I wish I never lived

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Lily

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Duncanjo, there seem to be a lot of good suggestions written to you. I don't know what else to say except that I feel for you.
 

MarkU

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Jul 22, 2001
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Nobody ever said life was fair. Feeling sorry for yourself isn't going to solve anything.
Lots of folks here have had it a lot worse than you and have gotten on with their lives in very positive ways.
Give it some time, you'll figure something out.
Mark
 

jax

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May 7, 2009
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Green Springs, ohio
Duncan:

I am sure that it is difficult to deal with a career change from your heart condition. But, you need to look at the bright side of things. You are still alive! Being a cop doesn't define you as a person. It is only a career. It may be a great career but that isn't all it is. I am a just more than a year out from surgery. And my life is completely different than what it was before I knew that I had a heart problem. But, everyday I am thankful that surgery was possible and that I am still here with my family. Yeah I have a lot more limitations than I did before. But you have to learn to live with them and be thankful that you still have a life to live. My uncle was born with a hole in his heart and over the years has had atleast 3 ohs's that I know of. And I can tell you one thing he has never let it stop him. His is one of the most upbeat people I know. I am sure that he has his down days but you would never know it. He has had a difficult life ( and I am sure that is putting it mildly.) At least you were able to have the career of your choice for awhile. If his dream was to be a cop he never would have been able to fulfill that dream. Hope everything works out for you but remember there is so much to be thankful for and you need to think about the things that are more important in your life. Your family and friends, the fact that you can spend hopefully many years with them or the fact your were a police officer for your job. If you ask me family and friends and being able to live to see my son grown is far more important to me than any job I could possibly have.
 

JohnnyV51

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Joined
Jul 6, 2010
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Near St.Louis, mo
Don't think you'll get much sympathy for the "wish I'd never lives" statement. None of us chose to have heart issues. If I'd have died 5 years ago I'd have missed out on two beautiful grandaughters who are the loves of my life. If I'd have never lived? Come on now. I wish all I had was a pacemaker/defib holding me back. You can choose to let this Own you or you can get on with living. You've been given a gift my friend. Every morning you wake and put your feet on the floor is a bonus day in my opinion. Doctors don't have the option of considering your previous work.

No one is here to pick on you but you do sound like you need a dose of tough love. I was used to working two jobs and now I'm retired on disability. I'm far worse off than you. I hope you get some guidance and realize you've had something given and not taken away. Peace

J
 

hensylee

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Jun 10, 2001
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snowy - Sharpsburg, Ga USA
Doing what you love is the best medicine so we know you are just devastated. My grandson is just like you; he just loves being a law enforcement officer and I can't imagine what he would do if he found himself in your shoes. I hope you are able to find a new spot where you will feel you belong. Maybe a desk job in the department? Surely your experience could be very valuable in your chosen profession. I pray you will be able to see daylight soon. Blessins.........
 

duncanjo

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Joined
Apr 21, 2008
Messages
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Location
Ontario, Canada
Yes, I'm still here reading the posts. Thanks for the advise I will take it and use it. I should of used better words to express my anger.. I was just upset when i wrote this very upset and mad at everything and anyone. I will pull threw this because im just that kind of person a survivor. thanks for everyones advise even the guy who told me i was going "off deep end" never mind deep end iii come over there and show you the deep end buddy. But thanks for everyone advise. Somebody upstairs kept me live for something i just have to find that something. Thanks
 

Nancy

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Jun 10, 2001
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Location
upstate New York
Sounds like you are in a better place now emotionally, and I believe you will find a golden opportunity made just for you. You have so much to offer and you are now better physically, in spite of the defibrillator. Wishing you all the best.

It's not so much about what happens to us in life, it's how we deal with it. Everyone on the planet has something happen in their life that wasn't planned and isn't welcome. We just have to muddle through the bad times and go on with life.
 

AgilityDog

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Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
1,637
Location
North Texas
From the post-surgical instruction manual:

"• Do not drive, bowl, play tennis, lift weights, golf, ride a
bicycle, go hunting or fishing for at least one month
after your procedure. (If you do start hunting one month
after your procedure, do not rest the butt of the rifle on
your ICD)."

Don't be totally discouraged.
They NEVER said I could not continue to hunt after getting my ICD. Setting off the device was never mentioned, and my electrocardiophysiologist knows I train retrievers for fun.

I've shot handguns and shotguns (granted, popper shells for retriever training, but they'll blow up a watermelon at 20 feet) and had no problems.
 

MarkU

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Joined
Jul 22, 2001
Messages
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Location
Sarasota, FL
Yes, I'm still here reading the posts. Thanks for the advise I will take it and use it. I should of used better words to express my anger.. I was just upset when i wrote this very upset and mad at everything and anyone. I will pull threw this because im just that kind of person a survivor. thanks for everyones advise even the guy who told me i was going "off deep end" never mind deep end iii come over there and show you the deep end buddy. But thanks for everyone advise. Somebody upstairs kept me live for something i just have to find that something. Thanks
Whoa, dude. Totally inappropriate comment. If you bothered to read Al's entire post he was trying to be helpful and suggest some options to you. I think you owe him an apology.

As others have said, none of us chose to be here. We all have had our problems and heartbreaks, but thank God we're still here. Every day on this Earth is a blessing.

At least you got to pursue your dream career, if even for a few years. That's more than a lot of people here got to do, including me.

You've obviously still got anger issues. Get some help if you need it, but get over it and get on with things. If you really do consider yourself to be a "survivor", then do something to prove it.

Mark
 

Marcia58

Well-known member
Joined
May 28, 2009
Messages
446
Location
Northern Indiana, US
duncanjo,

Do you mind sharing what type of defibrillator you have. I don't know about all the iCD makers, but I did contact St. Joseph Medical, and they said shooting a handgun WOULD NOT set off one of their ICDs! If you're willing to share the make and model info, I'd be glad to research it for you. Or if you'd rather, I can give you the contact info for your ICD maker.

By the way, who gave you that information about ICDs and handguns? If it was your employer using it as a reason for dismissal, and if your manufacturer has the same answer as St. Joseph ("Handguns, not a problem."), then I'd say you might be looking at a full-blown case of discrimination, and it may be time to consider official recourse.

Marcia
 

Bryan B

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Joined
Jan 16, 2004
Messages
1,860
Location
NC
thanks for everyones advise even the guy who told me i was going "off deep end" never mind deep end iii come over there and show you the deep end buddy
Mark,

I think he may have been talking about my offer to take the next plane to where he lives and switch places with him.

:D

But I think he's alright with it now that he realizes that all of our lives have been affected by the crappy cards we have been dealt when we acquired heart disease (whether it was yesterday or from birth). Having been playing some online poker (for play money) I have found that you either hope to make a bad hand better or you wait for a better hand to come along. Either way you don't fold and quit...where's the fun in that? I have done the same thing as him after finding out bad news...needing to let out a really good rant and hoping people will understand that I just needed to get it off of my chest. It sounds like Duncan got a good mixture of tough love and caring advice. Probably just what the doctor ordered.
 

Lily

Premium Level User
Joined
Oct 18, 2009
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. . . thanks for everyones advise even the guy who told me i was going "off deep end" never mind deep end iii come over there and show you the deep end buddy. . .
I didn't find this offensive; but I thought you meant it with at least a bit of a dry sense of humor. Humor is healing.
I'm really glad that you are a survivor and that you are feeling better :)
 
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