Need to vent a little

[Gnusgal]

Hi, all. I haven't written, or even checked the board in quite some time. Part of that is because I'm super busy these days and part of it is because I'm depressed. I feel like crawling into a hole and hiding out for awhile. I don't like my job anymore. For those of you who don't remember, I'm a teacher. This is only my third year, but I'm sick of it. I can't take the hours or the stress anymore. But I'm stuck. I have no choice but to continue doing this at least another 4 1/2 months. In the summer, while still on school insurance and getting a paycheck, I might be able to find another job, but that presents another delima. I don't know what to do. I'd though at one time about working as a child life specialist in the hospital, but from what I understand there are a LOT more applicants than there are jobs and it requires a 15 week internship and certification test (that's only given in June and November). There's no way I'd be able to do the internship and take the test and get a job over the summer. Now I'm thinking I'd take anything as long as it means that when I leave work, I LEAVE work and don't have to think about it again until I show up the next day. It would be so nice to feel like I can actually have a life outside my job. But I have no skills or background in ANYTHING out there. I learn quickly, but I don't know where to even start looking.

There's more, though. My husband is currently unemployed and going back to school. My income and insurance is all we have. If I were to try to find an entry level position, I'd be taking a drastic pay cut and I don't know if we'd be able to support ourselves, at least not in the place we currently live in. My husband is looking for part time work, but hasn't had much luck. He's "over qualified" for the jobs that should be easy to get, and can't work full time for the stuff he is qualified for. He won't be done with school for another 3 1/2 - 4 years and I know I won't be able to stand staying at this job that long. There's no way I'll let him quit school this time.

And in the midst of all this I've been having some chest pains. I'm fairly certain they're stress related/psychological, because I'm not usually doing anything at the time they are happening. I've done this before; had symptoms when there is no cause to be found. I hate it. My card believes me that I'm having the symptoms, but can't figure out how to treat it without having a clue what the cause could be. It can't be my BP, that's already too low. It is SO frustrating and just adds to it. Yesterday and today I've felt very "off." I can't name a specific symptom really, but I don't feel right. I've thought about calling my card, but I don't figure there's anything she can do. I have already told her about a couple of the chest pain episodes, but she didn't know what they were, and I doubt she'd be able to figure it out now either.

Anyway, another class is coming in, so I suppose my vent will have to be over. Thanks for "listening." I just needed to gripe a bit.

Thanks,

 

[JimL]

Talk to some teachers you trust. Isn't this a standard reaction about this time of year among teachers? It is among those I work with. Perhaps they can help you see things in perspective, or provide some direction.

 

[Jean]

While it won't help you only a little, I think probably every teacher has been in your place. I think we become teachers because we love learning and perhaps because someone helped us along the way. Then we get on the job and low and behold not all kids love learning or want help! And there we are with a life time ahead of us with these demons...the best thing I ever did was when my husband was transferred during my 3rd year of teaching to follow him as soon as the year was over. I have a dual degree in English and journalism so I worked in advertising and public relations. You know what? I was so bored I was looking for another teaching job within 4 months. I subbed for the rest of the year and was thrilled to land a junior college position the next year. Been teaching ever since.

Teaching is a unique profession...it is exhausting and draining, but it is rewarding when you see these kids...many of whom no one else gives a fig about ... turn into useful and fairly happy adults. I often have most of my students at least twicee during their high school careers.

I don't know that I could take little kids. Yet, my college roommate is an elementary teacher. In college we used to wonder aloud at how the other could do all they had to do for their area. I think elementary and secondary teachers must be creatures cut from different cloth.

Talk to older teachers. Our school assigns new teachers mentors of older teachers. We don't know everything, but sometimes just talking helps and many times the mentors have some answers that help.

Good luck. Take up walking or some exercise to help relieve the tension. Wish we could have coffee together and just gab. Maybe I could help, maybe you could pour your coffee on me!?