What in tarnation was I thinking..?!!!

[abbanabba]

OK, so here I am 2 weeks (today!) away from my PVR and what did I do last night? Well I was sitting up watching a bit of TV and noticed there was a show on called "Surgery Saved My Life" which was all about 2 kids with congentital defects - one of which was an infant about to undergo correction of the arteries for TGA, and the other a 16 y/o girl about to undergo a PVR (who also had a funky back-to-front heart on the right side of her chest).

SOOOOO.... I thought I might just sit up and watch it Funny thing is, while one part of my brain was asking What the hell are you doing? Are you CRAZY?!!! Like you need more graphic stuff like that after the freaky dreams you've been having!! The rest of my brain was thinking Oh get a grip! This could be really interesting - I might actually learn something! And hey - when's the last time you ever saw one of these stories where things went wrong?

Anyway, normally I am super-squeamish when it comes to these kinds of shows (I'm like a scardey-cat at a horror show, hiding my eyes behind my hands), but for some reason I was able to watch the whole thing without a problem. It was really weird! And rather than provoking any anxiety I might have had, I actually found it had much the opposite effect.

Meanwhile I'm almost a bit worried about how calm and relaxed I am about the whole impending surgery. Perhaps the 5 year wait has been a blessing in disguise, because I KNOW back then I would have been an absolute jibbering mess, huddled in a corner by this stage of proceedings. Hell - even 2 years ago I think I'd be starting to freak out a bit by now... although I'm fully expecting that once I'm admitted to the hospital my nerves will probably start to give out - but for now.... all is very zen.



A : )

 

[Mary]

Zen is good! Long may it last!

 

[Jkm7]

Most of us find that once we enter the doors of the hospital, a calm comes over us. It certainly did for me. It was like I ceded myself over to the professionals and did as I was instructed.

For us, of course, this is monumental...... to them, it is all in a day's work. That's just the way I wanted them to feel about it. Routine.

 

[aussigal]

Good on you Anna...I saw that show too and am just amazed and blown away by it all. Actually I couldn't help but wonder why they are planning to keep putting tissue valves in the young lady...it must have something to do with her condition. I would have thought they would go mechanical next time 'round instead of having her front up every 5-10 yrs forever for a re-do.

I watched a video of an AVR the day before I went in for mine...everybody at home thought I was crazy but I couldnt take my eyes of the screen....I was fascinated...It did help to see just how confident and capable these surgeons are and how calmly they adress any irregularities etc...

You will do fine girl...I just know it. Us Aussies are tough!

 

[Woodbutcher]

Zen and the art of Heart surgery ! You should write the book ! I'm impressed with your pragmatic and calm aproach to your surgery. I keep finding myself hovering over the Heart op videos and valve noise comparrisons etc kind of half watching and half listening, wanting to watch and not wanting to all at the same time... But as JKM says the "all in a days work" images are very encouraging.

 

[skeptic49]

I've watched some AVRs online...I found them quite interesting...I think there is something strangely calming about having seen these things. Perhaps it's that it takes the mystery out of it and therefore the whole thing becomes less frightening. Good post, Anna. Like you I'm coming up on five years since I first found out about my AS. It's an interesting road we travel.

JIm

 

[njean]

Hang in there Anna & keep your cool! You've waited a long time for this & I know you will do just fine when it's done & overwith!

 

[catwoman]

Good luck with your surgery!

BTW, I've probably seen the same show. At least one, if not both, of the girls had surgery at the children's hospital in Little Rock AR, if my memory is correct.
The 16YO girl is into sports, so I'm sure that's why yet another tissue valve was selected.

 

[Ross]

Hon my wife wanted to drop me off in front of the hospital while she parked the car. I said no way, if you drop me off, I'll boldt and this will never happen. I had to have her walk behind me through the doors of the hospital, then once inside, I started to calm down considerably. Once your through the doors, it's as if your mind and body say, Fine, there is no turning back and this is real, get it done.

 

[Bina]

Pre-op there was no zen for me....and I didn't watch any videos.
Now that I survived, I've watched a few ops from the Toronto Sick childrens Hospital. INteresting stuff!

 

[abbanabba]

I saw that show too and am just amazed and blown away by it all. Actually I couldn't help but wonder why they are planning to keep putting tissue valves in the young lady...it must have something to do with her condition. I would have thought they would go mechanical next time 'round instead of having her front up every 5-10 yrs forever for a re-do.

I've probably seen the same show. At least one, if not both, of the girls had surgery at the children's hospital in Little Rock AR, if my memory is correct.
The 16YO girl is into sports, so I'm sure that's why yet another tissue valve was selected.

Yes, that does sound like the same show. I might be wrong (probably!) but for some reason I thought they were replacing her pulmonary valve, which is why they were using the tissue option.

It was really interesting though (and very validating) hearing the surgeon explain that if his heart had to suddenly take on the same workload that hers was currently under, that he would drop dead of a heart attack! I told my BF this line and said see - I AM really working hard No wonder I'm so tired after a day of bludging on the couch!

Zen and the art of Heart surgery ! You should write the book !

Hey that's a great idea (and title!) Do you promise to buy a copy? In the meantime I've had a good 5 years to develop my "pragmatic and calm" approach! If you had seen what a total baby I was a few years back (before all the blood tests, and MRIs, and dopplers, and ECGs, and everything else ) you would have seen just how pathetic and anxious I really was! I mean, I threw up during a high school visit to a blood bank just because it reminded me of a hospital!! I've come a loooooonnnnnng way! (and seriously, things are seldom as bad as your imagination makes them out to be)

Hon my wife wanted to drop me off in front of the hospital while she parked the car. I said no way, if you drop me off, I'll boldt and this will never happen. I had to have her walk behind me through the doors of the hospital, then once inside, I started to calm down considerably.

Ironically I think it's not going to be worrying about the surgery that gets me all anxious and upset... but rather worrying about my BF worrying about me! I think I'd probably do much better if I was left to catch a bus to the hospital and deal with it on my own, but I can't see that happening I'm one of those people when upset find people consoling and reassuring me even more upsetting... I'd rather be told to toughen up and get over it and then be left alone! (but them I am a strange little creature )


Meanwhile, I found the whole DRAMATISATION of these kids surgery strangely amusing. It was almost like if the surgeons so much looked at their hearts the wrong way they would spontaneously explode all over the ceiling!!! Not to make light of the subject, but OMG - talk about being OTT about the whole thing. Puh-leeeze!!


A : )

 

[Bina]

I know what you mean....before OHS I told my hubby and daughter where the important papers were in the file cabinet, and I left pages of notes to feed the pets and run the house while I was gone; whether it would be for one week or forever (!) Hubby kept it together, but I know that inside he was a mess, poor guy.
No long good-byes, just "See you tomorrow."

 

[Marguerite53]

It sounds like you have entered the Zen Zone. Many of us do. Think about the center of your being and how this new feeling feels...I mean really.... in your stomach area. Feel it. Know it. Then, when you are walking into the hospital in 2 weeks, call upon that feeling so that you "don't feel like bolting" like Ross (and the rest of us!! )

It's all good, sweetie. You are right in this feeling. You will be fine.

Best wishes to you!

Marguerite

 

[aussigal]

Youre right Anna...it was the pulmonary valve, gees, makes me glad mines only an aortic valve and I could go the mechanical option....i

If your hospital is anything like mine they will have you admitted the day before. That night they gave me 2 sleeping tablets and the next thing I knew about I was waking up and it was all over...I do not even remeber the morning of my OHS...good drugs those!...actually, I got the "bonus emergency surgery package deal" including a 5 day drug induced coma... so that might have something to do with my lack of memory. I have this eerie photo of myself with a big smile taken the night beofre my surgery...I was totally confident everything would be fine...and it was (eventually).

Now go indulge in some Haighs' choccy its very zen too...'cos after surgery it will taste like cr@p for weeks...it took me months to enjoy the taste of a Tim-Tam again...how sad is that?!...LOL...


Marsha...yes it was Little Rock AK...she is a wonder that young lady, heart backwards and on wrong side , she is a true champion...the other story was about a little boy...brand new bub who had transposition of the great arteries.

 

[abbanabba]

Youre right Anna...it was the pulmonary valve, gees, makes me glad mines only an aortic valve and I could go the mechanical option

You know... in a way I'm kind of glad I don't have to worry about having the option. I sleep really badly most the time and I reckon if I had a mechanical clicking away it would seriously do my head in. I'm hoping the day is not too far off that they can manufacture a living tissue valve from our own stem cells that has the ability to regenerate and won't ever need replacing. If I'm looking at this sort of downtime for my future PVRs it's really going to chew a big hole in the time I want to use living life (although I rather suspect that now we've started this cycle that next time they will operate in a far timelier manner).

Meanwhile, I'm more of a Lindt girl... but I'm thinking of planning a very indulgent birthday dinner next weekend to make up for the 10th. There's definitley going to be a cookies & cream cheesecake and a bottle of sparkling red (man I miss those great Margaret River chardonnays!) and perhaps a lovely roast pork with LOTS of lovely crispy crackling and lashings of homemade gravy...!!!! Might as well go for broke!

And yeah, I'll be admitted on the 9th, so I'm already planning for the drugs You'll have to let me know what they gave you!! I've never had any sleeping drugs work that well.. although I seem to have a ridiculously high tolerance to pretty much most drugs, so the anaesthetist had better LISTEN CLOSELY when I tell him that. I don't want to be waking up halfway through

Maybe I can smuggle in a bottle of good scotch


A : )

 

[Freddie]

With my SO sitting beside me as my anesthetist came to introduce himself I, distinctly remember telling him "make sure you give me the "good" stuff.....cause I don't want to be waking up half way through" he snickered and my SO just shook his head in disbelief. I sure made heads turn from the other patients in this 'holding room' with that comment
You have the right attitude, you'll be fine.

 

[The English Patient]

A quiet is a blessing...enjoy it.

 

[offwego]

hate to say it but I freak myself out sometimes reading this site...I have to be very careful what I watch and read...I tend to obsess and have to walk the line carefully between getting the right information and too much information!