In a funk...is this normal?

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jojofromct

jojofromct

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 25, 2007
Messages
235
Location
Connecticut
So, my dads surgery is next Tuesday, wow a week from tomorrow. The past few weeks I have been in a funk, I dont want to clean or cook or do anything. I feel bad for my husband, He is understanding but I know he is missing the old me. I cant seem to get it together. My mind starts doing the WHAT IFS and I dont want to do anything. I am going to work and actually working, I have to, but other than that, I am a lump on a log.

I want to be strong for my mom next week, I know I can be. BUT I have been letting myself go. I am not even putting on makeup for work today...Is this normal? I havent grocery shopped in 2 weeks, just picking up odds and ends and been sending my hubby to work with lunch money.

Anyone experience this kind of funk? I was with my parents yesterday, and they are doing BETTER than me!!! My dad is in great spirits, and my mom is holding it down as well.
 
My dear, I keep telling you things will be fine, but your not going to settle down and until it's over and it's proven he's fine. I guess Hubster is going to have to deal with this for a couple more weeks and so are thee.
 
I know, ugh...I hate to turn it on me too, I am not even the patient. I just want to try a little harder to function...Its affecting my marriage and the dust in my house too. Ross, you so great! Always make me feel better!;)
 
I've been in your situation, I know how you feel. Here's what I have done in the past.

You have to be an actress, especially to yourself. When you get up, go to the mirror, look at yourself and smile. Then tell your image that things will work out just fine. Then take a good look, and say to yourself, "You're a mess! You need some makeup because you are a pretty gal." Then go and do that and fix your hair.

Looking bad won't help your dad at all. They are totally unrelated things. So there is no excuse to let yourself go.

Put on a nice outfit and get ready to face the day.

Make it your goal for the first hour to have positive thoughts, remembering that you can only think of one thing at a time. Banish the dark thoughts that enter your mind. Maybe even say to yourself, "Get out!" Then think of a sunny day and fun times you've had.

Kiss your husband and tell him you love him and you are going to make a huge effort to not let things get out of control. It will make you feel good to say that and will make him feel good as well.

Then make it your goal for the rest of the day to have positive thoughts.

Take it this way, one day at a time. It requires the strongest will you have to do this. But you are strong, you have your dad's genes. You have the power to not let this rule your life. You are entitled to have a good life no matter what.

Really, nothing has changed with you except that you are letting your emotions run out of control, and the good thing is that you recognize this. So you have the power to stop it. Actually, ONLY you have the power to stop it.

Your dad is going to have his surgery. Nothing can stop that. He is doing this to get better. All good stuff. Nothing bad there at all.

Sure he'll be sore for a while, and will be in recovery. But then he'll be feeling better.

Stay strong!
 
It's tough on the patient I know that first hand. But after watching what my wife has gone through while I was in the hospital and then the 2 weeks after I was home. I realized how much stress your loved ones are under. With all my wife did I don't think I could have possibly held it together as well asshe did. By the way our house is just starting to come back together. Cleaning house was almost a non issue. We hope to have all the dust bunnies rounded up into corals by the end of next week.
 
I seriously think people underestimate how difficult it is for the families and loved ones of the patient. I know my BF was having a MUCH harder time with all the "what ifs" than me and I all I could do was to try and keep his mind off it by staying really positive myself and orchestrating as many distractions and fun things for us to do together as possible.

Personally I find if I'm feeling really down and flat, putting on a bit of make-up, dressing up nicely and forcing myself to make the effort really helps to pick up my mood. If I start slothing out and sitting in my PJs with my hair looking a mess it only makes me feel worse and exacerbates that blah feeling. Perhaps you could also put on some of your favourite up-beat music to help motivate you with the housework, or go for a good hard walk to clear your head of those negative thoughts.

Whatever happens, you stressing yourself into a funk isn't going to help your dad, so try and reinvest that negative energy into something positive. Meanwhile hang in there and don't be too hard on yourself. In fact take some time to treat yourself and take your mind off your worries.


A x
 
Well, you've heard the voices of the experts,
now put on a Happy Face and push those "What If's"
out of your mind with Positive Thoughts of how much
better your Dad will be with his new Fixed Heart!

(and while you are looking for something to occupy your mind, please shorten your "location line" in your personal file... as we learned recently from another member, a LONG Location Line pushes your post border out beyond the edges of our computer screens).

There, see, you CAN push those 'what if's' out of your mind :)

YOU can do it.

Best Wishes from the sunny (soon to be frozen) South.

'AL Capshaw'
 
Ross, Nancy, Geckley, abbanabba and Al Capshaw - Thank you so much. You really are amazing people. I mean that from the bottom of my heart! I am going towork today and putting on make up and heels. AND Al, I am fixing my profile, sorry about that.
 
JoJo, I'm so glad you are feeling better. Isn't this place wonderful? :D

I just wanted to add that I went through a very similar circumstance with my own father 11 years ago. He had a triple by-pass and survived it just fine (he had actually driven himself to the doctor the day he had a mild heart-attack saying he thought he should have it checked out! Needless to say, he didn't get to drive himself home! :p) i am an only child and very, very close to my father. He was 77 at the time and only just recently passed away at age 88. He was physically very healthy that whole time (except for the unfortunate onset of Alzheimer's which eventually brought him down). He got through that major surgery just fine. He lived alone, close to us, and so I was his driver and nurse after surgery. I remember driving down the highway looking over at him as I brought him home (and he was still very fuzzy from all the meds we get) and telling him how great it was to have him sitting there, that I hadn't been ready to be without him. He laughed at me and said, "well, hell... did you think I was ready to go?"

So I guess what I'm getting at, is, have some faith in the strength of your father's determination to get through this just fine. You have trusted him all of your life, I bet.... you can surely trust him on this one, too!

Emotional ups and downs are not only normal, they are very forgivable in the face of such large and looming life events. So go easy on yourself if you wander through this next week a little differently from most. Love is your guide and it is being tested in an unusual way.

Best wishes from one Daddy's girl to another ;)

Marguerite
 
The funk

The funk

Just think of how wonderful it is that your dad will have many more years with you! He'll be fine. My daughter just told me the other day how what kept her calm when I had my surgery was that she knew it would "fix" my heart so I could be around a lot longer.:)
Viki
 
Glad you are feeling better too JoJo. Before my sons surgery, i re-decorated some of the rooms in my house, organized him a suprise party anything i could find really to take my mind off things. It wasn't easy but i got through it some how. You will find after surgery when your dad is recovering, although it is not a easy thing to do, it is not half as bad as you think it will be. Once you get over the horrible waiting bit you will understand. Its natural to be scared and i'm sure i will be a wreck again when my son as his third surgery but we are not alone, as you know from here. So try to take care of yourself all the best.
 
your dad will be fine. so will you. It's the fear and pressure getting to you. the patient's family will suffer more than he will. that's pretty much a fact. he is in good hands while you are hanging out there somewhere - just waiting. We can only reassure you that this, too, will pass. we are here when you want to unload and that's 24/7. Wishing you well and blessins...........
 
These posts are getting better and better, Thank you so much for being so supportive. It means so much to me.
 
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