What to say to a Terminal Cancer Patient?

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Bina, as my best friend was living through the last months of her battle with cancer many of her acquaintances abandoned her. They would say to me "Oh, I just want to remember her as she was" effectively burying her before her death. Even a short visit to tell your neighbor that he is in your thoughts is likely to be very welcome. When someone dropped by for a chat, my friend, Ginger, would perk up for hours. While your neighbor is alive, a visit will lift his spirits and those of his family. You don't have to talk about anything of consequence. Your presence will speak for itself.

I could not agree more. This is exactly how it is for them.

I had asked a couple of my mom's closets friends to come watch her so I could have a break. They avoided her like the plague. I was rather appalled at them.
 
Bina:

My thoughts and prayers are with your neighbor and you, too. Dealing with a friend's terminal illness is difficult, yet uplifting.

I lost my best friend in January 2004 from lung cancer that spread to the brain. She had lung cancer surgery in 2001 or 2002, and they weren't able to get it all; it was an aggressive type of cancer. Neurological symptoms appeared in spring 2003. She had brain surgery in June 2003, just before my MVR.

She lived in California, and we met at a cat show in Dallas in 1990. We met again a couple of years later and became very good friends, with more than cats in common. Several times a year, we picked cat shows so we could spend the weekend together -- Denver, Salt Lake City, Seattle, Portland, Phoenix, Dallas, Los Angeles, etc.

In September 2003, her condition was declining. She decided, come hell or high water, we were going to have one last visit. In early October, she flew to Dallas-Fort Worth. I got a pass to meet her at the gate and she had to use a wheelchair. We drove to my sister's lake house 2 hours east of Dallas. My sister had plenty of tasty snacks to make sure she ate well. We spent several hours at the boat dock, drinking iced tea, watching the birds, fish and whitecaps and solving the world's problems. :)
When she got home, she was moved up to Walla Walla, Wash., to live the rest of her days with a daughter. I called her frequently, sent cards -- blank cards that had photos that I enjoyed and sent them with just a couple of sentences, like, "this photo reminded me of you, thought you would enjoy it." I reported in on cat shows I had attended, who was there, what the cats looked like & what cats did well, where we went to eat on Saturday night, etc. -- our normal conversations for years.

At one point, she asked if there was anything of hers I wanted. I remembered a cookbook, Julia Child's "Mastering the Art of French Cooking." Her parents gave it to her for Christmas 1968. She had a friend send it to me.
I want to see the Meryl Streep movie about Julia Child; I'm sure Catherine has already seen it! ;)

I'm sure you will find ways to let your neighbor know you have him in your thoughts and prayers -- without it being a somber time.
 

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