Let me assure you that it's perfectly normal to go through a period of post-surgical depression. In fact I believe the condition "cardiac depression" accompanies a majority of open heart surgeries. It seems to happen a lot less often with coronary artery bypass surgery since usually the patient feels a lot better immediately after surgery, while OHS takes a lot longer to recover, and you know that your life now depends on some prosthetic valve, a length of dacron or some other cloth tubing, or (in my case) a dacron ring reinforcing a pieced-together remnant of the mitral valve I was born with.
In addition, it's frequently a result of the heart-lung bypass most of us are connected to during OHS (in my case 62 minutes). It does weird things to peoples' brains. Some feel perfectly fine after waking up, but even they experience memory problems. Others, like me, have lots of up and down days, plus slightly more profound memory problems--but my intellect has survived intact. Then there are a few who develop permanent deficits of some kind, nothing really specific, but it's almost like 10-30 IQ points have been shaved off their intelligences. One common thread, though, is the depression. If you're already susceptible to clinical depression--be prepared--you're probably going to get a humdinger of one. I did. Be sure your family, friends, mental health support, pastors all are there for you. Don't be ashamed of even taking some sort of antidepressant for a period of time if your doctor/counselor/psychiatrist recommends it. It's not an absolute that you'll get a severe depression, though--in fact knowledge that it may happen and why it may happen may help you fortify yourself against letting the depression overwhelm you.
Yes, it's major surgery, so your body is probably sending a message to slow down and take it easy--it's saying "Hey, I'm healing here--give me a break!". Depression, sometimes, is our minds' ways of saying 'slow down this is too much.' Sleep 14 hours and cry it out a bit if have to, then try to get some smiles into your life--watch a comedy--just not too funny--I know--laughing too hard just doesn't feel that good on OHS incisions. Maybe a cheerful show--something rated G like Chitty-Chitty Bang-Bang, or Sound of Music would be nice. Listen to some cheerful music--I like Grand Canyon Suite, or music from movies such as Field of Dreams, Star Wars, Star Trek, or some classic Bing Crosby style musicals. If you're so inclined, cheerful Christian or other religious music could help fortify your soul during this trying time.
If you write in a diary or journal in some other way, might as well take it up again, and put your thoughts on paper (or on screen)--it helped me gain some perspective on what had happened to me. Perhaps even just coming here to this support website will cheer you up--since we all can relate to what you've just been through in many ways. When we say "We understand how you feel," it's true. It isn't some pitying platitude--we DO understand and have the scars and mended hearts to prove it.
If you can get a view of outdoors, look at the green trees and grass of late Spring and enjoy the life you can see. Life is life--just knowing you're still here to see it can bring a special spark of joy even now.
One thing, though, that I've heard and believe to be true after my own experience, is that you should limit the amount of time you spend with lots of different people besides your (let's presume you're married--I don't know if that's true or not--so forgive me if I'm wrong here) husband--even children (again your username suggests this) can be difficult to deal with at this time. My mother flew in from out of state and took care of my children in Buhl (about 130 miles from the hospital) during my entire stay at the hospital (8 or 9 days) and only my wife was there with me--my mother did not bring them to see me--I merely spoke to them on the phone a couple of times. Then I was ready to see them when I was sent home. Even so, I could only take them in short bursts for the first few weeks. Gradually I resumed normal time with them (yes I admit they still tax my strength more than before surgery, but that's just me, but normalcy is returning even there).
Finally, it does come to an end. A few weeks or several months, but either way it does go away. The post OHS cardiac depression will pass, though it may come back at odd times for a time after surgery--but usually only bad for a day or two--then back to recovery. Most of the longer term post OHS people here are doing fine now as I will pray that you will do, too.
Take Care, and God Bless--You're in my prayers.
Chris
