A Very Bad 2 Weeks...

[Harrybaby666]

Hi Gang,

I just wanted to quickly post and say that I have been checking in from time to time, when I could, but it's been a devistating 2 weeks for me...I am hoping you will all join me in praying that things get better for a close friend who, to me, is the sister I never had...Her name is Donna, and she was in a relationship with a friend that I went to school with, and all of a sudden, a couple of weeks ago, he woke up and left her for good...just up and walked out on her. I am really worried for Donna, as she has told me that she doesn't want to live anymore, after being hurt by her boyfirends, and when she met David, she, as well as I thought that he would never do this to her, and now he has left her stuck with no way to pay the bills, and also suggested that she move out as he had stated to her "Well, it's not like you can pay the bills anymore now can you?" and he has treated her like dirt over the past few years and done nothing to help her around the house, and because he is obsessed with the computer, he has been ignoring her, and not showing he any affection, anyway, I am sorry for venting, but I was hoping someone might have an idea that might help Donna recover from this, as David just has it too easy...he just walked away, when we thought he was going to marry her....Could you all help me pray that my friend Donna gets to feeling better and things will work out for her? She really means alot to me, and I am EXTREMELY angry that David could do this to her. I know this is off topic, but I just wanted to let yall know that between my kidney surgeries and this, I am getting a bit overwhelmed. Thank You All from the bottom of my heart. Harrybaby

 

[Nan]

Hi Harry,
Donna is very lucky to have a friend like you to help her through this time.

I know it is a hard time for you with all of your kidney stuff going on, but you and any other friends that she has around are probably the best thing for her.


If she can vent to you (and others) then little by little she will begin to feel better and heal. And if that isn't enough, perhaps counselling might help her.

If she can begin to socialize a little and get out and about that will also help.

Hard about having to have all the bills left for her to deal with. Hopefully she can find a job and begin to work on getting them taken care of.

Take care of yourself during this time as well.

 

[Karlynn]

Harry, you are a good friend. Can I suggest she find a women's center that offers some group counceling. From your description of her boyfriend, even though she may not understand it now, she is very lucky she didn't marry him. Sounds like she's been through a few years of, what appears to be emotional abscence, or even a form of emotional abuse.

I wish you the best with your friend

 

[Harrybaby666]

My heart is broken because her heart is broken.....

My heart is broken because her heart is broken.....

Harry, you are a good friend. Can I suggest she find a women's center that offers some group counceling. From your description of her boyfriend, even though she may not understand it now, she is very lucky she didn't marry him. Sounds like she's been through a few years of, what appears to be emotional abscence, or even a form of emotional abuse.

I wish you the best with your friend

Karlynn,

Donna is really a very special person who has wanted nothing more out of life than to have someone love her. Her one and only husband threw her and her daughter out into the street and she has not been treated very well by others either, and she doesn't need this now that she has heart issues as well.. I am trying my best to see what there is for help for her, but because she wasn't married to David, the state of NH doesn't recognize palimony laws except for when it comes to inheritences...I truly believe that she is entitled to something considering that she was with David for 18 years...This is heartbreaking....Thank You for your wisdom and kind words Harrybaby

 

[Harrybaby666]

Thanks Nan....

Thanks Nan....

Hi Harry,
Donna is very lucky to have a friend like you to help her through this time.

I know it is a hard time for you with all of your kidney stuff going on, but you and any other friends that she has around are probably the best thing for her.


If she can vent to you (and others) then little by little she will begin to feel better and heal. And if that isn't enough, perhaps counselling might help her.

If she can begin to socialize a little and get out and about that will also help.

Hard about having to have all the bills left for her to deal with. Hopefully she can find a job and begin to work on getting them taken care of.

Take care of yourself during this time as well.

I am finding really hard right now to take care of myself when I know what Donna is going through is devastating. When I get the chance, I am really going to let David know what he has put us all through and how cruel he has been. I wish you all could have seen how hard Donna has worked to give David a good life...this just absolutely breaks my heart...I am really having a hard time after having another surgery yesterday to not hop in the car and go be with Donna, but my kidney says "I DON'T THINK SO...." so I guess I am taking care of myself whether I want to or not...Harrybaby666

 

[Debster]

Hi Harry! I am so sorry this happened to Donna, but it sure sounds like she can do WAY better than this guy. She deserves to be with someone who will truly cherish her, not someone who could care less. You are a good friend, I will pray she finds a much greater happiness without this loser. I truly believe things happen for a reason and th one day she will see she is better off without him!!! Take care of yourself too-Deb

 

[hensylee]

sounds like his computer obsession might have led him astray?

Tell your friend that her life isn't worth throwing away because of a scumbag who would do this to her.

One thing I learned from my ex (who is a psychiatrist) is that you cannot be depressed and angry at the same time. Tell her to get really angry. He's walked away free and clear and she is stuck. What a bum - in the first degree.

And if they hadn't married in 18 yrs, he was probably never going to anyway. Again - what a bum.

Thanks for helping where you can. In instances such as this we need our friends and you sound like a very caring one.

What a bum he is.

 

[EireCara]

Hi......

Hi......

Hi, I think your friend right now is feeling like her 'world' is rocking underneath her and if she is depressed it would be a good idea to get her to see her GP and perhaps get anti-depressants or councelling, or both. I have actually been in this exact situation (except that I was married) and the debt of depression can be overwhelming.
I think this guy had left emotionally a few years ago, and your friend would actually have known this but like me she thought if she cooked nicer meals, cleaned the house better, looked better etc, he would ''come back'' into the marriage. I doesnt work like that. He was probably biding his time, and when it was right for him to leave physically he took off.
There is light at the end of the tunnel however, and your friend WILL look back at this and realise he actually did her a favour. I am now 10 years alone, (i have my gorgeous kids of course) and I can truly look back and realise I should have LEFT HIM long before he went, and I am FAR HAPPIER on my own than I would ever have been with him.
If you have contact with her family or other friends and are in a position to talk to them about this situation, I think I would address the 'depression' asap at least until your friend gets past the absolute shock and devistation of what has happened. When people treat us like he has treated her, it causes us to feel 'worthless' !!
She is VERY lucky to have a friend such as you. Please look out for yourself also. Very best wishes to you and your friend, Jacqui.

 

[Harrybaby666]

He Is Obsessed With The Computer....

He Is Obsessed With The Computer....

sounds like his computer obsession might have led him astray?

Tell your friend that her life isn't worth throwing away because of a scumbag who would do this to her.

One thing I learned from my ex (who is a psychiatrist) is that you cannot be depressed and angry at the same time. Tell her to get really angry. He's walked away free and clear and she is stuck. What a bum - in the first degree.

And if they hadn't married in 18 yrs, he was probably never going to anyway. Again - what a bum.

Thanks for helping where you can. In instances such as this we need our friends and you sound like a very caring one.

What a bum he is.

He is obsessed with it Hensy, as I have been down there on numerous occasions where Donna and I have sat around for hours on end while he ignored her (and me) because he cannot get away from the computer. He had the nerve to tell Donna the other day that the computer was NOT the problem...but I would like to know what IS the problem when Donna sits there trying to ask him a question and work this problem out, and all he does is ignore her and not answer any questions. I have known David for almost 30 years and I NEVER would have thought he would have done this too her. I cannot begin to even tell anyone just how angry and shocked I am at his behavior...I have always known he was a bit selfish, but he has more than proved it on this one. I am going to tell David, when I get the chance, that if anything happens to Donna because of this, that I won't be able to forgive him. Harrybaby

 

[Harrybaby666]

Thanks Jacqui......

Thanks Jacqui......

Hi, I think your friend right now is feeling like her 'world' is rocking underneath her and if she is depressed it would be a good idea to get her to see her GP and perhaps get anti-depressants or councelling, or both. I have actually been in this exact situation (except that I was married) and the debt of depression can be overwhelming.
I think this guy had left emotionally a few years ago, and your friend would actually have known this but like me she thought if she cooked nicer meals, cleaned the house better, looked better etc, he would ''come back'' into the marriage. I doesnt work like that. He was probably biding his time, and when it was right for him to leave physically he took off.
There is light at the end of the tunnel however, and your friend WILL look back at this and realise he actually did her a favour. I am now 10 years alone, (i have my gorgeous kids of course) and I can truly look back and realise I should have LEFT HIM long before he went, and I am FAR HAPPIER on my own than I would ever have been with him.
If you have contact with her family or other friends and are in a position to talk to them about this situation, I think I would address the 'depression' asap at least until your friend gets past the absolute shock and devistation of what has happened. When people treat us like he has treated her, it causes us to feel 'worthless' !!
She is VERY lucky to have a friend such as you. Please look out for yourself also. Very best wishes to you and your friend, Jacqui.

What I don't understand is why, if Donna has done nothing wrong, and has tried her hardest to make a home for her ex husband and then David, does she have to be punished for what these idiot's have done to her? The housing complex where she lives, already know, through the local gossips about this, and it has given her a soiled reputation as a single woman because everyone is wondering who she is going to get in there for another man next....I am just so angry at David, and I am really hurting for my friend Donna...Harrybaby

 

[perkicar]

Harrybaby,
Donna is so fortunate to have you on her side during this mess. What a dope this guy is...and like others have said, she has invested alot emotionally into making it work when he was perfectly happy to take take take and give nothing back except his selfish needs. The computer can be a great place to hide and avoid the world-my brother does that sometimes and it didn't help his marriage either.
Please tell Donna we are praying for her and want to help if we can-but a group support system and some counselling would help her to realize that what went wrong is NOT her fault, but the fault of the big lug that dumped her! She's just left to pick up the pieces.......

 

[Harrybaby666]

Thanks Carolyn......What Bothers me the most about this is....

Thanks Carolyn......What Bothers me the most about this is....

Harrybaby,
Donna is so fortunate to have you on her side during this mess. What a dope this guy is...and like others have said, she has invested alot emotionally into making it work when he was perfectly happy to take take take and give nothing back except his selfish needs. The computer can be a great place to hide and avoid the world-my brother does that sometimes and it didn't help his marriage either.
Please tell Donna we are praying for her and want to help if we can-but a group support system and some counselling would help her to realize that what went wrong is NOT her fault, but the fault of the big lug that dumped her! She's just left to pick up the pieces.......

Donna has been hurt by every one of the very few boyfriends and 1 husband who threw her and her little girl out into the street, and because of David's actions, she can't even trust me because I am a male...and this really angers me, not to mention the fact that David left her after buying 7000 worth of computer equipment and stuck her with the credit card bill...not to mention the fact that he suggested that she give up the apartment....I am sorry, but First, if I were to split up with a lady, I certainly not suggest that she leave, or throw her out simply because she is a lady and it's the right thing to do, and 2nd, he should return all this computer equipment OR help her by paying on the credit card (it was in both of there names)....I have done as others suggested, and backed off as right now I am having some scary health issues, but I just hope and pray that Donna can regain her trust in the male population and continue living, as right now, she wants to die, and this is scaring me in itself....Sorry for venting, but I thank yall for your encouraging and supportive words. Donna is family to me, as we have known each other too long..Harrybaby

 

[maka]

I don?t know how this is going to sound to you, but if the guy is the way you describe him, Donna should be dancing of happiness that the jerk left her and feel sorry not for herself but for the next poor victim. I think the best is to tell Donna that she deserves better and help her see her good qualities and build her self esteem rather than feel sorry for her. It seems to me she does not value herself enough. Help her see how fortunate she is that the guy sailed away and that she won?t have to worry about his bills any more.
Tell her to look herself at a mirror and say...I AM WORTHY

 

[Harrybaby666]

I keep telling her this Maka.....but it's hard for her to believe even me....

I keep telling her this Maka.....but it's hard for her to believe even me....

I don?t know how this is going to sound to you, but if the guy is the way you describe him, Donna should be dancing of happiness that the jerk left her and feel sorry not for herself but for the next poor victim. I think the best is to tell Donna that she deserves better and help her see her good qualities and build her self esteem rather than feel sorry for her. It seems to me she does not value herself enough. Help her see how fortunate she is that the guy sailed away and that she won?t have to worry about his bills any more.
Tell her to look herself at a mirror and say...I AM WORTHY

I have been trying, my brother and all of Donna's family have been trying to lift her spirits, and convince her that she is wanted, loved and not unworthy....I just hope that someone can help us help her.....Thanks for your encouraging words and hope. Harrybaby

 

[Karlynn]

Check to see if the state has a common-law marriage provision. In some states if a couple lives together for a certain number of years, they are considered married in the eyes of the law.

 

[Harrybaby666]

I did Karlynn, and in New Hampshire....

I did Karlynn, and in New Hampshire....

Check to see if the state has a common-law marriage provision. In some states if a couple lives together for a certain number of years, they are considered married in the eyes of the law.

The only laws that apply to common law marriage are ones that apply to inheritances....other than that, NH does not recognize Palimony or Common Law Marriages.....Sadly to say.... Harrybaby

 

[CathyK.]

I am so angry at this guy also! Donna will be in my prayers. Right before the holidays too!!! How awful. Harrybaby - take care of yourself. You can't help her if you are not up to par. You both are in my payers!!

 

[maka]

I have been trying, my brother and all of Donna's family have been trying to lift her spirits, and convince her that she is wanted, loved and not unworthy....I just hope that someone can help us help her.....Thanks for your encouraging words and hope. Harrybaby

It will probably take some time for your friend to regain her self esteem. Unfortunately it seems the fool had a long time working putting her down (sorry but I can?t stand it when some treats another human being without respect and consideration). I believe the best is just to keep her company and do fun things together so her mind get focus into something pleasant. Maybe a weekend to a local spa, where she?ll be pampered and a good hair cut and facial that change her image will make a good Holiday gift. Sometimes this make wonders as we feel a ?new? person...ready for a new life