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Ross

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 15, 2001
Messages
25,981
Location
On The Hot Seat
Three women: one engaged, one married and one a mistress, are chatting over lunch and the conversation turns to their relationships. They decided that night to surprise their men.. All three would wear a black leather bra and thong, stiletto heels, and a mask over their eyes.

A few days later they meet up for lunch.

The engaged woman: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, "You are the woman of my dreams. I love you." Then we made love all night long.

The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather outfit, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex for hours.

The married woman: I sent the kids to stay at my mother's house for the night. When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. He walked in the door, looked at me and said, "What's for dinner, Batman?"
 
A husband was in BIG trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary.

"Tomorrow," his wife angrily told him, "there had better be something in

our driveway that goes from zero to 200 in two seconds flat!"

The next morning,

the wife looked outside and saw a small package in the driveway.

She brought it inside, opened it ... and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Funeral services for her husband have been set for Saturday
 
Okay heres one--

THE NOTE ON THE REFRIGERATOR READ:

My Darling Wife,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54
years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value
you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you
will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with
my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset
and I shall be home before midnight.
Roger

When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the
dining room table:


My Dear Husband,
I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I
would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you
know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.
Sybil
 
The older couple go to the Doc, and the doc examines the husband first.
Everything seems fine, so he asks the husband if sex is still good and if he has any questions.

"In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex with my wife I am usually hot and sweaty,
and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually cold and chilly."

Surprised he can still do it twice, the Doc then sees the wife.
After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said, "Everything appears to be fine.
Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"
The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.

The doctor then said to her: "Your husband had an unusual concern.
He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex with you the
first time, and then cold and chilly after the second time.
Do you know why?"

"Crazy old fart," she replied.
"That's because the first time is usually in July and the second time is in December."
 
This one stays on my fridge :D

Wife vs Husband

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word. An eariler discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted
to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband
asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep" the wife replied, "in-laws."
 
AWWWWWW Ross it's Baby Freddie in the pot
Move the knife away AHHHHHHHH her fingers:eek::eek::p


zipper2 (DEB)
 
The older couple go to the Doc, and the doc examines the husband first.
Everything seems fine, so he asks the husband if sex is still good and if he has any questions.

"In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex with my wife I am usually hot and sweaty,
and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually cold and chilly."

Surprised he can still do it twice, the Doc then sees the wife.
After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said, "Everything appears to be fine.
Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"
The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.

The doctor then said to her: "Your husband had an unusual concern.
He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex with you the
first time, and then cold and chilly after the second time.
Do you know why?"

"Crazy old fart," she replied.
"That's because the first time is usually in July and the second time is in December."

*Thanks Bina.....that made me laugh out loud.....brilliant !!! :cool:
 
How many words?

How many words?

How many words?

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a while. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. They went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, property, living arrangements, and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
'What about sex?' he enquired, rather nervously.
'I would like it infrequently' she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered with a wistful smile:



'Is that one word, or two?
 
picture.php
 
Skeptica--That really is sad.
Sorry ,I'm an environmentalist and get weepy easy.
 
How many words?

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a while. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. They went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, property, living arrangements, and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
'What about sex?' he enquired, rather nervously.
'I would like it infrequently' she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered with a wistful smile:



'Is that one word, or two?

That'll work for me! :D
 
IS UNDERWEAR IMPORTANT?


From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story
of a Crestview couple, who drove their car to Wal Mart only to have
their car break down in the parking lot.

The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the
car in the lot.

The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car.
On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under
the chassis.

Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private
parts into glaringly public ones.

Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward,
quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.

On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself
staring at her husband who was standing idly by.

The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.
 

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