Hi Significant others

[Nancy]

Let me be among the first to join this forum.

For those who don't know, I'll give a brief history, for those who have heard this before, forgive my repetition.

My husband Joe had rheumatic fever as a teenager. He is now 70 years old. He's had 3 open heart surgeries, 2 through the sternum and a repair through the side, minimally invasive.He has an aortic and mitral valve replacement, both mechanical, the aortic is Bjork-Shiley (1977), the mitral is St. Jude (1999). He has had a recent repair on the mitral valve for a small leak (2001).

He also has a pacemaker and has had 2 lung surgeries, one for a benign tumor and one for scar tissue which caused his lung to partially collapse.

We've both been through so much, in the past several years with his various heart related and other symptoms, his post-op recoveries, and have learned a great deal. If I can be of help to any other significant other, I'll be very happy to share my experiences with you. Feel free to ask away. I can probably relate to most of what you're feeling.

The most wonderful thing is that you have this website to guide you through the whole process. The people here are friendly, and very, very knowledgeable.

 

[LUVMyBirman]

Hi Nancy!

This is perfect, isn't it?

Michelle, Hank's wife is a genius!

Can't promise you all that my husband will visit...but he may surprise you one of these days.

Hope yourself and Joe will join us at the next reunion!

All the best,

 

[CristiD]

Wow Nancy, I guess you are a pro at being the supportive spouse! Fortunatly, so far, my Rob has only had one surgery. He was an extremely healthy 49 year old the morning of his ascending aortic dissection. I was 39. We have been together for 22 years, no children. He worked out religiously every day, ate a good diet, and had little if any body fat. So, when this happened everyone who knows him could not believe it! That includes me. I am still very emotional about that day even after 1 1/2 years. I will always relive the docs telling me to say good bye to him. I kept his sweaty t-shirt that he had on wrapped around my neck all day. Just breathing in his scent and sending him all my strength. At times, I find it difficult to cope with his emotional state and mine. I cannot fully understand the fear he must be living with and when I try to I sometimes experience a feeling of guilt, that maybe I should be doing more to make his life fuller. He is very healthy right now and we live very full lives, thank god, but in his case it is an ongoing condition. I guess you just keep on going the best you can. I met some of the great people from this site over the weekend in Nashville and in with all the fun times, they all share a bond. I felt part of that also. I am grateful to Hank and Michelle for including the significant others. I think this forum will be helpful to me in the future.

Cristi, wife of Robthatsme

 

[Nancy]

Hi Cristi

Hi Cristi

Hi Cristi-

It must have been petrifying to have Rob's condition happen so suddenly. No time whatsoever to prepare. I applaud your spirit!

You're right, you just go on the best that you can and take each day as a gift.

Joe has a wonderful attitude about his condition. I don't know where he gets his strength from, but he never worries about any procedures or surgeries, nor does he dwell on the possible outcomes. He's very realistic about what could happen, but just doesn't think about it too much. He also has a terrific sense of humor and so do I. We have what some people call "gallows humor". It's very dark and we use this humor to get us through.

He's been blessed with some absolutely marvelous doctors who have shepherded him through terrible things. We're very grateful to them.

My wish for you is this Rob never has any other problems and your life is normal from now on.

Take care.

 

[Michelle]

wow, that was quick!

wow, that was quick!

Yesterday I checked in with the forums and low and behold here was the significant others forum. Ask and ye shall recieve.

I am running to get people to school, so I dont have much time, but I wanted to say hey! and I am looking forward to getting to know you all more! To those who were in Tennesee. miss you already!

Have a great day!
Michelle ( Wife to Hank AVR 4/2/1999 )

 

[sylviayasgur]

hi nancy, gina and michelle (so far...)
this is a great addition to an already fabulous site. i'm glad to be among all you terrific significant others and feel honored to be in such fine company.
my husband, joey, had his rp about 3 1/2 weeks ago and seems to be doing really nicely after a few initial setbacks.
i hope things continue at this pace and keep going well.
this site has been such a tremendous source of comfort and support for me, i can't imagine doing anything other than offering the same and more to others.
thank you all for all you've done and still do.. i am eternally grateful.
hope to meet you all at the next reunion in vegas!
-sylvia

 

[DickV]

Cristi, hope I don't get booted off this site for being an actual valve/graft guy. Kay, my brother and I drove by your shop Sat. morning. I didn't go in because I knew you weren't there. Rob says my brother lives about 5 miles from you guys. We will definately look you up to party next time we are in Nashville. We try to get up there at least once a year. Good to meet you folks and you guys keep in touch.

Dick

 

[Seabush]

Hello!

Hello!

My mother recently had valve replacement surgery. This forum has been a godsend to us both.

Crystal

 

[Perrster]

Blessings

Blessings

Thank you for starting this "significant" thread. I will get my wife to join in soon and post some thoughts.

Nancy, I like your avitar. Nice photo! Do we get to meet in Vegas-2002?

My wife, Kathie has been through some enormous situations over the past few years. She doesn't dwell on it, rarely even complains about it and just goes about her every day life in magnificant fashion. Women of America are SO strong. I feel so sad for the women of Afganistan who may never get to know even the least of their possibilities. Hopefully our millitary intervention there will liberate them somewhat.

Kathie is a very strong person, but the ultimate people person. Being a Realtor for over 25 years helps. She can find good in just about every bad situation. Right now, she is near the last of our two children's flight from the nest and I hope she will find some time for herself afterwards. Next spring our daughter graduates from HS and will go off to college. Our son is already in college. Even though our kids will be gone, she is already looking into volunteering /advocating for local teenagers.

I hope I didn't overdo her introduction, but I wanted you all to know who the strength behind my well-being is. She'll be with you shortly...

 

[hensylee]

Hi, spouses and SOs. I used to be a SO and lost my Joe to cancer and miss him very much. My first post to you: Enjoy your lives together and be thankful for each other every single day.

I didn't have valve replacement - mine was quad bypass. Have learned so much at this site and will share whenever it is pertinent for my comments.

So glad to have you aboard. I gather this is Michelle's idea and it is certainly a wonderful idea, Michelle. We always knew you were perfect match with Hank.

God bless

 

[John & Joann]

Hi Friends,

Joann valve problems were first discovered in 1959. We had been married for 4 months. Her first surgery was in 1971. It has been a long ride for both.

She is doing OK, but waiting for the information on the circulation in the left leg.

The emotional side effects of valve surgery can be significant. It takes patience, love, compassion, and tough love to keep the family together. We have been through 42 years of struggle.

Enjoy reading all of the stories.

 

[Bob Gleason]

Significant Others Idea

Significant Others Idea

How about Avatars for significant others? Just a thought.

 

[Michelle]

Avatar smavatar

Avatar smavatar

ok Bob, I'll get Hank to put one on. It is a good idea, makes it easier to communicate when you know hwo it is.

love ya!
Michelle

 

[Shari]

Oh, I'm thrilled that a board has been created for the spouses and SOs!!! yeah!!! Well, my story is almost just like Cristi's. My husband was on a business trip in NY on Monday, May 21, 2001. We had spent the weekend with friends over at our house for a barbeque on Saturday. On Sunday we did some gardening outside and had neighbors over for dinner. He left on Monday morning to Rochester. We kissed, said our "love you's," and went on with the day. I talked to him Monday night. Tuesday morning, May 22, I took our then 5-year old to art class and then did some grocery shopping with our little one (now 2). Picked up our daughter from art class. Went home. Got the girls settled with lunch. I noticed there was a message on the answering machine and played it. It was a woman from a hospital in Rochester daying my husband had been admitted and to please call ASAP. From that point on, our lives had changed. He had passed out in his hotel room; woke up about 1-1/2 hours later and called the front desk saying he thought he was having a heart attack. He couldn't move his body, his underwear and t-shirt were soaked in sweat. He had had a bowel movement. The first hospital thought he had a severe strep infection. Three days later, he was dianosed with an aortic aneurysm. He was ambulanced to Strong Memorial Hospital for emergency surgery. Turns out he had a type-A aortic dissection. I was told by the surgeon who met us at the ambulance that he had a 50-50 chance to make it through surgery. Without surgery he would die. We said our good-byes and I showed the surgeon a recent picture of our two daughters and told him to do everything to save my husband. He has two young daughters who love him dearly. After 5 1/2 hours in surgery, he came through with a graft repairing the dissection a a St. Jude's heart valve. The surgeon told us, he had 1-hour left to live pre-surgery. One week later, he was not getting better. His organs were failing. They found he had a massive blood clot that formed around his heart and wasn't allowing his heart to contract normally. They had to re-open him and take him into surgery immediately. Once the clot was removed, he was on his way to recovery. It's been almost 5 months since his last surgery. We feel so blessed and lucky to have him with us. He is doing great. He looks wonderful. He is dealing with everything beautifully. I am so proud of him. I love this board, it has been a big help to me dealing with all of this. I look forward to getting to know all the spouses. Sometimes I replay those 25 days we were at the hospital. It is unreal how we had to face death so early on in our lives. He's only 38. I'm 34. This all came out of the blue. I look forward to getting to know all of you better. I think the spouses are in a special "club" if you will. It's not easy to see someone you love go through all of this. It's a scary thing.

 

[Shari]

To Cristi - Wife of RobThatsMe

To Cristi - Wife of RobThatsMe

Hi Cristi,

If you read this, email me at [email protected]. I would like to talk with you via email. I feel like both our husbands situations were very similar. I hope to hear from you soon.

Shari

 

[Gillian (in UK)]

Being a Significant Other

Being a Significant Other

Shari - what a story, and what you must have gone through. It made me remember my experiences as a SO when over a period of 25 years I saw my husband through a number of operations - bypass, aortic aneurism, blocked carotid artery, pacemaker. What I remember most is the fear - I seemed to be in a state of fear and anxiety so much of the time. And not being sure if he was having the best treatment.

Now he is 82 and very dependent, both mentally and physically. So when I had my AVR in March his daughter looked after him and I did it on my own.

Part of me feels very sad that I didn't have someone there for me, but the other part feels relieved that I didn't have the burden of someone going through what I had been through as a SO!

Our experience has been that each illness brought us closer together, and I hope it will be the same for you. It sounds very likely from what you say.

 

[Shari]

Gillian,

I think that one of the blessings of going through this exeprience with your spouse is that you both come to a deeper understanding and appreciation of the other person. All of the silliness and pettiness that can sometimes bog down a marriage seem so unimportant after you are faced with major surgery like this. My husband and I have always felt like soul mates and there was always this deep bond between us, and this experience just seemed to solidify what was there before and actually put us on a higher level of awareness and appreciation for each other.

 

[Billy]

A home of our own.

A home of our own.

Hi Everyone

Just now got time to look at this new area of VR.com - A special home for all the S.O's, and it appears that the males are kinda thin on the ground. So I hope you girls can put up with a man about the house.

Full marks to Michelle for the idea of having our own place to chat and I'm glad to visit and talk with y'all.

I fully understand the trauma of having a loved one go thru both valve repair and replacement and as far as I know I am the only one on here who has actually finished up losing the recipient. I hope I never need to help any of the rest of you in a similar situation, but you can be assured that I will 'be there' for anyone if such an unfortunate case should ever arise.

We have all been through a wide variety of experiences and it is a privilege to be able to share the individual knowledge that each of us has gained along the way.

This is 'our little house' and like the rest of you I feel very much at home here.

Fell free to talk with me at any time if I can be of help.

 

[CristiD]

Welcome Billy

Welcome Billy

I think we can stand a male SO in the house! Your right. not enough testosterone in here. How is it to be back on Irish soil? Sounds like 'ya'll' brought a bit of the south home. Glad you made it ok and it was a pleasure to meet you.

Cristi (Robthatsshe)

 

[DickV]

Yo Billy

Yo Billy

Billy, Bob Gleason and I are very glad you are on the SO board but you have to promise us that that while here you won't wear that pretty yellow dress that you are only supposed to wear for Bob and me. That includes those 4" pumps too.