A very scared wife....

[meganmitch]

As i posted in a presurgery forum, my husband will be having open heart surgery to replace a damaged valve in the next 4-6 weeks. Right now im 5 months pregnant with our second child and im finding it very hard to cope with all that is to come in the following month, not to mention we dont have insurance and he cant work for 3 months after the surgery EEEKKK!!! Im trying to stay strong for my husband but with my hormones rageing i break down everytime i see him with our little girl. I know that this surgery is very common and because his age, 31, and health we should have little to no complications and a full recovery. I just worry about things...things i should leave in gods hands. If there is anyone out there that can help me get through this time so i can be there for my husband, please help me....

 

[Aaron BAV]

I understand how scary it is. I'm in a similar situation awaiting surgery in 3 weeks with a newborn (4 months) at home and I agree it is very stressful. I can't imagine how tough it is during pregnancy for you and your husband, along with the financial burden (I can't comment as i'm Canadian and don't know enough about the healthcare system in your state).
You are correct that the mortality rate is very low. If you have any say in the selection of the surgeon, try to get the one who has performed the most valve surgeries as this makes the chances of a complication even lower but regardless you have a young guy going in for surgery which makes the risks much lower than the numbers you have likely heard.
The biggest thing you can do is reach out to any family or friends for support.

 

[Lynlw]

I am sorry you have so much to deal with. My son is the one that has had all the heart surgeries so I can understand a little of your worries. IF it helps at all, I always try to focus on how good the the stats are and try to make things as easy for Justin as possible. I try not to worry but of course that is impossible, especially for me at least at night time when I was trying to sleep.
I know you can't take anything to help your nerves, is it possible to try to learn some calming techniques? (I never could, but I know they help alot of people relax and breath)
Ps if you have any specific questions we can help with ask away

 

[skrob49]

As i posted in a presurgery forum, my husband will be having open heart surgery to replace a damaged valve in the next 4-6 weeks. Right now im 5 months pregnant with our second child and im finding it very hard to cope with all that is to come in the following month, not to mention we dont have insurance and he cant work for 3 months after the surgery EEEKKK!!! Im trying to stay strong for my husband but with my hormones rageing i break down everytime i see him with our little girl. I know that this surgery is very common and because his age, 31, and health we should have little to no complications and a full recovery. I just worry about things...things i should leave in gods hands. If there is anyone out there that can help me get through this time so i can be there for my husband, please help me....

Keep yur chin up, you are a brave gal. For a young guy, your husband will be well on the road to recovery in less than three weeks. The Peace of the Lord be with you.

 

[Michelle D]

What kind of work does he do that requires three months off? I'm 28 years old and 7 weeks out of surgery, if I wasn't so anemic I'd probably be able to do a desk job at four weeks. Everyone is different I have a friend that went back to work after two weeks. My surgeon and cardiologist told me that the risk of mortality for this surgery is no more than any other type of surgery. I know when I was in the OR for six hours my husband was having it worse than me, he still can't talk about when they wheeled me in there. Anyways we are all here to support you, go to the Cleveland clinic website for more information about the surgery, it is very educational and calmed my nerves. Keep posting whenever you need to. And get lots of hugs, hugs are the best medicine for me lately.

 

[nngbwh]

You need to calm down and stay strong you are 5 months pregnant. Yes , this is a very common surgery. Your husband has the advantage right now with his age and health. Your task right now is to stay focused. Plan on a hospital, surgeon and give the best care for your husband.

 

[Eva]

......... I know that this surgery is very common and because his age, 31, and health we should have little to no complications and a full recovery. I just worry about things...things i should leave in gods hands. If there is anyone out there that can help me get through this time so i can be there for my husband, please help me....

It is very normal to worry. You need to believe in what you said above...your husband is young and strong and will recover in no time! And this is very true. I was amazed how good I felt when I returned home and I wished I had the surgery many years before. So, look forward to how he will be able to play better and lift up your daughter and help you around much more than these days...how he will be much happier to feel healthier...how you shall enjoy the coming months and years with better health! Keep focussing as much as you can on the positive sides and take time alone and pray. Since you believe you "should leave things in God's hands", so you have faith in God and you should keep your faith high. It was my faith that kept me strong.

I shall keep you in my prayers.

(((Hugs)))

 

[catwoman]

Megan:

I posted a reply to another thread you started, about finding out about your husband's surgeon. Check the response there and e-mail me so I can check out the surgeon. I may be able to find out about social services available at JPS, too.

My husband had MV repair 3 years ago -- 4 years after my MV replacement. I can understand your concerns, since I've been on both sides of the operating table, so to speak.

 

[Marguerite53]

Welcome to our wonderful community. I think you have found a great place to ease your troubled mind and heart. We are very experienced -- not doctors -- just people who have each gone through surgery or had someone we love more than anything go through it. We honestly understand. Try to believe us that the first few days (sometimes weeks) after surgery are rough, but so completely manageable!! Honestly. Having a baby is quite similar!! Except your husband will get to sleep through the worst part unlike us females!!! :wink2: Remember how you're pretty sore and tired just after the baby is born? Well, he will be like that too. He won't have much stamina. He'll get tired really easily and have to stay close to home for a few days (for some it's a few weeks; everyone is different). His heart won't actually hurt, but his sternum will. Like a broken bone. He won't be able to sleep very comfortably at first, and he can't stretch or twist his body much, or do any heavy lifting or pushing. But each day, he'll feel stronger and stronger and walk a little farther and before you know it, he'll want to drive the car before the surgeon says he can... or he'll want to mow the yard but can't. He'll feel like he can do most everything, but his sternum will still be healing and he'll have to wait. Are you catching my drift?? For many of us, the hardest part about recovery is often being patient to let your body mend properly.

Your husband's needs are being met by the surgeon. He really needs this surgery. Really. I mean, really. You cannot change this. You are having a baby. Your baby needs YOU. Really. I mean, really!! So you have to do the very difficult thing; you have to trust the surgeon. Trust. It's that thing that your daughter feels toward you. She knows you are there to take care of her. You have to relax your shoulders now, and trust the surgeon.

We can answer a bunch of questions for you here, so start asking them! No questions are too silly or out there. Ask away. We want to help you trust this situation so that you can let go of your worries and take care of YOU.

Okay?? Hang in there, sweetie!!! It's all gonna work out. It's gonna be hard, lots of work for awhile with a recovering husband and a new baby. But you'll do it because, well, that's what we do with and for the ones we love!!!

Best wishes.

Marguerite

 

[kfay]

Megan, I'm sorry you have to go through such a stressful situation at what is supposed to be one of the most joyful times of your life. I think I speak for everyone of us who have been through this surgery that the stress and worry that are a NORMAL part of the time leading up to this surgery are, in a lot of ways, much, much worse than the surgery itself. Once my surgery was over, even though I still had some hard days ahead of me, I know both my husband and I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted.

Your husband has many things going in his favor. First of all, as you know, the risks of this surgery are VERY LOW...really not much more than any other surgery out there...98-99%! You really can't get much better than that. Secondly, he has you and your unborn child.

I know it is easy for me to say sitting on this side of the fence, but try and relax. He will really be fine. Before you know it, he will be home, driving you crazy because he'll be feeling well enough to do all the things that he's not supposed to do at that point.


Kim

 

[Johan]

Megan
Yes the thought of this operation is scary and bewildering for both the patient and the nearest and dearest. Yes it involves major surgery and yes the recovery can sometimes be challenging. But the surgery is done by very skilled and dedicated teams backed up by the most modern of equipment. Both my surgeon and cardiologist told me that I would breeze through the procedure because I was relatively young and fit...and that at the age of 66 LOL!!. At 31 your husband is a tad younger and fitter than I was, so he will absolutely fly through it all.

I am going to quote verbatim from my daughter's post on VR.org immediately after my surgery. Note how her optimism and peace of mind returned within days of being a most bewildered and tearful little girl. This surgery is not only life saving but life altering. I have to agree with the last sentence in her post.....I feel amazing!

"HELLO !!!
I am Tuschani, Johans 13 year old step daughter. Johan got driven to the hospital on tuesday by my mother,to get his things organised and get comfortable then on wednesday, the operation began i oviously wasnt allowed to see Johan in such a state that night, but my mother spoke to the surgeon that day afterwards and told me everything ran smoothly. But i got to see him on thursday and I didnt really like it much it made me a little upset to see him in a way i havnt before, all the scary things my mother says ,tubes, and , machines. Then the next day my mother went to see im in the morning. And Johan's brother and his wife came from Sutherland but before they arrived,i got to see him during the afternoon from 3 o clock to 4 and it was so wonderful to see him with much more colour in the face and a little bit of a smile. Then we all went to see him last night (friday night) and it was lovely to chat a little. Johans doctor says he has no idea how amazing he will feel after the operation is over so this will only bring good to him. I miss johan very much and i know that he is going to be alright and pull through well . thank you! you will hear from me again tomorrow "

 

[dick0236]

I know that this surgery is very common and because his age, 31, and health we should have little to no complications and a full recovery.

You have a lot on your plate. Take care of yourself and the baby. The insurance thing will work itself out. Your husband will probably do fine. I was a student, with minimal insurance and no job, when my surgery was performed. I started a NEW job only six weeks after the surgery, and that was a long time ago. Your husband should be able to work after only a few weeks.

I was also 31 when I had the surgery....and I now have a grandaughter not much younger than that.

I wish your husband an uneventful surgery and quick recovery:thumbup:.

 

[Superbob]

I know it seems overwhelming, but your husband is young and even old codgers like me have done well with this kind of OHS. Depending on the kind of work he does, he may well be able to work much sooner than 3 months. Take care of yourself and your baby and everything will work out. Don't let the financial thing stress you out -- all that will be resolved. Blessings to you and your family.

 

[nate_c]

Hi, Megan. I'm just a bit older than your husband and just had an aortic valve replaced. I have two young kids myself, and I know my wife stressed quite a bit before surgery. In fact, I can say that in many ways, the pre-surgery anxiety was harder than the first few weeks of recovery (I'm about 3 and a half weeks out now). Recovery has not been as hard as I thought it would be, though there have been challenges. I can't really add anything to what others have already said, but if you'd ever like to get another young mothers' perspective on this, my wife said she would be happy to share her experience with you. Just send me a personal note and I can give you her email address, if you think that would be helpful. Either way, best of luck to you and your husband. I think this experience actually strengthened our little family, as we all went through it together.

 

[Ambriz]

Hi *hugs* My husband will be getting his surgery in a year or sooner. It's very scary. I sometimes have to just step away from it for a while now and then to keep myself from getting overwhelmed with panic. But I imagine since things are so soon for you that must be very difficult.

 

[Michelle D]

Hi Megan, now that you've spent more time on the forums and had time for the idea of his surgery setting in how do you feel? Are you more comfortable with the idea?