Memorials/funerals ... to attend or not to attend

[hensylee]

When my sister, Jackie, died, it became a public event. Her sons got our community's old antique building and had a 'celebration of her life'. Hundreds came and many standing outside; she was a public figure.

When Richard, my brother, died, he was cremated, we took his ashes to the county where we were born, only family - with c ousins - were there. Afterward, we went to a place on the river where many family reunions were held - Richard started them many years ago so it was a tribute to him and while we were at it, we had a family reunion, as well. In his and another cousin's memory. But then 2 months later, Richard's church dedicated a concert to him and that was for public.

I preferred the private one.

As for letting people know while they are alive, many wrote my dear Joe letters or told him personally how much they loved him and it so lifted his spirits. All of us in the family now say "I love you" or 'love ya' before we hang up a telephone call - always. It means so much and it tells them while they are alive. Try it - you will get used to it. It's real easy once you start.

Blessins.........

 

[Mary]

I'm going off the beaten path here, Cort, but please humor me!

I've given alot of thought to the final disposing of my remains. I will be cremated, but what to do with the ashes had concerned me. I want no one responsible long-term for having to deal with them, but I don't want them put in an urn and buried either.

This winter while watching Matt Lauer travel around the world (Where in the World is Matt Lauer?) he broadcast from Ireland-- the Cliffs of Mohrer.

As soon as I saw the high cliffs, from the vantage point of his helicopter, I knew that's where I wanted my ashes scattered. Years ago we were planning a trip to Ireland, birthplace of my grandmother, but my dad died before we could. I have always wanted to make that trip, so I have arranged for it to be my final destination! I've amended my will, and an insurance policy is to be cashed to finance the trip. My estate will not be closed until my wishes are met!

When I told my daughter, she said, "But I don't think I can fly that far!" I said, "That's ok, one of the boys will do it." And they will. However, I've earmarked enough money that everyone can go and have a great holiday. I hope they do. There's a tower situated by the cliffs that would make a great place to meet and greet. A good place to have a small family reunion. Perhaps Bad Mad will come join them?

I told several old friends at Bob's father's funeral of my plans. One of the guys wanted to know the location, and when I replied that he could look it up on the internet, he said, "I'm the only person I know that doesn't have internet." My answer was that we would send him a postcard (we meaning the kids)from there. I haven't added this to my will yet to refect the latest fine tuning of my plans, but I will.

So all in all, I have eliminated all concerns about disposing of my ashes. And the question of memorials/funerals . . . whether to attend or not, will be avoided!

 

[maka]

Hi Cort
I have not been here in some time as I was traveling. Also, I seldom post as I feel sometimes a little bit of an outsider in a very closed-knitted group of friends...but I?d like to share my thoughts with you about funerals and memoral services.
About 15 years ago, my sister and her husband were killed in a car accident. The shock and pain for us, my mother, their son, myself is hard to describe. At the beginning my family did not want to have a wake, but I thought the time was needed for us to heal and to accept the tragedy. What we did not expect was the outpouring of love from their coworkers. The companies they worked for even hired buses to bring their friends and the funeral home had to open another room to hold the flowers. The bank where my sister worked was opening a new branch and it was dedicated to her and a plaque with her name hung in the lobby. We always knew what kind of individual my sister was, but to hear from many how she had touched their lives was very emotional. A couple of year ago, again I lost my brother to a sudden death due to a heart attack. Again, we were surprised of the outpouring of love. A friend of my brother, a very humbled Central-American peasant, of whom we have never heard or met, came to the funeral home and asked us whether he could play the guitar. We were very surprised at such unusual request but agreed to let him do it. He took his guitar and told everyone that thanks to my brother?s encouragement he continued to play when no one was interested in listening to him. He told us that my brother loved to listen to him play and kept telling him how good he was. He sang three most beautiful songs dedicated to my brother, kissed him on the forehead, said goodbye to us, and left. To this day, we still don?t who he is or his name
All this has meant so much to me, as I learned of another side of my sister and brother, that in my heart I knew was there, but to see the love for them by strangers, it is something that will always remain in my heart.
I agree with you that the time to show our love to someone is while they are alive. Unfortunately, we don't say "I love you" as frequently as we should, but for the ones who are left, to learn how your loved ones touched and changed strangers' lives is something that will always remain in the heart.
So go with your heart,,,,it wil always lead you the right way

 

[Guest]

Wow ... love the additional responses ... very much appreciated ... thank you.


Mary ... that sounds absolutely wonderful.


Thought I'd add this to the mix as well....

A friend sends me "thoughts for the day" every now'n'then. I received this one in my Email inbox Tuesday morning:

"People will forget what you said and forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel."


Hmmm...perhaps that illustrates my point ... that, in general, we should be better at relating and corresponding and interacting while we still can. I know I stay in touch with my friends through Email, message boards, phone calls ... and, of course, road trips. And, yet, oddly enough, it never seems enough. Life is busy.



Cort:33swm."Mr Monte Carlo.Mr Road Trip".pig valve.pacemaker
WRMNshowcase.lego.HO.model.MCs.RT.CHD = http://www.chevyasylum.com/cort
"We all do the best we can" ... Blain Larson ... 'How Do You Get That Lonely?'

 

[hensylee]

Maka, that was a beautiful post. thanks for sharing.

 

[Bad Mad]

Mary

If I were being cremeted I couldn't think of a nicer scene than having the ashes scattered over the Cliffs of Moher.

Incase you consider that maybe you would like to scatter half in the North and half in the South,here's a beautiful scene on the North Antrim coast.
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