Just AVOID that stress!

[Nocturne]

Here's a thing... My doc told me that it would be best for my heart if I "avoid stress". How exactly does one do that?

I teach in an urban school in the USA. For some perspective, this video was made by some students at my school last year, and about 1/4 of the kids in the video were actually my students last year:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=262IpZUMBP0

The kid drinking from the bottle at the two minute mark? He's a drug dealer. Everyone knows, he just hasn't been caught yet. We actually get along pretty well most of the time.

So... "Avoid stress"? How does one do that, exactly? Is it like "avoiding" the black mold growing inside the wall of my classroom that makes the place smell like teen sweat and mildew?

 

[AZ Don]

In my view, stress is your minds reaction to a situation. While you cannot control the situations you face you have some influence over your reaction to them. Granted that situations are not all the same so it should not be expected that you can react to them all the same, still there are things you can do to lower the stress situations may cause. If you google stress management you will find a wealth of information. I think primary methods involve relaxation techniques such as meditation and mindfulness. Counseling may also be useful. I find it helpful to be thankful for all that I have and all the issues that I could have, but don't. For example, I am thankful that I have a heart issue that can be fixed rather than a cancer that cannot. Or that I live today, rather than the time of my grandparents who faced hardships that I cannot imagine, and yet they all lived happy lives.

 

[pellicle]

Hi

Stress is a tough one

I had a friend from school whom I later worked with professionally. Pete had a way of looking at a situation we were dealing with which just made it all seem different and manageable

The kid drinking from the bottle at the two minute mark? He's a drug dealer. Everyone knows, he just hasn't been caught yet. We actually get along pretty well most of the time.

So, that you can say this means you may be close to managing it already.

As Don says, it's always about attitude. I think your close

 

[dornole]

First, thanks for your service as a teacher working with these kids. I guess I'd say, be assertive in building your ability to manage stress. That might mean therapy for example. And if your job doesn't feel life-fulfilling then you could always choose something less inherently stressful if you can afford to. I think it means prioritize your own need for rest and peace a little more than you might otherwise would. It makes me think about being sad I couldn't give blood anymore which I used to do religiously. There is a time when you have to help yourself and you can still be proud of all the good work you did.

 

[cldlhd]

Well first of all I prefer the Stones to that crap and I usually don't like simplistic answers like the one I'm about to give but I'd be looking for a new job....

 

[pellicle]

... I usually don't like simplistic answers like the one I'm about to give but I'd be looking for a new job....

or even a similar job in a better place?

Myself I've always moved on if the job is not leading me where I want to. The longer you stick it out in a bad job the more it creates an inertia that you can't break I reckon.

 

[almost_hectic]

First, thanks for your service as a teacher working with these kids. I guess I'd say, be assertive in building your ability to manage stress. That might mean therapy for example. And if your job doesn't feel life-fulfilling then you could always choose something less inherently stressful if you can afford to. I think it means prioritize your own need for rest and peace a little more than you might otherwise would. It makes me think about being sad I couldn't give blood anymore which I used to do religiously. There is a time when you have to help yourself and you can still be proud of all the good work you did.

After my surgery I was stressed out just thinking about going back to my work situation. I had a horrible boss who was a constant source of stress and frustration to everyone around her. She was basically a walking talking bundle of anxiety with ADD. So with the downtime I had, someone suggested I go see a therapist about learning some stress management techniques to take back to work with me. I did and when I started describing my work situation and my boss, the therapist basically said, "Well I can help you understand how to better handle some of these stressful encounters but maybe the best thing for you might be to reconsider where you work because it sounds like your boss is the real problem." LOL She was spot on, although I already knew that was the best option. Had to go back to work anyway, but one month later I was able to give my notice I was leaving. Life is so much better at my new job!.. I feel very lucky

 

[Agian]

They're just teenagers showing off in front of their friends. It's very funny.
The Stones would've used more drugs than all of them put together.

 

[cldlhd]

They're just teenagers showing off in front of their friends. It's very funny.
The Stones would've used more drugs than all of them put together.

Ha, Ya just harmless teenagers. Its not the drug use, people raised with a good foundation can experiment with things. A group of teenagers showing off by singing about shooting people might just show off by shooting you. I wouldn't be too worried by a few Englishman singing like they're southern blues men.

 

[Mellyouttaphase]

I do my best to eliminate negative situations from my environment where possible, find positive ways to deal with stress, and ultimately increase my tolerance to perceived adversity.

There is a difference between good and bad stress! I will admit that without a little pressure I would languish in life and go nowhere. Recently I had a financial wake up call which resulted in a mini-meltdown. Ultimately a false alarm but the storm in a teacup gave me the kick up the ass I needed. Sometimes stress is sent our way for a reason!

If you can change it, then change it. If you can't? Well there are always going to be situations you cannot control, instead learn to control how you react to them. Yeah, it's something I am working on!

 

[Nocturne]

They're just teenagers showing off in front of their friends. It's very funny.
The Stones would've used more drugs than all of them put together.

In truth, the video does make the school look a lot worse than it is. But still, many of those kids are or were actually students of mine. I look at that video and wonder, "what the $@#% have I been doing working with these kids for the last 20 years?"

With over 40 nations and over 30 languages represented, it's a bit like working in the Mos Eisley cantina. It's never boring!

(If you close your eyes during passing period, you can easily imagine that you are working in Bedlam or some other old school asylum -- the howling, shouting, hooting, banging on the lockers and walls, etc.)

I think when I had more reserve, it was easier. Back over a year ago I had no medical issues and I was mostly worried about national level education politics. Enter severe hormonal problems (subphysiological testosterone and all the physiological and psychological fun that goes with it, like sudden onset ED that did not respond to conventional pill therapies, waking up at ungodly hours with intense anxiety, etc.) and the one-two sucker punch of aortic stenosis and subclinical CAD -- all of which arrived at a bizarrely early age (41), and... things are different. Suddenly national education politics seems like a really really abstract thing to be worried about.

I really feel like I pole vaulted from age 40 to age 60 in the space of a single year. Just skipped middle age entirely and went straight from adulthood to old age. Pills only when I've got an infection to -- what am I taking, twelve pills and supplements a day now? Christ.

 

[Agian]

I wouldn't be too worried by a few Englishman singing like they're southern blues men.

I'll get back to you on that one.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9iw_BE_X9sA

 

[cldlhd]

I'll get back to you on that one.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9iw_BE_X9sA

Ha, I like how Charlie looks at Mick like he's a prancing d-bag but I prefer something more like " stray cat blues".
Nocturne it's hard to say what to do, there are techniques to help relieve stress but you can't do much about the environment you teach in. Hey if you want to relocate I have a friend on a local school board here in Bucks county in the suburbs of Philly. It won't be as diverse or exciting but it's a nationally ranked district in a nice area.

 

[pellicle]

Hi

.... Suddenly national education politics seems like a really really abstract thing to be worried about.
.

Personal health issues really do tend to refocus the mind on what is actually important, and that sure isn't national educational policy.

In truth society gets on along fine without us no matter now significant a part we think we play in it.

We all get dealt shitty hands now and then, but the key point is to keep playing and not fold.

I got stenosis at about 6 and was operated on at about 10, I missed early adulthood and missed so much important development in my teens that I was robbed. I will never ever have the strength and fitness of any of my relatives who had the luxury of building when I had my first OHS, so I find your argument of "bizarrely early age" to be cloaked in misunderstanding and ignorance.

Agian mentioned to me recently a girl who had had 6 OHS by 28 ... think about what she was robbed of.

Yes it's crappy when it happens to you, but you know what? Most of us here have had it happen to them.

Of course it's easier to not get it when it's someone else's loss or suffering. I feel strongly you don't get it when we reach out to you with our situations. It's as if you focus on how horrible it is for you but discount how we may have felt. "Of course you guys had a hard time, but not as much as me" seems to be your unstated premise.

Many times here over your posts people have reached out to you to offer the view that you should look to the positives that continue to exist for you. Just now someone offered to help you find work in a new area that may be less stressful. That's perhaps more tangible than anything I've ever written to you about attitude.

I skipped starting a family and went to being a widower with a complex and touchy heart problem that is beyond the comprehension of many professional in one year too. I lost my only life goal and skipped straight to being too old to restart and too young to die quietly in a retirement village. My life went from fucking perfect to perfectly fucked in one night and then proceed to get worse with the coming months of infections and debridement surgeries. The physical signs of the strain were that lost a lot of hair and my beard greyed in a year.

My response has to that over the last four years has been to recover my resolve (still ongoing) and push on with what I can get out of life. Not focus on what I lost.

If you try that too you will find warm help and support here.

I do think however that I see a break in your clouds and you seem to be passing from the bleak to something more akin to anger. To me that's a good sign.

Myself I know I am not always in the best frame of mind to cope with some psychologies some times, but I will always be there for those who seek answers and inputs. Perhaps I don't come across as understanding, but I do try to offer help (even if it's not sugar Coates much)

 

[cldlhd]

I admit I went thru a bit of "why me" when I got my BAV/aneurysm diagnosis just before my 45th birthday but the answer is "why not me?". I never smoked, partied a bit in my misguided yoof, but always kept myself in decent shape. Obviously none of that has anything to do with what I was born with. I try to look at the positives. It could be worse , there are people who are blind , have cancer etc.... I'm mostly thankful that it's me and not my son. I think about how lucky I am to have him and my wife and other great people fo support me and how others thru no fault of their own don't have that or never got to experience the joy of being a Dad. How 50 yrs ago we would all be screwed with this diagnosis, hell there are places in the world today where you would be done.

 

[Zoltania]

The psychologist/author/cancer patient Dan Shapiro wrote an excellent essay on the concept of "why me?": http://www.salon.com/2002/08/06/why_me/

I would add a caveat, though, that any advice to think about what other people are going through, or to buck up or buckle down or whatever, works only if you're in a pretty balanced place mentally already. If you have issues such as depression or excessive anxiety, in which your brain is essentially lying to you about what is truth and what isn't, then that advice isn't enough and you probably need to work on the underlying issues (via cognitive-behavioral therapy, meditation, medication, or any of the many other helping mechanisms). I think the bucking yourself up part is more useful as a sort of mental hygiene practice, to keep yourself on an even keel once you're more or less there.

 

[cldlhd]

It does seem a bit wrong making yourself feel better by thinking of those who have it worse but in a way that's human nature. A Pope was once asked "what's so great about Heaven? You're basically just laying around all day?" The answer was " you think about all those poor, suffering souls in Hell".

 

[pellicle]

https://www.newscientist.com/article/mg23230940-300-anxiety/

 

[Nocturne]

I got stenosis at about 6 and was operated on at about 10, I missed early adulthood and missed so much important development in my teens that I was robbed. I will never ever have the strength and fitness of any of my relatives who had the luxury of building when I had my first OHS, so I find your argument of "bizarrely early age" to be cloaked in misunderstanding and ignorance.

I have an apparently normal tricuspid valve, and degenerative calcific AS. 42 IS freakishly young for that. It's so young that I'd wager you have never seen anyone on this forum who is in a similar situation. Actually, I wish I could find someone in a similar situation that I could talk to, but I haven't -- not here or anywhere else. Most everyone here is BAV, which I'm not downplaying the seriousness of, but it's not really the same thing. At least one person here has essentially blamed me for my own condition, which I think is a bit harsh.

You don't generally get degenerative calcific AS in a normal aortic valve until after age 60. Heck, if I was over 60 and got the diagnosis I have now -- with AS and a CAC score of 156 (about average for a 65 year old male) -- I'd be breathing easy and not even checking out this forum. It'd be a relatively minor thing in my eyes -- a solid concern, sure, but not something I'd be too freaked out about.

I well know that it can always be worse. There are kids out there with Epidermolysis Bullosa who would likely trade places with any of us here in a heartbeat (as my wife says of that disease, "there are worse things than cancer.")

 

[AnnaK]

I'd recommend you read "Spontaneous Happiness" by Dr Andrew Weil. I'm not at all into self help books, but I swear by this guy