I need help!

[nancym]

I've been a member for a couple of months, but mostly reading and not posting. And now I need you all. I am having aortic valve replacement, possible mitral repair and possible aortic root graft at the Cleveland Clinic on Nov 11th and I am having a cath there on Thursday. I am scared out of my mind, and I don't know how I'm going to get through all my anxiety and fear. My husband is totally non-empathetic (maybe because he's a physician and I think just sees me as another patient), and I feel terrible bitching and crying all the time to my friends. So I hope I can do that with all of you. If anyone has any tips or helpful hints to get me through this incredibly stressful time, basically on my own, I would really appreciate it. Thanks.

 

[Bina]

Nancy, I've been there, done that. Sometimes our husbands almost seem detached from us and I think it's really because they don't know how to deal with what is going on. My friends and family got tired of me stalling the surgery. At least you have got everything lined up and are in the home stretch. Keep busy stocking your freezer and making lists and notes for everyone.

Don't be shy to ask your husband to just sit with you and hold your hand.
He may only be capable of that much for now.
For the cath, just make sure to ask for a small tranq.....I was given Ativan.

 

[ShezaGirlie]

Nancy......you wouldn't be normal if you weren't scared. The cath is not that big of a deal, so not to worry about that. My cardiologist played a Lorenna McKennitt CD during my cath and I learned to love her music.

You are going to one of the very best facilities for your surgery - Cleveland Clinic and that would make most people feel secure. People come there from all over the world, so you know you'll be in good hands.

I didn't have time to fret since I was an emergency, so I'm probably not a lot of help.. I just want you to know that you're most certainly welcome to come here and bitch, moan, groan, yell or whatever you want to do and that we all "get it" since we've been in your shoes.

Oh, just want to add that the physician in our family gets really frustrated when he can't be of help -- maybe the same for your husband..

You'll get loads of good hints, advice, hugs and caring from everyone here -- stick around and you'll see...we'll help you through it.

 

[zipper2]

Nancym, firstly welcome ,glad you joined this
informative site.

iv'e had 2 caths done one 16 years ago for a aortic valve repl.
other recently for a soon 2nd heart surgery for mitral.
I'm still aroundafter caths and can't wait till 2nd surgery is done
no date yet....been told end of this month....no date.
first surgery was hard cus i didn't have this wonderful site
so wasn't informed enough....but came through it with no
problems....good your hubby's a physician cus mine isnot
and he was worse than me for wear and tear with worry.
the waiting is the hardest part of surgery though in my opinion.
it's normal to be afraid....we are human.Ask away questions
always someone to help.

zipper2 (DEB)

 

[Phyllis]

Nancy, I put you on the calendar so now it's "official" and we will all be here to help you through it and beyond. As said before, you are going to a great facility and will do just fine.

 

[Guest]

Nancy--
I am new here too, and you have found a group of the most supportive people possible.....and available 24/7!

In addition, does your hospital have any sort of heart surgery support group? They probably have a rehab group....you could show up near the end of a session and see all the survivors! One or more might be willing to answer questions and provide encouragement.

Best wishes.

Pat

 

[Kathy McCain]

Hi Nancy, You could not have come to a more supportive, and loving group! I had my aortic valve replacement surgery, Feb 12th 2008. I too, was scared out of my mind! You WILL COME THROUGH! After your recovery, you will have the worst, behind you.

I too, just did alot of reading on this blog. I waited until one, maybe two nights BEFORE my surgery to post my situation, I was soooooooo terribly scared! I could not believe the response I received, from total strangers!! It was just incredible! While I was in the hospital, my husband kept everyone informed. Again, all the love and supportive response!

You did the right thing joining this group. Please feel free to tell us anything that you are experiencing !

My prayers go out to you. Kathy M.

 

[Lionheart]

Hi Nancy!

We're here for you, you're not on your own. Everything will be alright. Being nervous is normal, but in about a month I expect you will be posting here about your experience and helping someone else. You know I've heard that aortic valve replacement is the second most common cardiac surgery after coronary bypass. This is what Cleveland Clinic does best. Hang in there, you can do this and we're here to support you.
John

 

[abbanabba]

Hi Nancy... I remember when I first found out I'd need a pulmonary valve replacement. OMG!!! I was freaking out all over the place! I've always loathed and HATED hospitals, so this was such an overwhelming thing to be told.

Personally I found the more info I had about the whole thing (the procedure, what to expect before and after, the "little" things doctors don't think to tell you about, etc) the more at ease my mind became. Some people freak out the more they know, but I find the more I know the calmer I feel (must be the control freak in me ).

Anyway, 5 years later the tables have really turned and the longer they were keeping me waiting, then more depressed and upset I was getting. The minute I got my date I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and am still on a high a week later! (sad, I know )

Still, in those early days, I found forums like this where I could vent my fears and frustrations (unlike your friends, people here can take as much or as little interest as they like) and having people to talk to who UNDERSTOOD first-hand was immeasurably helpful. We KNOW how it is to question every little symptom and second-guess yourself at every turn. It's also good to have other hobbies to take your mind off things so indulge in all the things you enjoy and try not to worry too much about the things you can't do anything about. I know this is much easier said than done, but it always help to focus on the good things in life.

Didn't mean to blather on quite so much, but I hope something here has been of help.


A : )

 

[nancym]

You guys are wonderful! I couldn't wait to get up this morning tosee if I had any replies yet. I'm a little afraid that I will freak out tomorrow waiting for my cath--I can't even bear the thoughts of the EKG. When I voice my fears to my husband, he acts like I'm crazy since he has had millions of patients go through this without complaint (of course what he doesn't understand is that he doesn't live with them and see how they are 24/7 and that when they come to him for an appt, they act like it's been a piece of cake--he's a primary care physician, so he only sees them for a 15 minutes every few months). Anyway--I'll write again after my cath tomorrow--assuming that I go through with it. It all seems very surreal, and I can't believe that this is actually happening to me.

Nancy

 

[Phyllis]

Don't chicken out- I'm sure you will find ,as almost all members do ,that it is a "piece of cake" and back here tomorrow night saying just that!

 

[ponytaila1a]

Nancy!!! I did the same thing. The cath freaked me out. It was the test I always said I would NEVER have. I got on this site in the middle of the night and found such support.
I had the cath several weeks ago and now wonder why I was so freaked! I did well so I know that you will also. Keep posting. Much support here. My husband can't talk about it he is so terrified. I need to post here just to release anxiety. I am waiting to be scheduled for a mitral valve repair at CC. My husband just wants me to "forget it, lots of people live with a heart murmur!!! PM me anytime. Jennifer

 

[kfay]

Nancy, I think that you will find like most of us who have been there, done that, that the stress of waiting before the actual surgery itself is the worst part of the whole thing. Once the day gets here, alot of us feel a sense of calm. Then it is time for your spouse to really stress while he is waiting for the surgery to be over. (I'm sure he is already stressing, just handles it differently than you). The first couple of days afterward can be really hard, but after that, it usually only gets a little better everyday.

As for the cath, for most people, it really is a non-event. Don't stress out over that if you can. If you need some help, don't hesitate to ask your Dr. for some happy pills to get you through. I had some Xanax and took it on the days that I thought I was going to explode.

Good luck to you and I'm sure you'll do just fine.

Kim

 

[EVELYN]

Hi Nancy

Welcome HOME!!! You've found a great place with tons of caring people who know of what they speak. You will do fine. First I'd like to say, YOU'RE PERFECTLY NORMAL TO BE SCARED. It's a huge surgery, but you have to focus on the positives:

You're going to a first-rate hospital. Cleveland Clinic is No. 1 as far as hearts go.

The success rate is over 98%.

You will be much better pysically when you're healthy again. Even if you don't feel "bad," you probably don't have the strength or stamina you should have for a woman your age.

Please know that we will be here to get you through this.......through the good times and the stressful ones.

Evelyn

 

[ponygirlmom]

My husband is totally non-empathetic (maybe because he's a physician and I think just sees me as another patient), and I feel terrible bitching and crying all the time to my friends.

I'll bet your friends don't think of you as someone who "bitches and cries all the time." And if I were you, I would ask one of them, rather than your husband, to accompany you to some of these pre-op tests, like the cath.

Your hospital may be able to hook you up with some individuals or a group who can support you. Before my surgery I was able to talk to two people from the hospital who had gone through valve replacement at that hospital. One was a nurse and one was an administrator. There was also a group of volunteers who had already had valve replacement surgery who came around to patient rooms being supportive. I wonder if members of a group like that might be available to you before surgery.

 

[ottagal]

welcome

welcome

Hi Nancy,

I want to wish you a warm welcome to this wonderful and supportive forum. You definitely found the right place! Good luck with your cath tomorrow and we look forward to hearing back from you. As others said, is is completely normal be scared. I found that by joining this forum and gaining more knowledge, it has really helped with my anxiety.

 

[WayneGM]

Welcome to VR. Glad you found us and decided to post. Fear is normal, but we'll talk you through it. Now that I'm on this side of the mountain I can honestly say it wasn't nearly as bad as I feared it would be.

As for the cath, it sounds worse that it really is. The procedure itself was actually uneventful and I found watching the monitor quite facinating. I was very nervous about it as it sounded awful from the description I read, but I really didn't feel a thing during the procedure. I thought the worse was when it was over and I had to lie there very still for quite some time to avoid bleeding. They had to apply pressure at the incertion point to stop the bleeding after the cath is removed and I got quite the bruise from that, which was sore for a few days, but that's about all. To be honest, I thought getting my wisdom teeth out (all 4 at once) was more traumatic. Best wishes and good luck.

 

[marie]

Welcome and you wouldn't be normal if you were not scared. I can so relate. The worst part of the cath was having to lie still after.

Soon you too will be giving support to those coming behind you but in the mean time please come over and post.

Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[Superbob]

Nancy,

Feel free to express yourself here anytime. We all have been there, done that, and we were all frightened initially. Typically, after you've read up and everything and talked to folks, you become more at peace with it all. The success rate is amazingly high. We are here and leading active lives and talking about it all, and you will, too.

Besides all that, you have a great, blessed date for surgery -- my birthday! You'll come to think of it as your re-birthday, the start of a new life -- so you'll get to celebrate two birthdays a year!

 

[Jkm7]

Nancy..... So happy you found us but sorry for the reason.

Don't sweat the cath. Most of us find the anticipation far worse than the realization. I didn't have any discomfort from it let alone pain. They gave me good meds that kept me calm and the versed blanked out so much of it. I didn't have so much as a small black and blue after.

Your DH is probably feeling far more than he is letting you see. No one takes OHS lightly and certainly not a doc. He knows you are going to one of the finest hospitals and I'm sure he is well satisfied with the surgeon you have chosen. Lots of times, docs are the worst when it comes to their own families and they themselves make the worst patients. You could certainly use his emotional support right now but you know he is there for you and will see you safely through all that comes.

This group was so amazing in teaching and helping from when I first learned I had a leaking mitral valve straight up to and through my surgery in February. That was my second OHS in four years. I don't know where I would have learned so much and been calmed if it were not for VR.com. I will never be able to say thank you enough.

If you need chemical help, get it from your cardio or PCC. If xanax will help, use it. That is why they make these drugs. Do whatever it takes to get you through this. Only those who have been there and walked the walk can fully understand. We get it. We all have had those freaking out moments. But it's funny that many of us find that when we actually walk through the hospital doors when we go for our surgeries, we find a calm. By then, we've made all the choices and have accepted it has to be done and we give ourselves up to the professionals who take such good care of us. I had both my surgeries at Mass General and I went in expecting I would be well taken care of and would come through the ordeal intact and ready to get on with my life.

You'll do fine. You're going to a great hospital with a husband who 'knows the ropes'. He'll see to it you have everything you need.