anger

[Curtsmum]

As others have already said i think everybody goes through these emotions, both patient and carers. Sometimes it just isn't fair but we have to be strong. I am sending you Positive thoughts, keep your chin up, i hope you are feeling better really soon, i'm sure you will be

 

[AJ Golf]

Be Strong

Be Strong

As I stated in one of my posts a while back, I was in denial pretty much since I was diagnosed in 1992. I was blessed / lucky / fortunate to not need the surgery until this year (really should have been done last year, but again ... denial). Again, I am blessed / lucky / fortunate to not have done serious permanent damage to the heart muscle. Sure, I had many, many years to prepare for this, but again - denial. In 1992, the cardioligist told me that if not fixed, the heart would basically explode. I never talked about that with anyone, put it in the back of my mind, and then this year, the current cardioligist said the same thing! Talk about a wake up call! I had the surgery, had some bad days in the hospital, but go back to the moment I woke up after the surgery -- I woke up! Seeing my family around me was the best thing. Even the bad days and the one day I thought I was going back in surgery because of A-fib, high BP, and countless other problems, after I went home I have felt great each and every day.

Don't get me wrong, I think about "why me?" alot. I've come to the realization that there is nothing I can do about it, because I had the condition. Get fixed or die is an eye opener. I, like many on here, was relatively healthy my entire life. Even with the condition, ran, played baseball, softball, football, soccer, etc. We all deal with it differently and for some, this forum is great relief for the burden. Some need professional advice. You, or those close to you are the best judge for that.

Take care and I sincerely hope that your mental health catches up to the physical health real soon.

 

[psalmist]

greatful

greatful

Thanks to everyone for their replies. It is so helpful being able to just get it off of your chest. I am surrounded by love and support but I don't know how to talk to them in a way that they would understand. Sometimes the feelings are just so deep it is just hard to say it. That is what is great about talking to those who have been through it. Once again I am greatful for the replies. Seth

 

[Superbob]

Seth,

You are going to do great. Talk it out here anytime. There will always be folks who will listen and folks who will share their experiences.

Personally, I have always been kind of a moody cuss, so hard to say if any ornery behavior after my surgery was because of it or not. But I probably did have some periods of being "down." It will pass.

All best to you.

 

[Soilman]

psalmist,

I would expect one of the reasons for your anger is that you didn' t have time between finding out and having the surgery to "wrap your mind around it". It's gonna take some time. I can tell you from my own experience that I had different emotions than you. I had several years to accept it. However, what I felt most was dissapointment. I'd seen both my dad and his brother suffer from heart disease and circulataory problems. In high school, I remember swearing that it might "get me" but it was gonna have to "come after me hard" to do it. I started running, lifting weights and watching my diet in an effort to avoid heart problems. (and still do.) Little did I know I was fighting something I'd already lost to due to genetics.

Be angry for now if you must. Some may disagree with my next statement, but be angry with God if you must, but tell Him how you feel. At least you will be keeping the line of communication open with Him. Eventually He will see you through this and then you will be lifting up praises.

 

[wes]

Seth,

Getting things off your chest is what this forum is all about! It's totally natural to have a roller coaster of emotions after all that you've been through. I found out that I had a leaky valve when I was 25 years old, and 2 weeks ago, at age 32, I had it replaced! So we're both in the same boat, wondering why we were chosen and what the heck has happened to us. I guess I try to get through each day by staying as positive as possible. In the days before surgery I kept repeating to myself "I'm gonna make it, I'm gonna make it." Now, post op, I'm still repeating the same phrase! Although I survived the toughest part, I know that the uphill battle is far from over, but, by golly, I'm gonna do my best not to give in to the psychological enemy. Good luck to you in the battle, my friend. I'm right here next to you.

 

[halleyg]

Hi Seth,

I have a carbomedics valve, too

Anyhow, I can totally relate to your post, I feel this way often, too. But, I went through this once before in January, and I can honestly say it took a good 6 months before I felt like myself again emotionally. Of course, a month after that they took me right back into OHS, so often I am feeling very frustrated and sometimes angry about the fact that I climbed the mountain once and landed right back at the bottom. Now I have to climb the whole damn thing again. At least this time I can look at the first one and have faith that I will someday feel like the whole "me" again. It is hard when you are young and have small kids, and life is going at such a fast pace. I was telling my husband recently that I feel like I am expected to be like new, but I don't feel that way. I still get tired when I overdo it (which is all the time) and I still have all the emotional "stuff" that goes along with OHS. Sometimes I actually wonder if I even needed my valve repaired/replaced in the first place, which is probably me not being able to wrap my own mind around all this. Anyhow, from my experience what you are feeling is typical. Know that you will someday feel really good again and just get through one day at a time. I think you have gotten a lot of good advice already but just wanted to add mine and let you know I hear you and you're not alone. I do believe there is a reason for all we go through, and as my husband always says, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...