something that is a much bigger problem in their own eyes than anyone else's? Try to remember that most people are more concerned about what other people are thinking about themselves (and what others are thinking about them) and therefore don't have time to think about your unique situation.

Good luck. Please remember that I'm always here to be your friend. I've been where you are, and it wasn't THAT long ago.