Never Choke in a Southern Restaurant!!!

[gadgetman]

Two hillbillies Ed and Red walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and ?Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no. "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.

His partner says, Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver', but I ain't never seed nobody do it!"





Now ya?ll have a good week hear,

May God Bless,

Bubba

 

[Cooker]

Down here in the deep south that is called an after dinner cordial

 

[EireCara]

8)

8)

*THAT WAS BRILLIANT....made me laugh out loud. Thanks.

 

[hensylee]

I know them boys........

 

[bvdr]

I loved the joke! I sent it on to a few other people who I'm sure would love it as well. Thanks for the good laugh.

 

[StretchL]

As A Well Bred Suthunuh....

As A Well Bred Suthunuh....

Ah must take offense to yor disparajement of mah less sofistakated kin folks.

 

[gadgetman]

Ah must take offense to yor disparajement of mah less sofistakated kin folks.

Wal, Suh,

Yer th' one thet plans on warin' thet funky shirt. So thar. An' yer cousin Red said thet yer other nickname is Beanpole.

Also, doesn't fo'git how close yer t'WEST BY GOD VIRGINIA!

May God Bless,

Bubba

PS: Yo' need on over alls t'go wif thet shirt?????

 

[bvdr]

Wal, Suh,

Yer th' one thet plans on warin' thet funky shirt. So thar. An' yer cousin Red said thet yer other nickname is Beanpole.

Also, doesn't fo'git how close yer t'WEST BY GOD VIRGINIA!

May God Bless,

Bubba

PS: Yo' need on over alls t'go wif thet shirt?????

Danny, does this mean that you count West Virginia as southern? I thought they never declared in the War between the States. I have a daughter-in-law from West Virginia and it seems to me I've heard that comment more than once over the last 10 years.

 

[gadgetman]

Danny, does this mean that you count West Virginia as southern? I thought they never declared in the War between the States. I have a daughter-in-law from West Virginia and it seems to me I've heard that comment more than once over the last 10 years.

Betty,

I?m gonna try to respond to your question before I get knocked off again.

I worked with a guy from West Virginia when I was in the military and he was always saying that. I asked him once and he said a lot of folks thought he meant Western Virginia when he said where he was from. I heard him a lot of times PROUDLY CORRECT them with ?I?m from the STATE of West BY GOD Virginia?. He was as REDNECK as they come; chewed tobacco, could drink anyone UNDER the table, had a stronger Southern accent than most folks down here in Georgia, never missed a good fight and almost always wore work boots, overalls and a beat up old hat when off work. Just a good old boy. Jed Clampett (from the ?The Beverly-Hillbillies? TV show) was his hero.

West Virginia was formed because of the War between the States. They broke off from the rest of Virginia and joined the Union.

May God Bless,

Bubba

 

[hensylee]

well, long as we're on the subject of West Virginia:

well, long as we're on the subject of West Virginia:

LETTER FROM A WEST VIRGINIA FARM KID
(NOW AT San Diego MARINE CORPS RECRUIT TRAINING)

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps
beats working for ol man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick afore all the places are filled up.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till near 6 a.m. but I
am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do afore
breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some thangs. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothin.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmins like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, taters, grits, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys cain't walk much.

We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to
harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route
march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore
feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The country is nice but awful flat The sergeant is like a school teacher. He
nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride
around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughin. I keep gettin medals for
shootin. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cart ridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat trainin. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fightin with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto
this setup and come stampedin in.

Your lovin daughter,
Alice