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Thanks Sarah for clarifying this as far as his behavior.
I can definitely understand how meds can effect people in certain ways and I know that he feels so down and probably worthless.
I just hope he goes back to the way he was after surgery because he is a great guy and funny, vibrant, etc.
Thanks again!
AJC62
 
Hello Carolyn,

The Cleveland Clinic has a great website that explains heart conditions and procedures etc. I found it to be invaluable.
 
Mackie,
I had two OHS at Mass General and can't praise them enough.
We have two of the top five heart centers for all of the U.S. in Boston (Mass General and Brigham and Women's) and there was no question for me but that I would go to one of those hospitals.

If you can talk your boyfriend into considering the top centers, it might relax him a bit to kow he has world class doctors/surgeons taking care of him.

For him to be withdrawn and depressed is not at all unusual. He got very stunning, frightening news. To suddenly learn you need heart surgery is hard to hear and digest. If you can be supportive for him and understanding through this, hopefully that will be a comfort to him.

Please come back here whenever you think we can help you. Any questions etc, just ask.
 
Hi, one known side effect of beta blockers is depression. When I was started on this med, I became clinically depressed - my cardiologist at the time didn't really believe the depression was from the medication. I changed to a another cardiologist, she took me off the beta blocker and started Lisinopril. Depression subsided within a week.
 
Hi Jkm
Well I sent him the info on Mass General and even the top doctor's name but it is all up to him as to whether or not he wants to switch doctors ...

Yes, I agree - I would be withdrawn and depressed too especially at that age. He was doing everything and then to learn you can't drink, exercise, have coffee, it is a big letdown in your life.... I am supportive of him - I just don't want to be overbearing....

Thanks again!
AJC62
 
Hi onset,
He did go to another cardiologist but was adamant about sticking to the original one....and I know that the meds are changing him because he is definitely not himself.

thanks!
AJC62
 
I have MVP as well and am scheduled for a repair on 2/28. I have to say that talking to the surgeon, seeing his confidence and hearing how "routine" the surgery is for him really put my mind at ease. I was a basket case before I saw him, and came out of his office laughing. That was 3 months ago...now I just want to get on with it.

The great part about our mitral valves is that in the majority of cases they can be repaired (if you choose an experienced surgeon). My surgeon indicated that a successful repair is pretty much like bing "cured". I will need meds for a little while after surgery, but not forever like with a mechanical valve, and I should not need a re-operation like with a tissue valve.
 
Hi onset,
He did go to another cardiologist but was adamant about sticking to the original one....and I know that the meds are changing him because he is definitely not the same person.

thanks!
Carolyn

Has he been referred to a surgeon yet? The cardiologist will not be the surgeon (I didn't realize that initially), so at some point he will probably need to talk to at least one other doctor.
 
Mackie,

I can tell you that it is one heck of a shock when you are told that you have MVP and that at some point you will need surgery to fix it, especially if you feel healthy overall. The initial days after hearing that can really mess with your mind. You can let your boyfriend know that you have found this great site where there are a lot of people who have been in his exact same shoes. As others have said, you are lucky to live in the Boston area, because there are some great hospitals to choose from here. We have former patients of both Mass General and the Brigham on this site. I was much more comfortable visiting the doctors at the Brigham than I was with at Lahey.

Ovie, best of luck as you head in tomorrow. We'll all be pulling for you and looking forward to hearing from you when you are recovering.
 
I just want to toss out there, that my husband and I rarely talk about the medical piece of this. We spend most of our time trying to keep everything as normal as possible for our daughter. At least that's my excuse...really, I think we feed each other's fears rather than helping. In your boyfriend's situation, he may clam up a bit because...well because he's a man. They are supposed to be the ones who stay strong for us right? Let me be perfectly clear...I do not believe in that stereotype, but I know my husband feels that way. So back to my original point...I don't rely on my own friends and family to talk about the details (they are just as freaked out as I was/am...maybe even more), so for that, I rely on the "family" here at this website. I think since my very first post here, Boston Tiger became my "hero"...he had the same procedure as I need, he sailed through it and is back to help the rest of us through it. I hope you can convince your boyfriend to check out the site...Maybe he'll be able to watch me SAIL through the same surgery he will need. I'm scheduled for Tuesday! I don't know how I would have made it through the past 3 months in the "waiting room" without the amazing people here!
 
Good luck with your surgery and thank you for getting back to me!! I hope that it will be a repair to the valve and nothing more and I hope that they schedule it soon so that he can be back to feeling his normal self!
Thanks again!
AJC62
 
Hi Boston Tiger,
I know it was a shock to him especially being so young and going from a healthy person to not being able to do anything. I will let him know that I found this site and hopefully he will take advantage of it. Yes I am lucky to live in Boston and I have mentioned it a few times to him about going into Mass General but I think he wants to stick with his doctor but I'm pretty sure they are affiliated with Brigham & Women's hospital.
Thanks,
AJC62
 
Hi Mom2izzy
I just feel that he has withdrawn so much from everyone and he rarely gets in touch with me - I feel that he doesn't want to burden anyone with his illness and he probably feels "what am I going to talk about to anyone - the same old stuff - that I feel lousy" and I'm sure he doesn't want to keep talking about the same thing over and over again. I will make sure I let him know about this wonderful community - I hope to God he will be ok!
Thanks,
AJC62
 
In your boyfriend's situation, he may clam up a bit because...well because he's a man. They are supposed to be the ones who stay strong for us right? Let me be perfectly clear...I do not believe in that stereotype, but I know my husband feels that way..

I guess I will just be there for him even though it is me getting in touch - I just don't want him to think I'm bugging him.

I know that he feels so down and probably worthless.
I just hope he goes back to the way he was after surgery because he is a great guy and funny, vibrant, etc.

I think Mom2Izzy brings up a very likely possibility, and as a guy, I'm not at all offended by the stereotype either. None of us obviously know the inner workings of your relationship, Carolyn, but no matter how much perspective your boyfriend may or may not have yet on this drastic change to his life, it takes time for even the most well-adjusted people to accept and adapt to the new normal.

I joked in a thread a day or two ago how I didn't tell my wife, pregnant at the time, about my need for surgery until after it was already over. It was just a joke, but truth be told, if I'd been hit with the same news earlier in our relationship, prior to marriage, I might have had a somewhat similar reaction as your boyfriend. Perhaps he's simply trying to shield you. Perhaps he doesn't want you to be around him in a weakened state. Perhaps he's having a hard time accepting that he has no control over the situtation and will need more help from those around him than he ever could imagine. Perhaps he realizes that he needs you even more now, more than he thinks you need him. Who knows for sure, certainly not me. I can tell you a few things about heart valves, but certainly not what to expect in terms of male behavior!

In any case, he is obviously lucky to have you in his life, and hopefully he will overcome this sooner rather than later. He might not be open to your encouragement right now, but that doesn't mean he doesn't need it.

Now, just so you know, I feel completely ill at ease offering these opinions, I'm not all equipped to advise on personal relationships! By the way, I noticed that your first post said that he is "only 36". I felt the exact same way at 35. Little did I know at the time how many face this in their twenties, teens, or as a child. I had open heart surgery at 35, and looking back, I consider myself very lucky. My daily life is no different now than it was before. Everything I was capable of before, I can still do now. So, your boyfriend should be just fine. He may not fully realize it right now, but this whole experience may actually make him even "stronger". Best wishes!
 
HI EL,
Noone knows the inner workings of our relationship, true, and I'm sure you are right - it would take a well-adjusted person to adept to a new normal.
I know he is very scared and obviously doesn't want to lay all his issues on me but I told him many times that I am here for him no matter what and he said he really appreciates it but he feels he needs to deal with this on his own. And I don't want to ask him those types of questions since I don't want to make him feel burdened and stressed with something else. I do agree with you and feel that what you said is true about him not wanting to be around me while in a weakened state.

I know you aren't equipped to advise on relationships but I think you are good job advising. I really hope that he will be back to his normal self not too long after surgery.

Thanks again!
AJC62
 
FWIW, I'm originally from Boston, and frequently visit there and Cape Cod -- esp. Truro, where my Sister lives.

In the years before our Dad died at 98, we all got a "tour" of many local hospitals, both acute and rehab. Based on that experience and my Sister's, we are EXTREMELY impressed with Cape Cod General in Hyannis. None of this was for OHS, but I think trusting them to do a fine job -- or to refer the too-challenging cases elsewhere, as appropriate -- makes sense to me. If that also keeps your BF closer to his place, or family & friends, I think I'd soft-peddle the pressure to go to a Boston hospital.
 
Thank you Norm for this information - it makes me feel much better!!

Appreciate it!
 
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