Date For Surgery

[Getzfixed]

We got a firm date for my AVR today. It will be on Mon. Jan 14 at UPenn by Dr. Bavaria. I guess I'm all set except for the valve. I'm still wavering between a Carbomedics composite valve/root and a Tor. SPV. I talked to two of Bavaria's recent valve recipients who are in my age group and both chose tissue(only one received it though). Both cited avoiding blood thinners as their deciding reason. I realize there is no right or wrong decision, just mine. I wish the answer was written in stone. I'm also wondering what/how to tell my girls-ages 12,8,5. I only seem to get emotional when I'm talking to people I really care about and I don't want to scare them. The success rate for my procedure is very high. Should I even let them know that there is a chance, although very remote, that things might not work out? I'm very curious to know what anybody thinks or has actually done in this situation.
Getz

 

[hensylee]

Tried to enter your date in calendar, but I have no idea where it went, think it's lost -

Very definitely talk with your girls, but do not tell them there could be a 'slight' chance. Just let them know you are having serious major surgery and will be laid up for awhile and you will count on them to give you wee hugs and bring stuff to you to help you recuperate (not get well, because when you get home, you WILL be well - just sore and recuperating). If you cry when telling them, it's ok. One of these days they will know why. But you also may want to tell them you are doing this, not only for yourself, but for them as well so that you will be strong and able to live a very healthy life from here on out. I wish you the very best, Getz. We will support all the way over the mountaintop with you. God bless

 

[Jean]

Tell kids

Tell kids

I agree with Henseley. Tell the kids about the surgery and that it is very serious. If they ask, then tell them that like all surgery there is some risk, but that you are doing this so you will be well for a long time to come to enjoy life with them.

Good luck and God bless. We will all be praying for you. In the meantime have a good holiday season. I had my surgery Jan. 21, 00, so I can vividly remember what you are going through, but soon you will wake up and say "gee, I'm still here." and then you will marvel at how good you feel!

 

[KristyW]

Tell Them

Tell Them

Getz,

My children were a little older than yours are when I had my surgery this summer. The best advice I can give you is to tell them that your heart has a broken part that needs to be fixed. Let them know that your doctor is very good, and he'll take good care of you.

Your daughters will amaze you. They will take this all in stride. My experience was this: My oldest, 13, wanted to know everything about the surgery, so we told him. My middle child, 10, completely ignored the fact that I was going into the hospital. He told me that he knew I was going to be o.k., so he didn't need to talk about it. My youngest, 7, became a little clingy, but then she was fine. All 3 were a great help when I got home.

Give your girls as many hugs as they'll stand. You'll be just fine

 

[KristyW]

Tell Them

Tell Them

Getz,

My children were a little older than yours are when I had my surgery this summer. The best advice I can give you is to tell them that your heart has a broken part that needs to be fixed. Let them know that your doctor is very good, and he'll take good care of you.

Your daughters will amaze you. They will take this all in stride. My experience was this: My oldest, 13, wanted to know everything about the surgery, so we told him. My middle child, 10, completely ignored the fact that I was going into the hospital. He told me that he knew I was going to be o.k., so he didn't need to talk about it. My youngest, 7, became a little clingy, but then she was fine. All 3 were a great help when I got home.

Give your girls as many hugs as they'll stand. You'll be just fine

KristyW.

 

[Bill Hall]

Getz - I agree with all the above regarding your daughters. I think you picked a good surgeon and you're young, so you should have no major problems. The valve selection is always difficult, I have a homograph (human valve) to avoid the blood thinners. I am presently not on any medication. You might ask about the blood thinners in the coumadin section of this web site. I rarely visit there. From what I hear, you would have some limitations, but it is definitely livable. Good luck in mid-Jan, I had mine done on Jan 12, 2001.

 

[Rain]

Honesty is the best policy... I would tell them.

Honesty is the best policy... I would tell them.

Getz,

Cool name.

Different people have different attitudes about telling their kids. My attitude is tell them, but don?t scare the puddin? out of them when you do it. And if at all possible let them come see you as soon as you lose a few of the many tubes sticking out of you.

When I had my surgery my daughter was 6, my boys were 16 and 18. Of course the boys knew I had a heart problem. I tried to blow the whole thing off like it was no big deal. I did tell my six year old that I was going to have heart surgery. It wasn?t a secret, but it wasn?t something that was talked about much either. I thought she was going to be okay with it... but she is a mommy?s girl. She had never been away from me before. Even though she was here, at home with her big brother and her Grandma, she missed me terribly. I told her before I left she could call me every night after she did her home work. She cried every time I talked to her. I also bought her a little gift to open each evening after we got off the phone. I was a seven hour drive from my home, so there was no way she could come visit me. I know it would have helped a lot if she could have.

So my suggestion is tell your girls you are having the operation and that they can come visit you. (if that is at all possible) I would NOT tell them there is a possibility of you dying... what good would that do? Lean to the positive side, tell them it is something that has to be done to make you feel better. These days prior to the surgery will be harder for them once they know about it... just like the waiting is hard for you. You have to tell them about it in a very positive way. Once they see you ?on the other side? see your smiling face and know you will be okay, they will be okay too.

My oldest son was in college, about a 45 minute drive from Denver. He came over to see me every day. He was there with in minutes of me coming out of surgery to ICU. It was a very emotional and special time for him & I both. It would not have been good for Sara (my daughter) to see me at that time, but the next day would have been alright.

There are so many freaky tough decisions that come with heart surgery! And the answer for me or anyone else may not be the correct one for you.

Coumadin isn't really all that bad either.

Rain

 

[McCln]

Getz

Getz

Every here is right to be as honest as possible. Tell your girls everything but not the part that they might lose you. That is really a slimmer chance than you realize, if you have no other health problems. I am young and no kids. My cheering section, my mother died two years this January from RA complications. We had no idea about this. But I miss her terribly and going through a second surgery, aortic valve replacement this time, was hard without her. But I knew she would want me to have the surgery to have a chance in life and I took it. You should feel good about this chance you have to be here longer with your girls. I made a hard decision on have the mechanical valve, no kids. but I can find someone, I am single right now, and adopt kids. The warafin is nothing to worry about. I would rather go though this than go through surgery again in five or ten years from now. I had the replacement done 091301 and amd doing better. It has been three months the 13 and glad to have the chance to keep on going. I am more active than ever at 36 years old. I hope to keep going for a long time. You will be just fine. Do it for your girls. And be honest with yourself also, it will help to just tell them who sick you have been and the surgery will make you better soon. They will help you during recovery. You are in my prayers. Hang in there now.

Caroline
091301
Aortic valve replacement
St Jude's valve

 

[maxximom]

Dear Getz
Glad that you have a date for surgery..that decision helps a lot. The valve decsiision of course is harder..there is NO wrong decision..just go with what is comfortable for you and your surgeon. I'm sure that you will find the best way for you and your family to tell your children what is "best" for all of you. If my daughter can help you or put you in contact with anyone at Penn..let me know and I will have her contacct you personally..email me if you wish and I will send you her phone # or email [email protected]
The very best of luck!!
Joan

 

[Getzfixed]

Thank you all for your replies. Your advice, and encouragement are both welcome and very much appreciated. I think we are going to wait until after Christmas to tell the younger two- the oldest already knows. Until then we're going to do our darndest to enjoy this holiday more than any one before. This whole experience has really taught me not to take one day for granted. That has been the one upside of all of this:The trivial things that used to bug the **** out of me, I now let slide. This has really focused my attention on what really matters. Although it was tough to accept setting a date, I'm really looking forward to the day where I don't have to ask myself,"Am I overexerting myself?Was that a symptom or am I being over sensitive?" I'm still waiting for the lightning bolt to show me which valve to choose. Thanks again, I'd be lost without this place.
Getz