Why do you Think there is So Much Emotion?

[Jkm7]

Many of us have had surgeries through our lives for many different things totally unrelated to our heart issues.

I had two big abdominal surgeries with big, long incision. They both went well, solved the problem, I healed and got on with it with no particular emotional aspect other than a normal unease at the thought of general anesthesia and anticipation of post op pain. Normal and no big deal.

But two OHS were so different. So many emotions involved. Anxiety. Angyst. Terror. Tears. Fear. Denial. Etc etc etc

Why is it so different when we know the surgery is on our hearts vs any other part of our body? (I've not had brain surgery but I think even that would take a second place to heart surgery??)

I'm three years out from my second OHS and I still think about the vast difference with this surgery vs all others.

 

[CanoeBob]

I've experienced a few other surgeries as well, each time there was a feeling of violation I guess. It was different with my valve replacement with something entirely foreign put into my body, I think there was a period of adjustment in some unconcious primordal level; it was trying very hard to spit these new parts out, what are they doing here anyway....what happened here..somethings drastically wrong! Trama not only affects my emotions on the concious level but also my body can react very strongly to anything different too.

Bob

 

[normofthenorth]

I haven't suffered emotionally myself, but maybe the fact that many cultures link "the heart" to the seat of emotions, the soul, etc., matters -- either because the Ancients had it right(?), or because the association has been drilled into us. Anybody know if there are any human cultures that DON'T have that link? If so, I wonder if they recover from OHS without the emotional burdens. . .

Me, I'm glad it wasn't brain surgery. I've got enough neurological symptoms popping up now after my OHS (though possibly unrelated at 67 y.o., with a history of migraine), like tinnitus, flashing peripheral "golden horseshoe" at bedtime, and a brief episode of double-vision (images from two eyes wouldn't merge) last Tuesday during my 2.5-mile power-walk in my Cardio Rehab class!

Otherwise I feel remarkably healthy and "normal" at 5 months post-op. Not exactly sane or emotionally balanced, but back to my "normal".

 

[Jeff Edmonton]

If your heart stops beating "You Die"!

OHS they stop your heart on purpose, the mind has trouble comprehending this fact.

Unfortunately I have had other traumatic surgeries that compare, I was hit by a car when I was 7 yo. A 16 yo kid hit me racing down the street, I ended up with a broken femur and spent a month in hospital in traction.

I had my Elbow shattered with a baseball bat made from a 4x4 by a crazy person who was just released from jail for stabbing someone. He was a native guy getting revenge for his forefathers, it happened the day after remeberence day. I had to retrain my self and try not to think about retaliating. He pled guilty to aggravated assault and spent two years in jail, I really wanted to wait for him at the gates when he was released.

But OHS for me was especially scary as I was 49 and my mother was 49 when she died while having triple bypass surgery back in 1976. They gave her a 98 % survival rating back in 1976, I was 14 at the time and I have not cried at a funeral since. The risks of OHS are real and we walk into it reluctanly to exsist in this crazy world of ours.

"I know I'm mad, I've always been mad" Pink Floyd, -The Wall-

 

[JaneBerm]

I'm not sure where the emotion came from, but I know that I experienced it. Because I didn't have any major symptoms prior to my AVR (found in a routine exam), I was in deep denial that I even needed surgery. As a result of having little to no control over the medical procedures I was subjected to as a child, I was determined to have a say in what was happening to me this time. I had special issues since I am post polio and have had major spinal sugery, 5 adominal surgeries, and 3 hand surgeries. My heart surgeon was a highly qualified surgeon, but not the best communicator. I also had major issues with the general anesthesia that caused me to be on the vent tube for an additional 24 hours and left me with a major laser light show in my head and almost no ability to concentrate for more than 10 minutes. I tried to talk through some of my issues with my surgeon beforehand, but he just blew me off and even proudly announced during grand rounds immediately after surgery when I still had the vent and later couldn't yet really speak well, "Look at her, all she wanted to do was talk before suregery. Now she doesn't have anything to say!" If I could have gotten up then and there, I would have gladly given it back to him!

Emotionally I was a wreck, and physically this surgery took a much bigger toll than any of the others. It took me over a year to be able to speak about it and in retrospect I think I should have gone into counseling. I found myself in tears many times during this period and I'm convinced that much of that emotion was a result of the anger I had pent up inside and the physical impact of OHS. I've actually had 2 minor surgeries and one major one since my AVR two years ago, and didn't experience any emotional issues after any of them. Yes, I'm sure OHS is an emotional rollercoaster and I will look to counseling if I ever have to do this again.

 

[dick0236]

If your heart stops beating "You Die"!

-

The heart is the engine of the body....and it constantly lets us know, thru beating, that our existence depends on its continued beating. Many other organs can fail and you still live. Some organs have backups, and you can lose one and still live. Thank God that it is a big muscle that is fairly easy to repair....at least that is what the docs told me prior to my OHS...and I "bought what they were selling".....but it is a big leap of faith to go thru this surgery.....even tho you are almost certain to "come out the other side".

 

[OldManEmu]

My only emotion was Anxiety, am I going to come out of this worse than when I went in. I believe I would feel the same with brain surgery.
Having experienced class IV heart failure I was far more concerned about dying that way than just not waking up from surgery.

 

[Jkm7]

I agree with you, OldManEmu.

I was more worried I would not come out of both my OHS intact but would survive with severe disability.
I was very fearful of living in a low quality of life condition.
My preference would have been to die on the table.... not that we get to choose.

 

[Bina]

My family history is awful and I watched my Mom go through repeated surgeries until she passed away at age 69.
It was so painful to see my Mom and Dad go through what they did. Dad is now 80 and is a fighter, but I am not.
I'm super sensitive, easily anxious, and always worrying....didn't want to be a burden on my family either; but
the OHS was finally done, my recovery was crappy, and I'm still here to type like crazy and play games on FB.
Some people can block out emotions easier, or maybe have thicker skin, but this OHS stuff is not for weenies.
My soul food comes from doing volunteer computer work for animal rescue. God's little critters need help too.

 

[Bryan B]

I think I went through all the stages of grief before my first OHS. As for the 2nd one, I had to fight so hard to get financial assistance that once I got it I actually felt a sense of relief. I do have to admit that once I got the assistance I thought to myself...uh oh now I have to go through it, but the emotional aspect was not as strong as before the first one.

Having said that I seem to struggle more with the emotional aspect of it after the surgery for several months. I don't know if it is PTS, if it's the feeling of helplessness for a period of time, or if it is just a normal chemical release after your heart has been cut on. After the first surgery it went away once I got a job and went back to living a reasonably normal life. But after the first one and also this recent one I can have just about anything move me to tears.

 

[Jkm7]

It's the quickness for tears welling that still is a part of my life. It takes little for me to get teary. I don't think it ever left me after my first surgery but I'm three years post op the second and seem to still be quick to tear up. Not outright sobbing but moist eyes.

Thanks everyone who shared comments. Only those of us who have been there can 'get it'.

 

[Michelle D]

I feel the same way, I believe it has such a great impact on our emotions because our heart is our life force, we get angry at our hearts for behaving improperly but we have to love it because without it we wouldn't be here.

 

[Jkm7]

Funny but I was never angry about needing either surgery. I never felt the 'why me' some folks speak of. It was more the anxiety of facing and getting through it. The resolution of knowing, the second time, what recovery would involve and how long it takes to get to the maximum recovery each of us will achieve. I disliked the 'interruption' to our lives but I wasn't angry. I did worry a lot about the burden I could become to my DH and that was the hardest part for me...... to survive but have low quality of life.

Why me? Why not me? It was a wash in that regard...... for me.
I grew up knowing I have a huge family history of heart issues. I think I always expected it to one day be me though I never actively thought about it.

 

[johnp]

I was not nervous going into heart surgery. I knew all the details about the procedure, about the bypass, I discussed the technical details with my surgeon. I had such a long history of heart issues, and it was such a scary and frustrating process for years getting to the point where there was agreement I needed surgery, that I welcomed it. I was not really nervous waiting to be rolled into the operating room. They gave me an ativan (anti anxiety). i didn't need it but after a few minutes I took it - kinda like if someone orders you a drink. I gave another one to my wife, who looked like she needed it more. I joked with the people in the Operating Room and told them they needed to run more "happy meds" thru my IV. Last thing I remember was the Anthes saying "ok, well you will feel this additional dose." I woke up in recovery and felt great. I asked the nurse where the "tip jar" was, because things felt so good, I wanted to throw a few bucks in there. My wife was so pleased to see me joking with the surgeosn and nurses, she said she did the "happy dance," back to the hotel room we had booked.

 

[Bryan B]

What is the name of your surgeon because I want him next time.

I felt like I was run over by a truck after both of my surgeries, but I have to admit by the time I got my chest tubes out both times (became untethered) besides the sternum I felt ok (still not good though lol).

BTW how did you ask the nurse where the "tip jar" was while still on the ventilator or was this later on? Now while on "the good stuff" while in ICU I didn't feel good but I also really didn't care too much. There is no telling what I said to the nurse that night, but I am sure she was used to hearing some pretty funny stuff from her patients during that period.

 

[camgough]

I had no idea I needed OHS until May18, 2010 and was in surgery July 9, 2010 at 30 yrs old. Very stressed before surgery, but don't remember day of, and have mixed emotions since. The stress and anxiety during all phases of OHS impacts everyone involved.

 

[johnp]

I had the DaVinci procedure for valve repair. There was no ventilator hooked up when I woke up in the recovery area. I was coherent, but I did fall asleep again and woke up in ICU where I stayed the night before going to a step down (PCU).

In summary, I experienced so much hell for years that I looked forward to surgery.

 

[geckley]

It's the quickness for tears welling that still is a part of my life. It takes little for me to get teary. I don't think it ever left me after my first surgery but I'm three years post op the second and seem to still be quick to tear up. Not outright sobbing but moist eyes.

Thanks everyone who shared comments. Only those of us who have been there can 'get it'.

Haven't been here in a while and been having these feelings ALOT lately. I'm sreaming towards my 3rd year of my replacement surgery and my 6th since my repair and I am still very very emotional. This has all been compounded by other events that have seemed to amplify my already fragile state. I don't want this to sound wrong but I'm glad I'm not alone.

 

[Julian]

I agree with you, OldManEmu.

I was more worried I would not come out of both my OHS intact but would survive with severe disability.
I was very fearful of living in a low quality of life condition.
My preference would have been to die on the table.... not that we get to choose.

I hear you loud and clear on this one. It gives me peace that you and Emu are okay even though you had the same fears as I do.

 

[WandaW]

Thank you for sharing, I am about 16 weeks post OHS, back to work and still struggling with feeling very flat. I am getting better with energy every week and still do Cardiac Rehab 2x a week,but am frustrated with not being able to do the things I used to do to relieve stress. I really miss mowing the lawn. I weeded my vegtable garden on Sat and may have done alittle too much as I was very wiped out on Sunday. They telll me next summer will be better and I can hardly wait.